tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45021175486183503292024-03-05T03:59:57.463-08:00Salon for the SoulCathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.comBlogger465125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-6769814810944174832021-05-25T06:14:00.000-07:002021-05-25T06:14:41.609-07:00 Shining my light on those who roil me <p><span style="background-color: white; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7gGnM3LP75fR9_DhB2wVYLICRUusSyUromVA75PtdJsoUO2dSz_ravT0b26Yv0g2OjkLtrPL_DUx9GZVCEjQqZ2vr20eElVzWonaGBxa5z3ZL5nMS6Em3tKAks1Dhn5QupB5eq24eO3Ip/s2048/light.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1681" data-original-width="2048" height="329" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7gGnM3LP75fR9_DhB2wVYLICRUusSyUromVA75PtdJsoUO2dSz_ravT0b26Yv0g2OjkLtrPL_DUx9GZVCEjQqZ2vr20eElVzWonaGBxa5z3ZL5nMS6Em3tKAks1Dhn5QupB5eq24eO3Ip/w400-h329/light.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><i>Light, pastel + paint on paper</i></span></td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: inherit; font-size: inherit; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #444444;">S</span></span><span style="color: #444444;">he’d been kind enough to share the swim lane with me. After I’d dashed off my laps, we struck up a conversation. We each learned the reason why the other swims. We each shared our wounds. That’s sacred to me. </span></span><p></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span>And then, she waved her arm around the pool and said, “We shouldn’t have to do any of this. The government, I mean the FULL government is forcing the vaccine on people. That’s illegal, against the constitution.” </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">I was taken a bit aback. Fumbling, I mustered, “You have a choice. No one is being forced. I did it for the greater good. I think we may be at opposite ends on this, but it’s good to talk and get a different perspective.” </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">“It’s not a choice. Kids are told they have to get vaccinated to go to college.” </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">“They can choose not to go, may not be the best choice, but it is a choice,” I offered. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">“People are dying of the vaccine, haven’t you read the case reports?” </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">“Yes. I have and for almost all, there was an underlying condition such as the person was under hospice care or had cardiology issues,” I retorted, trying to stay calm and engaged. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">“Well, there’s the father and his son in the hospital dying from the vaccine,” she said. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">“And the millions who have died of Covid?” With that dropping from my lips, she swam away, to the other side of the lane divider. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span>After I dried off and re-masked, I walked closer to her and said I was glad to have met her. She told me to have a good day. I saw her drive away in an SUV with waving flags, a Trump sign and messages I couldn’t read from the distance soaped on the windows. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">I just don’t get it. I was trying to be open, yet I can see just in writing this dialogue that I countered her point by point. Why is it enough of a divide that someone would walk away? I wanted a conversation. It seems she wanted to be right and force me to agree. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span>It’s stifling feeling unheard, especially when I am listening. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Sunday at Quaker worship, I got a little attitude adjustment. The message was that God doesn’t mete out justice as we would. Galileans did not die in a terrible accident because they were worse sinners, Jesus tells those who believe that to be the truth. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i> <span> </span>“… <span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do you think they were more guilty than all the others living</span></i></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span> </span><span> </span>in Jerusalem? </span></i></span></span><i style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too</span></span></i></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><i style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span> </span><span> </span>will all perish.”</span></span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span></i></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span>And then I thought about the God I know who is constant and unconditional and whom I understood better after becoming a parent. We are each a child of God, loved equally. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Our minister redefined the word repent as rethink. I’ve arrived at the definition as a re-direction. So I am attempting to hold this encounter in a new light. On one level, I could say I am right and she is wrong or stretch it to she has her beliefs and I have mine, which is pretty much where I was during this experience. Can I take the next step? What is it? To see her as a lovable child of God and shower her with the empathy and compassion I reserve for the marginalized. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">I do believe deep in my being that we are called to love each other and that may be the crux for me.<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span>I have a passion for the marginalized and very much feel Jesus’ calling in this manner. But the haves and those who marginalize roil me. I don’t want to like them, let alone love them. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">So I try to peel back the layers and see the fear that lurks behind the obstacles to compassion. Often there’s a fear of losing something or <i style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;">begrudgement</i> that someone has gotten something they have not. Sometimes, unquestioned conditioning. It seems to me to almost always be a lack and, perhaps, a projection on others or by making someone “other” to make up for it. In my understanding, God’s world is not black and white, I don’t have because they do, I am right and they are wrong, I deserve it but they don’t. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">God’s world is, as my spiritual shaman says, “a constellation of color.” God’s kingdom, which I believe is the present and not something to tick off the good works for later, makes room for all, even me and those with whom I struggle. Maybe if I can remind myself of that, even when I can not fathom another’s point of view, I will grow my own compassion and, in modeling, help another see more of their light. At the very least, I can shine my light on them. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span>Perhaps the call for transformation is for me, not them. </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></p>Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-79357109785420342792021-04-24T12:08:00.002-07:002021-04-24T12:08:29.201-07:00Pulling the trigger<p><span style="background-color: white; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgubEj1Fv-zkGlZU_5tXu6A9SXAMXPymKTeF7BK61B4wnUA9fhgPKopVNNKQMufptnQr9o9prEuFoRAlGnIeQLxJ-MyD4P7sabLZ9GiJnSBuWtEFfXTIpSY5rYbDhOZwhKyrrMK-VG5Glya/s1600/chicagoblm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="354" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgubEj1Fv-zkGlZU_5tXu6A9SXAMXPymKTeF7BK61B4wnUA9fhgPKopVNNKQMufptnQr9o9prEuFoRAlGnIeQLxJ-MyD4P7sabLZ9GiJnSBuWtEFfXTIpSY5rYbDhOZwhKyrrMK-VG5Glya/w472-h354/chicagoblm.jpg" width="472" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #800180; font-size: x-large;">I</span><span style="color: #666666;"> was nine when the Rev. Martin Luther King was gunned down, yet I understood the wrongness. Wrongness in a time of many wrongs and deaths: JFK; RFK; Malcolm X; the Viet Nam War. But a man of peace, a minister for God’s sake? A man simply doing as Jesus would to free his marginalized people. And peacefully. [Not to diminish the inhumanity of the other killings.]</span></span><p></p><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">I was younger still when two very Black, very beautiful women came to our house for dinner in a Chicago suburb. They were part of our church’s exchange program. My sister and I were enthralled with them and stories of their home in Africa. It was a rare and treasured experience, imparting that even though we differ, we all love and laugh the same. As kids, skin color did not matter. Yes, we noticed, but we weren’t judging. Decades later, my father told me that the banker down the street with whom he walked to the commuter train scolded him and demanded he never bring a person of color into our neighborhood again. That really pissed my dad off; I can only imagine his response.</span></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">About that time, my parents initiated another cultural swap with an Hispanic girl, just a little older than my twin and me. We loved Martha when she would stay weekends with us or, better yet, when we visited her welcoming, inner-city brownstone filled with siblings and multiple generations, color, spices, exotic foods and smells. One of the prized possessions I uncovered cleaning out my parents’ condo recently was an address label for Martha. She had existed! No one had mentioned her in years and I’d wondered if I’d made her up. How brave she must’ve been to come alone.</span></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #800180; font-family: georgia;">In second grade, I befriended Helen</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">, who was not a person of color, but required an aide in our classroom. She was an outcast, sitting off to the side, alone at recess and lunch except for her adult helper. She had outbursts and, likely, today would have been diagnosed, treated and mainstreamed. She attended my birthday party, probably the only invitation she received. I loved Helen’s energy. I loved her. We were friends. We all paid attention when she ran into the street and was struck by a car. I often wonder if, in this act, she was seeking the attention she lacked. Had group behavior triggered her? </span></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">There was a handful of Black kids in my suburban, white school system. I was friendly, but I can’t say any were close friends. Now, I wonder how they felt, being such a small number and mostly living in particular portions of town. One brave soul, Stacy Mitchart, now a recognized Blues Man in Nashville, crossed the racial divide for the love of music. He always hung with the kids of color not because he would gain anything, but because he loved making music with talented musicians. He often played with another now-famous musician, drummer Eddie Hedges of Blessid Union of Souls. Yeah, I went to school with them! They were a model of bridging the racial divide. I’m not even sure they saw one. Music was their bridge. I paid attention, filing their courage away for future reference when I would become more socially aware.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">In high school, I worked at Kings Island with two young men I adored, both Black. I had been grounded except for eating after work with my friends, but we were late one night and I knew my mom would be steaming. Robert immediately jumped out of the car to walk me to the door and tell my mom it was his fault. It wasn’t and he had no idea how my mom would react as a Black teen walking a white female to the door of her affluent, white suburb. He didn’t flinch. My mom was very cordial, as I knew she would be, to him. I got a talking-to regarding my lateness after the door closed.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #800180; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #800180; font-family: georgia;">In college I had some Black friends on the periphery</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">, but almost none anywhere I worked after Kings Island. I was still pretty much unaware. When I held a corporate job and spent a few weeks in sales training, I met a trio from Africa, Black men, Zulu kings they said, who owned a casket business. I adored them. They were a breath of fresh air amid the bland business background. During that tenure, I also visited several Black funeral homes in downtown LA and Cleveland, always more welcomed than I ever had been in white-owned establishments.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">These experiences taught me the real lesson of turning the other cheek and how to welcome the oppressor as you honor individual humanity. That may be the key. I didn't feel viewed as a stereotyped group, nor did I approach these encounters as anything other than on an individual, equal level. Unconsciously, I emulated Jesus.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">Something snapped in 2001 when Timothy Thomas was shot and killed by Cincinnati Police, unleashing tensions. Damn, another one, I thought. I remembered watching the loop of Rodney King being repeatedly dragged and beaten in 1991. This cycle of new lynchings. I was distraught and moved to action, though tethered by an infant. I responded to a call by the daily newspaper to organize a neighborhood conversation on race, which became the Milford Area Neighbor to Neighbor. I had no idea that one evening would turn into three years, new friendships, tears, anger and a deeper understanding and awareness of racism. Our group was about 30 percent Black, which is why we learned so much together. It took a while to bond and build trust. But we did, meeting in each other’s homes, marching together in parades and studying MLK’s Letter from the Birmingham Jail. We hosted a community forum to spread what we created. I stopped facilitating after that to further my education, but the group still meets, the only one left.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">I learned the most there from my friend Frank Evans. He taught me that change happens one heart at a time. I heard stories that made me sick, of experiences no one should endure. Of unfairness, prejudice and hatred. In that listening, however, there was transformation within me and the group. We are living proof of Frank’s philosophy.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #800180; font-family: georgia;">What I was learning at Neighbor to Neighbor</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"> was reinforced in my exploration at about the same time of Quakerism, one of the peace churches with a strong testimony of equality. These would be the building blocks for launching a neighborhood arts exploration under the care of my Quaker Meeting (church) for marginalized local kids. I had spent a year in the elementary art room assisting and witnessing the power of creative voice to transform kids, many of color and most living in public housing, into confident souls who could dream and be whatever they wanted in that room making art.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">I also did some crossover work with students, older versions of my Artsy Fartsy Saturdays kids, in Cincinnati Public Schools. Over and over again, I witnessed how opportunity, nurture and safety make a difference in the lives of children and teens. I was asked many times to open Artsy Fartsy Saturdays to all kids, but I was certain this was something just for those without the options others have. A room of their own, to steal Virginia Woolf’s phrase that captures the necessity of creativity.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">One summer, 2015, I worked on the University of Cincinnati's main campus and was first shocked, then appalled, to learn university security carried guns and one officer chased a Black man, Samuel Dubose, off campus, up a dead-end street and shot him for a missing license plate WTF? Dubose was unarmed and peaceful. I was embarrassed to work somewhere this happened.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #800180; font-family: georgia;">The next summer my family spent a few days in Chicago,</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"> when my youngest and I were voluntarily swept into a BLM march. It was so powerful, being united for a just cause … more powerful because we had just attended THE most beautiful, welcoming wedding that included every expression of self and sexual orientation on the planet. Everyone had a seat at this banquet, just as they did in the BLM march.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">The 2016 election found me and my husband at the Cincinnati Women’s March, again a beautiful array of unity for the marginalized.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">And since 2012, even before, I followed my muse to work with local kids to bring equity in the form of art. They have shared and taught me so much about resilience, survival, love, curiosity, humor, humanity. We did a session that began with a large tray of spices and talked about the array of colors: mustard, caramel, coffee, tawny, black, cinnamon, brown and everything in between. As artists, we agreed the variety was a beautiful expression, acknowledging the deeper truth that all skin tones are Spirit’s magical gift.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">It pained me to hear a fifth grader’s story of walking to Kroger in Clifton to get a salad, then being tailed out by an officer and asked to see his receipt. The kid was Black and guilty of purchasing a salad. For God’s sake. His mom had already had The Talk with him. The one where a mother with a Black son must tell him the chances of him surviving a police encounter are slim and he should be peaceful and comply. Or else, he’ll likely die. The former board chair of a major university, a lawyer, told me how he worried he’d be stopped for DWB, driving while Black. That at events, people have thrown him their coats or car keys. This is an impeccably dressed, sophisticated, educated man.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #800180; font-family: georgia;">My friend Frank I mentioned earlier, was so wounded </span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">during a parade when he was called the N-word and no one came to his rescue. I was not at that parade and chilled by the experience. It taught me to always speak up. Silence is complicity. So, when George Floyd was killed, I needed to channel my rage into a piece of art. I cut BLM and fist stencils and spray painted them on the American flag, making it my flag, one that represented all Americans, not just the ones who roared their big trucks with flags waving in the beds around the neighborhood.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">When a curmudgeon used the N-word in front of my daughter and her friend at McDonald’s many years ago, I told him that was inappropriate language. He stared blankly and walked away. On another Chicago trip, my daughter, about 5 or 6 at the time, noticed a Black woman lying in the alley and asked for money to give her. She still talks about that woman. On the same trip when we rode the L-subway, I coached my daughters to sit with each other, while I took the empty seat next to the lone man, who happened to be Black. I did not want him to think we thought he was unsafe or not worthy of sharing a seat. Spirit nudged me further as I grabbed his thumb, something I had never done, to shake hands. His demeanor changed as a smile broke out and he said: “You’re a sister.” THAT was a deep moment of connection. A definite God moment.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;">And here we are today, thankfully with a guilty verdict in the George Floyd case, but 65 more police-caused deaths have been reported, about three a day, in the three weeks of the trial, mostly people of color.* It is a racial thing. It is wrong. </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #800180; font-family: georgia;">My friend posted a poem called “American is a gun.”</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"> The stark truth of that is alarming and inescapable. American is a gun aimed at Black men and boys, now girls, Asian women and Sikhs -- anyone we perceive as different. Until we all step up to name, resist and fight racism (as well as gun accessibility), we are guilty of pulling that trigger.</span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"> ... </span></span></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><span class="x_py34i1dx" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">*<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/17/us/police-shootings-killings.html"> https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/17/us/police-shootings-killings.html</a></span></span></span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/17/us/police-shootings-killings.html"> </a></span></span></span></i></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Since testimony began on March 29, at least 64 people have died at the hands of law enforcement nationwide, with Black and Latino people representing more than half of the dead. As of Saturday, the average was more than three killings a day.</span></span><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span></i></div><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; font-family: Calibri, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white;" /></div></div>Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-70173391375077835542019-04-11T17:46:00.000-07:002019-04-12T07:15:45.221-07:00Surrender on and off the canvas<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhClsIVXYoYxYCeytN-PkhVPbL2ROYquuhBcsJ368g6CKhLt9nRq_ENEAEZTlfK5eE0WzQCtCoLa2VTy9wVB3SlJAXzh4HSnXfM0NHQFEkhHKvfsJR5Q3L_h2Dg5_mPsUG5RP5twDOaTjE/s1600/IMG_6873.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="512" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhClsIVXYoYxYCeytN-PkhVPbL2ROYquuhBcsJ368g6CKhLt9nRq_ENEAEZTlfK5eE0WzQCtCoLa2VTy9wVB3SlJAXzh4HSnXfM0NHQFEkhHKvfsJR5Q3L_h2Dg5_mPsUG5RP5twDOaTjE/s400/IMG_6873.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The painting in my parents' house simply signed "Murphy"</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A</span> man in coat and hat with briefcase and slumped shoulders, hand on the railing, is caught in mid step ascending the staircase. He’s shuttered in darkness, a contrast to the green banker’s light focused on the reception desk, illuminating the cubbies behind. The stark loneliness, maybe even defeat, of the painting captivates me. I’ve had plenty of time to study it on the walls of my parents’ home since the 1970s.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In recent years it has become more than a haunting, though simple, work. For one, it will be mine sooner rather than later. About a year ago, my dad said he had a story of the painting and I listened intently. He’d never shared anything so deep. It’s a tired salesman who’d been on the road paying calls all day, making his way back to his room. My dad knows that story personally and his revelation increases my value of the painting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The painting also symbolizes my growing relationship with my father, unmitigated by my mother, who died just before Christmas. She and was our go-to as he was usually traveling for work or all-consumed. There’s a family pattern from his side I am attempting to shed and the painting epitomizes the choice of living, defeated or diseased, in the darkness or shining the light on those negative aspects. It’s very Quaker for me as early practitioners engaged in the practice of letting Spirit’s light shine on them internally, “convicting” them of what stood in their way of a deeper spirituality. Awareness – conviction – is the first step. Surrendering, where I am, is quite another.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">On my third day of Sandrit rubbing and pounding me from head to toe in specially prepared heated oils during a panchakarma treatment at the combo Ayurveda clinic and orphanage just outside New Delhi, I declared that surrender to Spirit. The soul-descending experience of lying an hour with warm oil encircling my third eye extracted that promise. I traveled far and deep, whispering a big yes and have been prayerful ever since for instruction on how to do that, exactly. Just as I have discovered there is no one, big ah-ha moment, there is no one, big action of surrender – in my experience. Enlightenment and surrender, I believe, happen in micro-stages. Perhaps it’s the same way Spirit has led my small steps into a ministry I am certain I would have balked at had the entire plan been lain at my feet. I constantly pray for clarity, yet Spirit wisely gives me the minute piece I can handle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So I attempt patience to let the patterns and layers shift and, eventually release. One of those letting-gos includes forgiveness and grief over the relationship I never had with my father. And gratitude for the new one being forged on and off the canvas.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">• Do I currently stand in the darkness or under illumination?</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">• If darkness, what is my prayer of surrender?</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">• If not, where does the light convict me?</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">• Can I trace a path of small surrenders?</span></i></div>
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<i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Do I express gratitude even when I can’t see the path ahead?</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">#salonforthesoul</span></div>
Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-34305646866539288222018-10-06T18:17:00.000-07:002018-10-06T18:17:38.935-07:00Exploring Ohio: Americana, hauntings and Yetis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>t’s
just past sunrise in Marietta. I am on a rooftop witnessing traffic hum across
the bridge to West. Va. and through this oddly Midwestern-Eastern-Southern
rivertown. It’s a gentle morning after rain. Early October and only a glint of
color. I am at the level of birds in trees. A ghostly grey cloud whisps across
the river. Light emerges, but no burst of sun. Craving a cup of coffee, Ia sit
to write before I rewalk the labyrinthine passage back to the lobby four floors
below. I could rest here. Write here. Breathe here. The glassy Ohio and
Muskinghum rivers reminders of depth and Spirit’s pace.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>The
moment breaks and I head to the local coffee shop, Jerimiah’s, to work. I order
a decaf and am greeted with five bean options. They’ll actually brew me a cup.
I ask for the richest, Costa Rican, and sit down to wait. I sip and write til
9, when I meet my husband for the complimentary hotel breakfast, the most
substantial ever. I order poached eggs, ham and hash browns. Coffee, juice and
toast or an English muffin are included. Reminds me of the most meager breakfast
ever: I was pregnant, staying atop a hill on Catalina Island, isolated from the
rest of the town. Their idea of sustenance was mealy apples and bagged bread to
toast yourself. Back then I wasn’t gluten free, so wolfed down – eating for two
– multiple bags of bread. This breakfast, however, was a delight.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc2TjsZL7LK1SZWyOR7YAChXMnRaIxAFCT5CGs4XFZRaXAU7W5jlnYbWQTPgU93FQckh2cgZT1hoVVOWyyBpKG6vOO_CXkbur_9fTxBgIAnAxNCy10-g_AcF31SHOYZXSmF-o2n3X8bUjV/s1600/IMG_3588.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc2TjsZL7LK1SZWyOR7YAChXMnRaIxAFCT5CGs4XFZRaXAU7W5jlnYbWQTPgU93FQckh2cgZT1hoVVOWyyBpKG6vOO_CXkbur_9fTxBgIAnAxNCy10-g_AcF31SHOYZXSmF-o2n3X8bUjV/s320/IMG_3588.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Filled,
we take a walk down Front Street, veering off toward the banks of the bucolic
Muskinghum River and across a foot bridge, nestled against railroad tracks to a
very old village, Harmar, apparently the original Marietta settlement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently the Paris lovers’ locks have
hit here, but town mothers and fathers have ingeniously kept their bridge from
buckling to the extra weight by chaining iron planters to the railroad bridge
on which locks can be hooked. Several older men on bikes stride by; this is the
perfect place for cycling. We jaunt past the Harmar Tavern, lively and
authentic, and through a downtown closed up for the season. Harmar is a peek
into Americana with tree-lined streets and clapboard houses. </span></div>
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stop at a corner shop and learn from its owner, a member of Main Street
Marietta, the city struggles since the loss of two attractions: the closing of
Fenton Art Glass and the Becky Thatcher show boat. She’s helping plan a
Who-ville themed Christmas to attract visitors and energy to the city. She also
confirms the hauntedness of the area. “My sister lives on a hillside built on a
mound and her house is extremely haunted. When people cut into an Indian mound,
there was a lot of activity.” Her information is confirmed by the Hidden Ohio
map I picked up before our trip. It lists sacred, Native-American, natural and
haunted sites as well as places people have reported Big Foot and aliens. It’s
a beautifully printed, fantastic tour guide. Later in the evening, I’ll flip on
a Discovery Channel show tracking the Yeti (as Big Foot is known is Asia) in
the Himalays. Serendipity?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>History
draws us to the Marietta Antique Mall. As new empty-nesters, I’m not really
looking for anything, but this is the real deal. I peruse fascinating relics,
including a movable gout stool and a print of dogs playing pool. I easily pass
on those, but ponder a wooden case full of rubber letters for printing. I think
long and hard about using this with my art students, but don’t want to drag it
home. Rooting through the implements, pottery and chests, I feel a connection
to the past and wonder if that is lost on a generation that only wants new. It
pains me to see old, family photographs orphaned in sale bins, like the in a
well-curated collectible/gift shop on Front Street, Green Acres. Vintage images
were touted as “fabulous.” My husband was charmed by a case of dream cameras,
of which, unfortunately, the owners knew the true value.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>Walking
and piddling into the afternoon, we ventured by car to see Marietta College and
grab a picnic lunch, which we spread out on our hotel rooftop with an Indian
summer – sans the hard frost – sun beating down. Perhaps the best place on the
planet in that moment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
spend the late afternoon soaking up the warmth, then we drive to another side
of town and up some hills for a grand view of the river valley below. We end at
a cemetery surrounding Conus Mound, holding the remains of native Chieftains
encased by Revolutionary War soldiers and Marietta residents. The juxtaposition
is odd, but not as much as the steps up to the top of the mound. Holding the
iron railing on the way down, I ask my husband if he thinks anyone ever died on
these treacherous steps. “This would be a convenient place,” he says, repeating
my thoughts precisely.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>We
head toward the hotel, park and walk into Gater’s, a locals’ bar we scoped out
the night before when it was closed. There’s a big guy at the bar who offers to
push a seat over so we can sit together, there, at the bar, HIS bar. He’s
Gater, nicknamed as a member of a motorcycle gang because he stood back and
observed like a gater. He’s grateful when we tell him we chose his place over
the local microbrewery because we wanted a “real” bar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was re-roofing the building that
housed several businesses, including a rough bar, when the owner asked if he
could do something with it. Now into his sixth season, Gater remodeled everything,
knocking out walls, creating a music venue and adopting a pirate theme.</span></div>
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have two beers, then head back to snack on lunch leftovers in our room since we
see of sign of food at Gater’s – it’s purely a bar. A good one.</span></div>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-61248262824091120312018-10-03T14:18:00.001-07:002018-10-03T14:20:10.060-07:00Marietta: confluence of cultures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">T</span>he
first destination on our annual fall pilgrimage, initiated on our honeymoon 32
Octobers ago, was Ohio University (OU) to visit our freshman. The plan is to
bookend a swing through eastern Ohio with visits to our student-daughters in
Athens and Kent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>For
most of the decade of autumns before we had children, we traveled to Vermont,
New Hampshire and Maine, exchanging Maine for the Adirondacks just about every
foliage season. It was magnificent: ambling the golden-leaf strewn pathway to
Robert Frost’s cabin in Ripton, Vt.; cutting over Breadloaf mountain where the
yellow, Victorian buildings of Middlebury College’s writing mecca glowed
against the robust red maples; scarecrows blowing chilly breath into Brandon at
every intersection long before it was a thing; paddling the color-drenched
shores of Blue Mountain Lake at the Hedges, an Adirondack “camp,” built by
Vanderbuilt’s Sagamore Lodge employees; a warm bowl of seafood cioppino
quenched with a cold Long Trail ale at White Dog Tavern at the end of a day of
leaf peeping.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>Two
years ago, on our anniversary, we trekked to Dublin, Doolin and Galway in
Ireland, touring the Aran Islands after a ferocious ferry crossing. I relished
a rather mundane experience: purchasing eyeglasses. On a whim, after finding
nothing at home, I packed my prescription. No high-pressure sales, just a very knowledgeable
attendant, who actually drew my eye, explaining my need for thicker lenses. Ten
days of Guinness, Celtic music and Irish hospitality were a delight. Last year,
we ventured to Cape Breton, leaving a charming but cold fishing shack when
temperatures dipped and accidentally texting a stranger, who, nevertheless,
offered us a warm bed. We rented an artist’s handmade home in the country and concluded
with an exhilarating day in Halifax among markets and breweries. Maudie* country
is stunning.</span></div>
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year’s trek is closer to home, revolving around our oldest’s 21<sup>st</sup>
birthday. She actually asked us to take her to a bar – how could we refuse?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>On
the first leg of the six-day journey, we make a quick stop in Jackson to a
funky fabric-garden-Christian-snack outlet (Guhl’s Country Store, where my
fashion-design student saves big bucks on bolts of muslin). When I tell the
cashier we were headed to OU, she responds that her grandson’s a sophomore and
they’d had 14 rapes reported. This was not good news. I googl local police
reports and the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Columbus Dispatch</i> to
discover it’s now 16. Inexcusable. I can not wait to hug my daughter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>We
reach her 45 minutes later, unload the fresh mini pumpkin pies I’d baked, her
winter coat and boots. She is deliciously happy as we whisk her off to lunch at
the worker-owned Casa Nueva, an Athens staple. It’s not somewhere she could
afford on a student budget (although with a meal plan at $23 per day for 2 meals,
she could). I order the seasonal corn enchilada with Ohio cheddar, roasted red
peppers and pulled pork, only I get dry chicken, baked in verde salsa. Before
real Mexican street tacos at one-tenth the price spoiled me, I would have been satisfied.
They are fine for American tacos. And the ambiance is old-school granola on the
restaurant side. It is a great place to catch up with our emerging adult.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>After
what seems like too-brief a visit, we are back on route 50 headed toward
Marietta. We live near 50, but have never traversed this segment. We experience
a hauntingly beautiful drive on this steamy, sometimes rainy afternoon. I had
hoped to catch a glimpse of Blennerhasset Island, where Araon Burr hatched his
foiled coup, but the turn toward Marietta intervened. The Blennerhassets
created the American dream, immigrating from Ireland, thriving and leaving
behind a stately mansion, now the hub of a West Virginia State Park. You arrive
via paddleboat from Parkersburg, W. Va.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfqpViUHVO2w7daU2zceoZxUux4jgAC3Vf5x2I4x50k_1t1duhxIqrFlv7kxzuuRq-cQz0IsXheg-cBWh4bwYx494zocsWTXSvGfPUs8P3wvkAExvMn8FS1Bd4D2ZnGNrvxiT2klIITQ3G/s1600/IMG_3547.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfqpViUHVO2w7daU2zceoZxUux4jgAC3Vf5x2I4x50k_1t1duhxIqrFlv7kxzuuRq-cQz0IsXheg-cBWh4bwYx494zocsWTXSvGfPUs8P3wvkAExvMn8FS1Bd4D2ZnGNrvxiT2klIITQ3G/s320/IMG_3547.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>I
almost miss the drive into town trying to book my next adventure, a BIG one for
a BIG birthday, on my phone. The town is village-like until we cross the
Muskingham and into the heart of Marietta. The downtown sweeps broad like a
frontier with brick former banks, warehouses and theaters abutting feed mills, eclectic
shops, restaurants and bars. We spot our hotel, one of the last river
accommodations I note somewhere, bending around a corner opposite the Ohio
River. I am surprised by its authenticity, as if nothing’s touched. When we check
in, I ask if we can have a river view. I am firmly told no, because I booked on
Expedia. “Can’t you push that?” I ask. “No.” Her voice has the familiarity of
my attempt to book direct. She wouldn’t budge then, either. So the Expedia room
it is.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHKFq6BsG9JZk0ICuRZIm87dlpE0t_uubLCwSEDwuA2qijLFqatJ1_6E61PQu-CARDwW2Hv1_3JZL364rqk695uN3jrExLp2YhBXcxE8jz4tSyMBN7u8Xe74tsQwINPq-POwQHcRDu_oeV/s1600/IMG_3542.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHKFq6BsG9JZk0ICuRZIm87dlpE0t_uubLCwSEDwuA2qijLFqatJ1_6E61PQu-CARDwW2Hv1_3JZL364rqk695uN3jrExLp2YhBXcxE8jz4tSyMBN7u8Xe74tsQwINPq-POwQHcRDu_oeV/s400/IMG_3542.JPG" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>Between
the second and third floors, the elaborate staircase vanishes, replaced bya
utilitarian set (think Upstair/Downstairs or Downton Abby). So does the air
conditioning. Hit with an odor as we enter out floor, it dissipates in our very
small room. You can’t open the door and access the bathroom at the same time.
This is the charm of another era when we lived within our means and did not
seek sprawling spaces. It’s fine for two nights, except getting there through
the horribly smelly hallway I realize is mold and mildew. Later I check deeper
into reviews that universally report the smell of fish. That smell is confirmed
at the front desk when I ask for a room that will not trigger a migraine. “Well,
we’ve had lots of floods.” We move up a floor to an almost identical room with
a less-pungent entry.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTvDrN-hmSmx_9KSMCznGJUAcHB3_eP1GboqHwd469XvjOWEkZugQikn3ns6JEPtTuR_uNx9NRbjG0ep_IIANf8aY5sok7NdUhA3PkYjRyUQqVf-pewxOwgiEVzivFws4fQHhQqr6syjwq/s1600/IMG_3532+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="138" data-original-width="640" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTvDrN-hmSmx_9KSMCznGJUAcHB3_eP1GboqHwd469XvjOWEkZugQikn3ns6JEPtTuR_uNx9NRbjG0ep_IIANf8aY5sok7NdUhA3PkYjRyUQqVf-pewxOwgiEVzivFws4fQHhQqr6syjwq/s640/IMG_3532+%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>It
really is a cool, old hotel, echoing the southern charms of the river, sort of
New Orleans meets Chicago. Victorian furniture you sink into (because seats
have supported many a derriere) invites visitors to sit and merely watch the
river.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>We
settle in, then head out to explore. We walk the expanse of downtown, surprised
by its size and vibrancy, although there are vacant buildings. One is
advertised for free. People are friendly and I spy young adults, likely
Marietta College students. The waterfront seems almost virginal, refreshingly
undeveloped, lined only with a walkway. The humidity brews up a thirst we
quench at the most-local bar we uncover, Town House. It’s trivia night with $3
Amstel Lights, cheapest I’ve ever found, and a
homegrown-tomato-and-tuna/chicken/egg salad special. Who could resist? We trade
history for empty dinner plates with the bartender, pay and head back, full and
sleepy.</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">* Maudie is a movie
made in 2016 about Cape Breton folk artist Maude Lewis<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></span></div>
Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-20303786157978859912018-06-13T11:27:00.000-07:002018-06-13T11:27:48.405-07:00A quick soul restoration at Tikkun Farm<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1IsgejTDZ_6951_9S6RjhlzzSXYeQlft473M8wz7oQ9tyBS3ntYATzidpVgDXPnV23o_zNu24sqogxdj5ExRCt59tzoYe29W0zKDrng4iptKAC_d9EKWUUIdOhecFghvPDs3UiWSaFcMC/s1600/IMG_2254.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1IsgejTDZ_6951_9S6RjhlzzSXYeQlft473M8wz7oQ9tyBS3ntYATzidpVgDXPnV23o_zNu24sqogxdj5ExRCt59tzoYe29W0zKDrng4iptKAC_d9EKWUUIdOhecFghvPDs3UiWSaFcMC/s640/IMG_2254.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">S</span>urprisingly, driving 25 minutes across town to an airbandb
CAN transform your perspective. I has betting on that when I booked the studio
apartment at Tikkun Farm in Mt Healthy as my Mother’s Day gift. After weeks of
non-stop family health issues and care giving, my body and spirit demanded the
break.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My departure was timed to coincide with the close of Sunday’s
Quaker worship, grounding me in a richer, deeper retreat for two nights and
three days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Choosing to spend my precious time at Tikkun (meaning repair
or restore in Hebrew) was no accident. Mary Laymon, who runs the non-profit
farm and healing center with her husband, had been my spiritual director
sporadically over a couple of years and I had participated in her retreats. She
has gifts for hospitality, listening, facilitating healing and collecting
people and animals. I needed to be here.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEDgJESldEW0lMwCBFNsrKG8LW5DS3pDwbzztGjqG7Hav4xQg2XGXiaB-vfwNxtrlrrZUBgZtD7Erp2wtnqkCbiM8_oqHQrodhGu0BfNt2Nr9mBZ4rwwLZxQlAD2D07nD3507XUTEQGrQe/s1600/IMG_2278.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="138" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEDgJESldEW0lMwCBFNsrKG8LW5DS3pDwbzztGjqG7Hav4xQg2XGXiaB-vfwNxtrlrrZUBgZtD7Erp2wtnqkCbiM8_oqHQrodhGu0BfNt2Nr9mBZ4rwwLZxQlAD2D07nD3507XUTEQGrQe/s1600/IMG_2278.JPG" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhke7St_LtrLE8U1qKKe6lFg1KYX4Uq3UxGE5CXdXmxmAgB1eaUaEKtmSbml9cKn2ulpUA06weEMfGYmrZNKT8L98CgcCINJExmJPeXTre8YnOLpjftg2nLsh9S5-bNUTmqGrCdcQA0f8GY/s1600/IMG_2213.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="138" data-original-width="640" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhke7St_LtrLE8U1qKKe6lFg1KYX4Uq3UxGE5CXdXmxmAgB1eaUaEKtmSbml9cKn2ulpUA06weEMfGYmrZNKT8L98CgcCINJExmJPeXTre8YnOLpjftg2nLsh9S5-bNUTmqGrCdcQA0f8GY/s640/IMG_2213.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">You book one of her three spaces on airbandb. I had selected
the larger farmhouse room and watched it fill as I waited to ensure family
members were out of danger. Yet, I knew I could linger no longer and my husband
convinced me to rent the apartment, it was a gift and cost shouldn’t matter, he
said. And so I hit purchase. Of course, life became more complicated, but this
was nonrefundable – as if I needed an excuse as a boundary – and I went.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A jaunt over Cross County Highway quickly landed me the
other side of town, which may as well have been another city. There is
something about a drive to soften the transition from the busyness of everyday
life to a contemplative rhythm. As I eased off onto Hamilton Road, my mode
shifted as the speedometer dipped. I ambled through a modest neighborhood of
solid WWII houses, turned off onto a sleepy, leafy street and found the house
with the split-rail fence, just as Mary had promised in her airbandb response.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0vxfYT60MpLUhdafWmDHGfTXODUWQbTiNjGV-mMQCtmfBh0zIKon2oZzwi3oxo4mMrFJjtNAvtzlMQ9rYYVB5qDUg5lh5TdP7a66R2b2WqtbPosXsS6WWGalhgTDGKgMQAVywgcEfEwqJ/s1600/IMG_2315.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0vxfYT60MpLUhdafWmDHGfTXODUWQbTiNjGV-mMQCtmfBh0zIKon2oZzwi3oxo4mMrFJjtNAvtzlMQ9rYYVB5qDUg5lh5TdP7a66R2b2WqtbPosXsS6WWGalhgTDGKgMQAVywgcEfEwqJ/s320/IMG_2315.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLcrqm-zFUhLiAQ38sahMPHTyvnCv8Ole8zejOxUJXy0dPMUN6T8x1GXR1_6v6LZpsi4E7NBSAkS8zMfmZnWopn1s_z0r8-otLtNYJiglMg4LSEyw0ICDotTpUWhuYK54V-uLlJXhZgO5a/s1600/IMG_2335.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLcrqm-zFUhLiAQ38sahMPHTyvnCv8Ole8zejOxUJXy0dPMUN6T8x1GXR1_6v6LZpsi4E7NBSAkS8zMfmZnWopn1s_z0r8-otLtNYJiglMg4LSEyw0ICDotTpUWhuYK54V-uLlJXhZgO5a/s320/IMG_2335.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I parked in front of the milk house, where the penthouse
would be my cozy and comfortable headquarters for some alone-time and R &
R. Mary was on vacation, so I let myself in via the lock codes, dragged my
luggage up the steps – I had been forewarned – changed into farm clothes and
decided to explore. I was enthralled with the Bhutanese men and women amassing
trimmed honeysuckle branches in the garden and gravitated toward their children
near the barn. They directed me to meet Spike, one of eight resident alpacas
and the mayor of the farm. They nudged me to enter the pen. Spike was resting
on a bare patch of circle, but arose when I called his name. He came forward, sniffed
me, granting permission to pet him. When my hand went to his head, something
slimy flung at my face. “He spit on you,” the kids called. That was a new
experience. I later learned he does not like his head touched and was probably
mad because I had no feed for him. Lesson learned. I will admire Spike from afar.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF2ZMi-Cg_uE4Suyabo4FwrsmeZbuyNsBxSQJ2xWZnNpckiIu_Y0HZaPwIHI-PHN3mR7Ip3lvsDKJuCTZFzjldMaal1X7tmPmYWLNL6jYMhKi9lw4y3bXCjv1YeObEj7smeb4wC4_vnTXu/s1600/IMG_2219.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF2ZMi-Cg_uE4Suyabo4FwrsmeZbuyNsBxSQJ2xWZnNpckiIu_Y0HZaPwIHI-PHN3mR7Ip3lvsDKJuCTZFzjldMaal1X7tmPmYWLNL6jYMhKi9lw4y3bXCjv1YeObEj7smeb4wC4_vnTXu/s320/IMG_2219.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">As I returned to my treetop space, I unpacked, opened my
bottle of Bordeaux (I had stopped by Trader Joe’s for the basic food groups:
red wine, chocolate and reduced-fat potato chips) and headed to my private
patio to savor the New York Times, my Sunday treat. The sting of heat and
humidity had dissipated during worship and it was gloriously cloudless, sunny,
cool and windy. I spent hours reading before heading in to cook my dinner: a
free-range chicken breast, steamed asparagus and herbed new potatoes. The thick
breast took a bit of cooking, but I had all the time in the world. Over my rooftop,
I observed the Bhutanese building structures in the garden and the rumble of
cars coming and going over the gravel drive. I reveled in the air moving
through the apartment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dinner savored, I made a cup of decaf and headed out for an
evening jaunt as the sun began to set. The Bhutanese had gone, but I was
greeted by Gypsy Rose Lee and Wesley, two hairy Chinese Cresteds belonging to
CJ, who tends the garden, teaches yoga and helps with summer camp. I played
fetch with Gypsy after she’d warmed up – she’s the shy one – while CJ weeded. A
punk of incense laced with citronella smoked in her corner, warding off bugs
and providing a gentle ambiance. She gave me a more formal tour – the gardens,
pasture, milk house with a kitchen and art space – ending in the barn as we perched
at the front window of Tikkun, overlooking the pasture, alpacas, chickens and
guinea fowl. We watched the sky grow dark, a satellite dip lower and the
fireflies turn on. Magic was in the air. CJ says she feels the imprint of the
sacredness here. I do, too. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBlKsIzW4JK1tdksERZGRbafVe980cJQt8fVBsuzPKT3LwZLJnArNo3ubBmsoi_IywRY9LpMKx8g5XDLZI1w5kPNDMnX8PYvWnRlYNuG2QytM_F0JFFXE4ZIWkTi309bZX5J0JdvuBzBCD/s1600/IMG_2328.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBlKsIzW4JK1tdksERZGRbafVe980cJQt8fVBsuzPKT3LwZLJnArNo3ubBmsoi_IywRY9LpMKx8g5XDLZI1w5kPNDMnX8PYvWnRlYNuG2QytM_F0JFFXE4ZIWkTi309bZX5J0JdvuBzBCD/s400/IMG_2328.JPG" width="400" /></a><o:p><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw6mvDXWSGUU3ZZlp899JVeH-abwRYTsz3QPxnZ4OUBWdyFqibdGMuDDdi58c3HmnEWjG7n3iIg7897xtHmvD5cPLHXBRR5cLvI-plpGmGGgYG9P4OVAw4njOYt8LENGv3BAQ6d11gQo43/s1600/IMG_2272.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw6mvDXWSGUU3ZZlp899JVeH-abwRYTsz3QPxnZ4OUBWdyFqibdGMuDDdi58c3HmnEWjG7n3iIg7897xtHmvD5cPLHXBRR5cLvI-plpGmGGgYG9P4OVAw4njOYt8LENGv3BAQ6d11gQo43/s320/IMG_2272.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was primed for tranquil sleep in the fluffy king bed and open
windows. I’d set the alarm for 8 am to make yoga, but the natural light woke me
earlier. I laid in bed a bit, emerging from my cocoon with enough time to drive
to College Hill Coffee, grab a cup and change for the yoga donation.
Unfortunately, the coffee shop is closed Mondays, so I landed a not-so-good,
fast-food blend to tide me over. Wesley greeted my return; CJ and Gypsy were
not far behind. We sat on the patio until Cassie arrived to teach yoga. I’ve
done yoga at the beach and on the pool deck, but never on a barn floor. With
two layers of cushion and a bright breeze flowing through the chinks in the
barn’s armor, it was delicious; yummy as my beloved first yoga teacher, Renee,
would say. Cassie was gentle and CJ showed me some better alignment. Yoga at
the gym is not the same as in a smaller, hands-on session. Cassie reiterated that
self care was essential and nudged us toward an intention. I chose to be
peaceful here and now and to carry that with me, away from Tikkun. Her skilled
hands smudged with lavender oil relaxed my shoulders, cupped my face and
cradled my head. Her touch was healing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">CJ escorted me to the main house for breakfast eggs and a
cup of coffee. There I met the housemaid Lissa and a contractor/farm friend dressed
in a kilt preparing for the summer-camp onslaught. Lissa, too, had been an
airbandb guest and stayed on. “So, Mary added you to her menagerie,” I said.
She laughed and agreed. I dawdled over two cups of coffee, an introduction to
alpaca-wool production, then collected my beautifully dirty, unrefrigerated
eggs to head back to my quarters.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKhzNPkvGqGOB9Fxw7IFiXY41gN6jbUIt9-H_WHTiC6nDQIYlDzftr0cLc-YbVU1HmwaGAUKRS7OPZiMQeV2jZ8_wmn4CmSjI-LyoSI1j0NX8e4esb5sY1kO1Rkn1_Pma-DuQzaabm4vZY/s1600/IMG_2303.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKhzNPkvGqGOB9Fxw7IFiXY41gN6jbUIt9-H_WHTiC6nDQIYlDzftr0cLc-YbVU1HmwaGAUKRS7OPZiMQeV2jZ8_wmn4CmSjI-LyoSI1j0NX8e4esb5sY1kO1Rkn1_Pma-DuQzaabm4vZY/s320/IMG_2303.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRClMs2LPkCbyO9p0AbY1jPkRelC4EQgYWxXdO7cfu_WJkJmnBONYoSZuct9fPbSwNhTsQ4gNSEg-61BBLhyphenhyphen3A4T1egy8YqA07UsZf6Kqmjs20jP-qRmL437AWTZLjq7EaxzDX_M2c0a5f/s1600/IMG_2304.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRClMs2LPkCbyO9p0AbY1jPkRelC4EQgYWxXdO7cfu_WJkJmnBONYoSZuct9fPbSwNhTsQ4gNSEg-61BBLhyphenhyphen3A4T1egy8YqA07UsZf6Kqmjs20jP-qRmL437AWTZLjq7EaxzDX_M2c0a5f/s320/IMG_2304.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I putzed around, read, wrote and showered, then headed out
for a walkabout in the neighborhood. I wanted to explore on foot where I was. I
traveled down the lane, grabbing a good view of the farm, doubling back accompanied
by one of the Bhutan farmers. We parted ways as I headed toward downtown Mt.
Healthy, three blocks away. I waited an eternity at the intersection of Adams and
Hamilton. The Animal House pet store lured me across the bustling artery. The
bright blue Victorian clapboard is filled with a multitude of furry pets –
dogs, cats, rabbits, Guinea pigs, gerbils, hamsters and, sadly, feeder rats. I
steered clear of more slimy creatures. If you’re over 18, you can handle the
pets. The employees seem to care about what they do and it’s a pleasant
antidote to the big-box pet marts. I had no idea neighborhood pet shops existed
outside of Marc Brown’s Arthur books. A brown-and-cream teddy bear bichon/shih
tzu<span style="font-size: 10pt;"> </span>clamored for my
attention and I carried him around the pet store. Wesley had broken me in the
night before. I can see myself in the future with something similar, although
the hairless Chi-chi would be better for my allergies. Petting him was not
pleasurable, more like rubbing my hand on sandpaper.<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After visiting the Animal House, I ventured back across the
street to Mt Healthy Dairy bar for a cool drink on another, dry, breezy, sunny
day. I met a local woman, feeding her 18-month-old great niece ice cream. I
never witnessed a bigger smile. I piddled back through the neighborhood of
eclectic houses and down the lane to the farm. This is a neighborhood I could
embrace: a bit more edgy, working-class than mine with some eccentricities such
as a small dairy-farm turned retreat center, refugee families and native
Westsiders.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I sipped a glass of wine of on the patio and read til
dinner, tossing my leftovers into a festive salad. CJ turned up, naturally
after Wesley, and we chatted. Karen, who rented the room I originally wanted,
returned from a full day in the sun, dressed in long sleeves and a becoming
Indiana Jones hat. Turns out she really is an archaeologist and peruses
public-works construction sites to ensure they’re not displacing history. While
she could not reveal the location, she said despite advanced <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>technology, the crews’ human experience
located an ancient farm site. It was a good day, she said. I agree.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After another cool, breezy night in the treetops, I awakened
early with the sun and began packing. I relished time for yoga, connecting with
Mary, whom I heard return late from vacation, and getting ready for an afternoon
work assignment. Cassie opted for yoga inside the farmhouse for fear of the
pestering guinea hens. Mary told her she just had to stomp hard and they’d
flea. “You should not be afraid of any animals on the farm.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We pushed aside furniture I the communal living room and,
instantly, we were transported with Cassie’s subdued style. Again, she ended
her class with gently touch ad lavender oil.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I cooked my farm egg, readied for work, packed the car and
took a final stroll around the farm, breathing in the relaxation to hold for
when I needed a reminder. I found Mary in the barn giving a tour, thanked her
and drove off to the world of work, caregiving and busyness, certain to return.</span></div>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-36712711079294245882018-05-22T09:50:00.002-07:002018-05-22T09:51:51.903-07:00Playing tourist in my own city<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG3JBQXrva4ip7XuF5oBUxcwHNAr7-rNEHyEayUUK5DQodR4RYdQo_j_vU9ru0c6-CXt8qs9fFuf1i5BLCvRbzma0nXUMJrTZojPlW30qVQHAHvz39-GSk4f1uxjep_3VU0P_6a1C6-_1m/s1600/IMG_1611.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG3JBQXrva4ip7XuF5oBUxcwHNAr7-rNEHyEayUUK5DQodR4RYdQo_j_vU9ru0c6-CXt8qs9fFuf1i5BLCvRbzma0nXUMJrTZojPlW30qVQHAHvz39-GSk4f1uxjep_3VU0P_6a1C6-_1m/s640/IMG_1611.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">View of Cincinnati from the streetcar</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>
took a play day last week with my 17-year-old as a chance to capture
summer before she’s off to college and a new, young-adult life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>We
awoke at 7, were on the road by 8 and parted ways by 8:45. I headed to a meeting
in Clifton as she toted her laptop to our favorite near-campus coffee shop,
Rohs Street Café. As a chai lover, I adore their freshly brewed, spicy Rishi blend,
lightly sweetened with honey and topped with frothy, steamed soy milk. She
prefers coffee, but we both like the eclectic vibe in this church-run,
old-school coffee house.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>After
my work wrapped up, we traversed an almost daily transforming Clifton Heights that’s
given way to tall, cookie-cutter facades and food franchises at the expense of
individual architecture and mom-and-pop eateries and shops. My family has not
forgiven Myra for closing her brownstone, boho-meets Moosewood café with dozens
of homemade soups, healthy salads, eclectic entrees and sandwiches.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>We
cut down Calhoun with a quick jog on Clifton, east on McMillian, down West
Clifton to Vine, and, in short order, arrived at Findlay Market. The first hour
of parking is free, 50 cents an hour for hours one to four, so we aimed for
two.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp3kz1s6nHuFy62uXf9jCMwwA0XfFyQjOpv_c9BNS7IDGcwq2jpC75a6DZy2NVTJnVY93z4eEXpZcReCCbvfYTIrsO2l9fJHAzbtlsyb-Ezg2F4-j0PTJMlrv6Nlyn-HUrgp3sQRkeoMqZ/s1600/IMG_1572.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp3kz1s6nHuFy62uXf9jCMwwA0XfFyQjOpv_c9BNS7IDGcwq2jpC75a6DZy2NVTJnVY93z4eEXpZcReCCbvfYTIrsO2l9fJHAzbtlsyb-Ezg2F4-j0PTJMlrv6Nlyn-HUrgp3sQRkeoMqZ/s320/IMG_1572.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>We
began with the outskirt markets: Dean’s Mediterranean Imports with its freshly
baked zatar flatbread, baklava, varieties of feta (feta is betta, a window sign
reads) and hit neighboring Heist Fish and Poultry since 1934 to discover we were thirsty. We whisked through the indoor market perusing early
lunch choices such as three hearty salads (think beet, feta and walnut) for
$9.99 at Fresh Table, gyros, Belgian waffles, tacos, loads of sweets, spices,
cheeses and meats. The siren call of Maverick Chocolate beckoned us inside and
the deal was sealed with a frozen hot chocolate imbued with 65-percent cocoa. It
is, absolutely, the best drink/food/anything I’ve had in a very long time and I
am not easily impressed. We split a $5 frozen treat topped with whipped cream.
It would have been difficult, but not impossible, to consume an entire drink.
It is bittersweet, creamy with some tooth and exactly like drinking a very good
chocolate bar. We learned that giant pods contain the cocao seeds – and could
be shaken as musical instruments if not so precious a food – that Maverick
roasts, then breaks into nibs for all of its chocolate.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGPcduGrDqz-LOhiHYj5Jou-uBjKbOQIiGyMeg9ZXETSka667jk6P-x6ZsO0SkdSf33JsJ3RNE1WpYu5VZ8QrDPwjXKf6RYcOcJRDbmYpAQiLcdosWwHsXzFisJDF_e9b6W5cE5R2_LaCh/s1600/IMG_2306.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGPcduGrDqz-LOhiHYj5Jou-uBjKbOQIiGyMeg9ZXETSka667jk6P-x6ZsO0SkdSf33JsJ3RNE1WpYu5VZ8QrDPwjXKf6RYcOcJRDbmYpAQiLcdosWwHsXzFisJDF_e9b6W5cE5R2_LaCh/s320/IMG_2306.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lily Barney photo</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>We
shared and savored our drink during a spin through the venerable Saigon Market,
splurging for some dark sesame oil and tapioca pearls. Now ready for a sit-down lunch, and perhaps influenced by the Vietnamese grocer, we passed up Eli’s BBQ, hungry for something lighter. Pho Lang Thang
with its galvanized-garbage can-and-door tables underneath a canopy fit the
bill. Again, we split Bun Ga Nuong, a salad of lemongrass chicken, rice
noodles,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lettuce, bean sprouts,
cucumber, cilantro, mint, basil, crushed peanuts and a tangy vinaigrette.
It filled us with its crispy chicken and chopped vegetables, providing
enough energy to plan a streetcar trip to the art stores in Over the Rhine. Of
course, we COULD have walked, but my daughter had never ridden the streetcar
and I like to support public transportation. We retuned to the parking lot to add
another two hours, but a coin jammed the machine. My daughter tried to push it
down with a dime just as an attendant appeared. As he opened the door, a flood of quarters spilled out that my daughter promptly scooped
up and returned. He asked our stall number and said he would “get” our parking.
A nice trade for her helpfulness and honesty.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh3po5x2jN7y34mAaFPEt0iE3dtE0Fg8zgXOuXfj8hG88yrqGpMy3-LFdOirGQYJWc3wWWBLN-fw_K0lgCJhVhwP0T_18TtPQOtWy8vjYBkMIhqGcy-zvKut0hpTKKWTR32xlfRpagrpMj/s1600/IMG_2308.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh3po5x2jN7y34mAaFPEt0iE3dtE0Fg8zgXOuXfj8hG88yrqGpMy3-LFdOirGQYJWc3wWWBLN-fw_K0lgCJhVhwP0T_18TtPQOtWy8vjYBkMIhqGcy-zvKut0hpTKKWTR32xlfRpagrpMj/s320/IMG_2308.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lily Barney photo</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We conveniently boarded the north end of the connector line at Findlay paying $2 for two, two-hour tickets by app. We rode to Washington
Park, disembarking on Elm Street, then proceeded down 13<sup>th</sup>, around
the corner to Vine and Suder’s Art Store. Almost unrecognizable, this former oasis
amid abandoned and graffitied buildings, is buttressed by
redevelopment. However, inside nothing has changed. The Great American Art
Works, Northside-made sumptuous chalk pastels that I
covet are still stashed in a high rise of thin drawers in one unlit corner. When my
girls were young and I’d accumulated a stash of change, we'd visit Suder’s so I could stock up on these silky gems. I repeated that story
walking in, not realizing it made no sense to my daughter until she saw the
price tag of $5.99 per each single stick. “Wow, mom, that’s a lot, no wonder
you saved up,” she remarked. They are so worth every penny as they glide onto
the surface, transforming paper into art. The colors are lush; some are made
with actual metal shavings.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We
strolled every wood-planked, winding aisle, then entered the side room full of
frames, easels and a napping cat. Happy just to smell the must, turpentine and
canvas, we departed for out next stop, Indigo Hippo, a non-profit selling
donated art materials. Not at the corner we’d expected, we discovered its new, larger location across Main
Street and half a block north. Baskets brimming with odds and
ends, tiles, fibers and drawers with papers, stamping and scrapbooking supplies
lined shelves, tables and floor space. My daughter delightedly found 10 pounds
of glycerin, some scents and dyes so she could make soap. I loved looking, but
honestly, was reminded of my crammed garage studio with so many one-offs kind
people have donated to my arts non-profit. I struck up a
conversation with the clerk, joyfully engaged in arranging the
newest cache. I vaguely recognized her.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgCALvs0O-1y3wZ1eTBKic3_bN46lRRsiwOlBEghI68uGwoOamgDwDYiN2wZngCJ5QkuGybtbyySXZzv663er3kWUGfT9cSBlPmlv7rEM8XsTvxVbqX2AmkNQXicMxqokQngKDHfmzGJbR/s1600/IMG_1584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgCALvs0O-1y3wZ1eTBKic3_bN46lRRsiwOlBEghI68uGwoOamgDwDYiN2wZngCJ5QkuGybtbyySXZzv663er3kWUGfT9cSBlPmlv7rEM8XsTvxVbqX2AmkNQXicMxqokQngKDHfmzGJbR/s640/IMG_1584.JPG" width="640" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
inquired about a summer, community-arts program Indigo was hosting and, when the
clerk mentioned there would be a trauma-informed art-making component, I jumped
in, volunteering I’d taken a similar workshop and really used the material. “Whose
workshop?” she asked. I couldn’t remember the organization, but recalled it was
held at the Baker-Hunt Cultural Arts Center in Newport. “Ha, no wonder you
looked familiar,” she said. “I’m Amy and I led that.” No kidding. Small world,
small delight.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOS03ASfa5k11vw1MX8iWsoJZeXsb1RVY8mkzTxbSJwDzFyAmcazw_tda2E9xyM7CKRr0eWwHO-AZlfUaRW272hkJBHpGOSG5Mm6W2yFSiM4HLrMBnAMhW4sSRkIldyTP0VBiua6yBEBqp/s1600/IMG_1619.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOS03ASfa5k11vw1MX8iWsoJZeXsb1RVY8mkzTxbSJwDzFyAmcazw_tda2E9xyM7CKRr0eWwHO-AZlfUaRW272hkJBHpGOSG5Mm6W2yFSiM4HLrMBnAMhW4sSRkIldyTP0VBiua6yBEBqp/s320/IMG_1619.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>After
shopping and chatting, we walked back to the Washington Park streetcar stop,
attempting to retrieve our car before our time lapsed. We got on the wrong loop,
winding up with a jam-packed tour of the city via the connector. Amazingly the
track down Race, Central Parkway and Vine whizzes past some of the city’s most-beloved
landmarks: Findlay Market, OTR, Washington Park, The Main Branch of the
Cincinnati and Hamilton County Library, The Contemporary Arts Center, Fountain
Square, Great American Ballpark, The Banks and the Underground Railroad Freedom
Center. At the riverfront, we turned east on Second Street and north up Main by
the Aronoff Arts Center, west on 12<sup>th</sup> Street, north on Elm by the
park, Music Hall, back to Findlay and ending in the Brewery District in front
of Rhinegeist. For $1, you can’t beat this tour.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvZ1Jwb_MLNTyE077dXIQSXtGW6JnYaxDj4BdMjG85OuekImEIeLDCFG6OJtIvaA6a_tzhHfoTO-OohP4ec_fQ-lHPotLTLWAL2Kd3PdT8G2ApOi5uowphisjG67YhUmV4z5HhnvuWcm0G/s1600/IMG_1625.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvZ1Jwb_MLNTyE077dXIQSXtGW6JnYaxDj4BdMjG85OuekImEIeLDCFG6OJtIvaA6a_tzhHfoTO-OohP4ec_fQ-lHPotLTLWAL2Kd3PdT8G2ApOi5uowphisjG67YhUmV4z5HhnvuWcm0G/s320/IMG_1625.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We
didn’t know to push the button to exit at Findlay, so rode on to Rhinegeist,
walked back to the market area seeking cold drinks. We stopped in Market Wines searching
for my friend, Linnea, missing her and the 4pm serving time. The congenial bartender offered his recommendations. The Rhined, a cheese shop that curates
domestic cheeses along with beer and wine was open, but empty, so we selected a
seat at Harvest Pizzeria's bar, ordering a wheat draft for $1 off during happy hour
and a natural root beer. Revived after a beverage and enjoying the view
across the front of the market, we doubled back back to our first stop, Dean’s
Mediterranean Imports, to collect<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a dinner
feast: French feta, falafel, Kalamata olives, dolma and a large slice of
fresh baklava.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">From frozen hot chocolate to frozen falafel, we celebrated the best of the Queen City's delights. It's good to occasionally be a tourist in your own city</span></div>
Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-45203080031796406032018-05-02T11:26:00.000-07:002018-05-02T11:31:51.408-07:00Friends begin, end Dallas jaunt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb9Dd5yimU5uw27ShgL7yCzsk33t2UsrNajcij2WLfYYCTcvAv6yN9oryFDFrZyv0CyD5EsLMEP-nrSHegqnb8jo445T7u5cxy1j__MqCswIosZsjA9GepMnD0FNf4cgMD98ESo9moylLd/s1600/IMG_1421.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb9Dd5yimU5uw27ShgL7yCzsk33t2UsrNajcij2WLfYYCTcvAv6yN9oryFDFrZyv0CyD5EsLMEP-nrSHegqnb8jo445T7u5cxy1j__MqCswIosZsjA9GepMnD0FNf4cgMD98ESo9moylLd/s320/IMG_1421.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtP1IOTRKOd_wP7reR1RkDAkm60J5X9iv80yO2oFYSd3ETNqTk9h-NaiLV1kCk4v0Ox9waKcnpNcQOLDO8mTqXCeMvy0F_BOl_smLz2PZLPAwe8ZI25OP3uCHObgHlk1le-NkqH8jcbVN2/s1600/IMG_1435.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtP1IOTRKOd_wP7reR1RkDAkm60J5X9iv80yO2oFYSd3ETNqTk9h-NaiLV1kCk4v0Ox9waKcnpNcQOLDO8mTqXCeMvy0F_BOl_smLz2PZLPAwe8ZI25OP3uCHObgHlk1le-NkqH8jcbVN2/s320/IMG_1435.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">P</span>acked and walking out the door of my comfy airbandb, two
small dogs bound in with my host Karin right behind. She apologizes, but I
don’t mind, the dogs are well-behaved, just curious. I fall in love with Hazel,
who is boundless on three legs. “I don’t know how she’d be with four,” Karin
confesses. I am glad to meet Karin, but grateful she has given me space. Turns
out we’re headed the same direction, the Dallas Farmer’s Market (well, she’s
going to yoga across the street) and she was just about to call Uber. I offer
her a ride in exchange for navigating. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nagrivating</i>,
I reveal my husband and I call it. We laugh and seal the deal. She’s out front
just as I get the car loaded and we’re off. It’s so much easier to negotiate
the snaking roadways with a human, who can even tell you which of the five
lanes you should be in. We get there quickly and without incident, a foil to my
drive in from DFW. As luck would have it – yesterday’s Google Maps now seems
way out of whack and scale – the pottery I tried to find is right across from
the farmer’s market. I park in the free yoga lot Karin suggests, say goodbye
and head off to explore the market.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTa14LaiNEbc1cx4TYfPP9RMwiVtii2YSYv2WqkiC03a8pAzbVZhsDPjD4VxE4vOytkNqu8YbFwwRny243lvARrmAnexxIb5aV7Xyu4o7vePvCPJ9rZ6S0D3lhxHrhcWiww-tSKsdbL4SM/s1600/IMG_1427.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTa14LaiNEbc1cx4TYfPP9RMwiVtii2YSYv2WqkiC03a8pAzbVZhsDPjD4VxE4vOytkNqu8YbFwwRny243lvARrmAnexxIb5aV7Xyu4o7vePvCPJ9rZ6S0D3lhxHrhcWiww-tSKsdbL4SM/s400/IMG_1427.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Less produce, more art and food stands, it’s a beautiful,
cloudless, sunny morning. I sample organic cheddar-and-caramel popcorn, “plain
Jane” local jerky and the “best cookies you ever had” when I learn they are
gluten free. I remark that the cinnamon in the oatmeal raisin is really good.
“Vietnamese,” he says and I knew it, my favorite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost purchase a small hand-painted, leather cross-body
bag, but wait to see what damage I do at the pottery. The artist uses acrylics
to marbleize the stylish bags. She makes a line of Frida Kahlo prayer flags
that are very tempting. I steel myself. I walk the inside and outside, opt against
breakfast and beeline to the pottery. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuA5ypoXLyLGQP90g_yAXk3Jbq8geqr8W7KtXtQ9eJ2HfMK4axK8FUEFHh0DPs00EuuChRIMc7M-N8fJYpvS7lo0RWttUywIv2eiN40t3YmPyWeaPS8p_zq7AaT-hQMFgJctOBdQr9mxjz/s1600/IMG_1436.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuA5ypoXLyLGQP90g_yAXk3Jbq8geqr8W7KtXtQ9eJ2HfMK4axK8FUEFHh0DPs00EuuChRIMc7M-N8fJYpvS7lo0RWttUywIv2eiN40t3YmPyWeaPS8p_zq7AaT-hQMFgJctOBdQr9mxjz/s400/IMG_1436.JPG" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dusty, packed and colorful, Amigos Pottery is my kind of
place. Doesn’t take me long to identify the tile section and I begin pouring
through, aligning my maybes on a tile table. I know I don’t want a repeating pattern
and discover I don’t want a symbol either, just a design. I select two that
will complement the faux finishes I spent hours splashing on my kitchen walls
and cabinets. I walk the rest of the outdoor maze, agonize over a few simple
chimeneas, but realize they will be impossible to carry or ship. I discover a section
of mini tiles and pour over those. I lay my 24 minis and my 24 medium tiles on
a spare counter and ask an employee who may be the owner if I can put them in
bags and feel how heavy they are. I explain that I am flying and can only take
50 pounds. He skillfully wraps my treasure in multiple bags and says they’re
not that heavy. I concur because I can easily lift them. So, I head back and
select another 12 medium tiles in a new pattern because I can’t help myself. I
schlep them all into my backpack, lumber across the street and land them in the
trunk, happy that my aborted mission from yesterday is accomplished.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Deep Ellum, another arts area I’ve heard so much about is
about 5 minutes away, so I decide to go for lunch before I head to Plano to the
wedding. I land free, street parking and can’t wait to explore. But I can’t get
my trunk to lock no matter how hard I try. This Mazda 3 rental has been a royal
pain. For the third time in three days I call roadside assistance, pushing the
corresponding number for auto features and am told my only option is to drive
back to the airport, an hour away and in the opposite direction of where I am
headed, and trade vehicles. I decline, walk around the block quickly while I
believe my car and those precious tiles are still safe, then drive toward Plano.
I am disappointed because Deep Ellum looked interesting and edgy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdNNjZkgrsgfueLUYajRhh1l6yZBx8ck_F9rc2Gk1g-kowQqlO55zi34eLkR83nVzg_fUSwreRgBmlWWNOF0UrtoO7yuHigFaABRm1HHRZZmJH8LX2BTkQxCe2xUz09Hjc8o7TaWEFvsMm/s1600/IMG_1444.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdNNjZkgrsgfueLUYajRhh1l6yZBx8ck_F9rc2Gk1g-kowQqlO55zi34eLkR83nVzg_fUSwreRgBmlWWNOF0UrtoO7yuHigFaABRm1HHRZZmJH8LX2BTkQxCe2xUz09Hjc8o7TaWEFvsMm/s400/IMG_1444.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Doesn’t take long to get on the freeway; my Google Maps is
set to avoid tolls because in addition to the toll there’s a daily upcharge
from the rental company. Had I not been busy driving or had a passenger, I
would have gotten a photo of the four-deck knot of highway. I’ve never seen so
much cement. Some piers were painted green or red with a star stamped in them.
Texas does things in a big way, which may have something to do with its
extensive suburban sprawl. Skyscrapers lined half the highway to Plano, then
morphed into the ubiquitous Olive Gardens, Michaels and Doubletrees in every
city in America. I almost forgot where I was.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Plano’s upscale McMansions on postage-stamp lots, about six
feet it seemed between neighbors, dressed in lush vegetation echo the state’s
vastness. Brick or wood walls guarded developments, so mostly you caught
glimpses of the massive, angled rooflines. I thought I spotted Buckingham
Palace by the roof. Every store or restaurant chain imaginable resides in
Plano, alongside these planned communities. I used to name caskets for a living
and was good at it. I could make a fortune in Plano naming subdivisions, malls,
strip centers, condos and apartment complexes. My Marriott Springhill Suites is
situated in a development with a convenient footbridge across the creek from
more shopping, restaurants and the reception site. I check in early, assisted
by very helpful staff, unloaded – those tiles were getting heavy – and took
time for a dip in the pool and hot tub. It was such a gorgeous day that I took
my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dallas 1963</i> book purchased at the
JFK Museum outside to sun and read. My weather app registered 84 degrees.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKKNBHKbzFDPME1h8WBs1gNPSaMA47mduyt2huGVzmZrONB5MBvmG_RB3akufhy38KIZFjFvjPZzJzv0dKm6Ok1GsqQsdSFaS9HADfnTex5lFdwB4etXIg4T9agdDb9lJ4LHK73g4TSy7n/s1600/IMG_1468.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKKNBHKbzFDPME1h8WBs1gNPSaMA47mduyt2huGVzmZrONB5MBvmG_RB3akufhy38KIZFjFvjPZzJzv0dKm6Ok1GsqQsdSFaS9HADfnTex5lFdwB4etXIg4T9agdDb9lJ4LHK73g4TSy7n/s400/IMG_1468.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After leisurely prepping for the wedding, I was off to the
church for the true reason I was in Dallas: the first wedding of a childhood
friend. Amy met Stephen well after she ever dared to believe it could still
happen, I suspect. They came to Cincinnati last summer to announce their
engagement and meet family and close friends. Amy’s and my parents met as
students at the University of Iowa, lived in Chicago and moved both of our
families in close succession to Cincinnati. We’re really more like family. No
one else could travel right now, so I felt like the Rose Family Delegate. There
was no way I would miss this wedding. Amy’s like a sister and I immediately
liked Stephen and could see how they balanced each other. He encouraged her to
launch her own real-estate business, which is how they came to build the
beautiful house I’d toured the previous two days in the Bishop Arts District.
He’d also nudged and accompanied her home a few weeks ago to visit my sister
and her ill husband. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Seated early, I was mesmerized by the massive organ,
counting it’s shiny pipes and awestruck by long stained-glass window gradating
from yellow-orange to red, then blues with a simple, yet immense window running
forming a cross. I know faith and music have meant a lot to Amy over the years
and this space was sacred to her. I was honored to be visiting and
participating. The service was more than lovely, it included inspired words,
Scripture, vocals and vows. Amy’s older brother walked her down the aisle channeling,
as he said, his inner father to read a poem their dad and written.. His voice
broke a few times, but he did really well, appearing well out of his comfort
zone. As Amy floated to the alter happier than I have ever witnessed in a
beautiful dress, I felt her father’s presence. He was an impeccable artist with
an eye for details. He would have loved the dress.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPnMQkjzEz1-_YBi4_aQ9rc_yHb4MDBRU-wuTbtoqkzWKLV07136LQXZE7tX_GPaAvgh4Dw6z_CI9-ZnWlWdkOD8hq-C1yaTY7fAOjNm-7viCmiQxFtaCcxzum8AFD0PpPZj0OYLZxRCWO/s1600/IMG_1485.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPnMQkjzEz1-_YBi4_aQ9rc_yHb4MDBRU-wuTbtoqkzWKLV07136LQXZE7tX_GPaAvgh4Dw6z_CI9-ZnWlWdkOD8hq-C1yaTY7fAOjNm-7viCmiQxFtaCcxzum8AFD0PpPZj0OYLZxRCWO/s400/IMG_1485.JPG" width="400" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc02ayUfu8AmyiEtGlRtpfuH6XWFOGoQp_IXrY_ZUtuCdboNRK-Vj1OkHVLMOB26-E7o5PrqDgpGcFGRwsnPck8re2JAn-HYsY6xBDSNMZ2ZkQ2dJ4NS9kSmehAsan7m8PiebVT0w4pSJm/s1600/IMG_1528.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc02ayUfu8AmyiEtGlRtpfuH6XWFOGoQp_IXrY_ZUtuCdboNRK-Vj1OkHVLMOB26-E7o5PrqDgpGcFGRwsnPck8re2JAn-HYsY6xBDSNMZ2ZkQ2dJ4NS9kSmehAsan7m8PiebVT0w4pSJm/s320/IMG_1528.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Pomp and ceremony over, I caught up in the lobby with
another longtime family friend, who lives in Boise and I had not seen since
1995. Just like our parents had, we reconnected instantly and sat together
catching up and reminiscing at the reception. I was so grateful for Sarah and
Renee’s company. Everyone else I knew was part of the wedding party. We ate,
sipped wine and danced the night away, reveling in his new journey for Amy and
Stephen. They’re taking a cruise down the Danube as a honeymoon. Bet it’ll look
blue to them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am so grateful for the journey to Dallas I had as a result
of this invitation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was up early the next morning, nervous to return the
rental car and ask for a discount. I opted for the quicker tollways and spotted
a gas station at the airport, higher priced, but cheaper than paying for a full
tank of gas. I checked in and was told I’d need to find a manager for any bill
adjustments. No one was at the desk before 7 a.m., so I went to the one open
and the agent agreed to help. “The manager should be in now, but he’s
quitting.” Didn’t sound promising. I took her 18-percent discount, figuring I
could duke it out over e-mail. However, no one will know to check this car for
the next renter.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Got my bag checked and entered the security line when a
young woman, Kayla, came up behind me afraid she was late. I told her to relax
when I realized we had the same flight. DFW doesn’t recognize TSA pre-check
except that I didn’t have to remove my shoes and I didn’t feel segregated form
the rest of the travelers. My bag was examined for – you guessed it s I did –
the tightly packed tiles. Once opened, I was handed the mess to repack and said
I was good to go. I reconnected with Kayla, a nurse, in line for coffee and she
handed me an Emergen-C pack to stir in my water. “Always taking care of
everyone?” I asked. “Yes,” she replied. I was also reacquainted before boarding
with Natalie and Penny, the mother and daughter with whom I’d shared the
incoming flight. They’d had a great weekend at the NFL draft and Natalie had
pinched the butt of some player whose name rang no bells for me, but made her
happy. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My neighbor and I commiserated with the woman in our row’s
aisle seat who said she’d traveled to Dallas for her granddaughter’s prom, only
to have the boyfriend break up with her <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">during
the dance</i> and have her home two hours later. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What a creep, </i>we concurred.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A half hour from home, I nudged my sleeping neighbor and
politely sked if I could get through. Didn’t think I could make it home before
needing a bathroom break. On my way to the back of the plane, a man called my
name as I dumbly looked at him. He said his name and I knew him immediately.
We’d gone through school together. Apparently he’d send me a Facebook message,
but I’d already had my phone in airplane mode. I got to meet his wife and a
daughter and would have been so upset to have discovered the message too late.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It was a nice bookend for my trip, matching the other old
friend I’d bumped into at CVG going to my gate. I came away with new friends,
old friends and many tales to tall. Thank you, Dallas. Thank you, Amy.</span></div>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-27917744777745154922018-04-28T05:38:00.000-07:002018-05-02T11:32:46.834-07:00Dallas: streetcars, community bicycle rides, crisp cider, a container for grief<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMGerqnDFRTpsBrSutc6KZVE59TqTgBYUxqWW2CbBoqMU5b8dHEMlC-pFuUyv-lUaS5-DUzAMBXxOG37PYfi3O9_X8Mk7z7au5xD24F8MaNG0Eh1CyNGdpkrAwe5q5bNdR0D0VyJ_OffEY/s1600/IMG_1417.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMGerqnDFRTpsBrSutc6KZVE59TqTgBYUxqWW2CbBoqMU5b8dHEMlC-pFuUyv-lUaS5-DUzAMBXxOG37PYfi3O9_X8Mk7z7au5xD24F8MaNG0Eh1CyNGdpkrAwe5q5bNdR0D0VyJ_OffEY/s400/IMG_1417.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">G</span>ot myself
this morning to the streetcar that connects downtown. In fact, I found
convenient parking as the streetcar waited. However, it took 20 minutes to lock
my car – the remote was probably low on batteries and you can’t know if it’s
working unless you’re far enough away and you can’t have the keys on you to
know if it’s locked. Madness. So I watched the streetcar depart as I wrestled
with extracting the manual key from the fob. No easy feat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikzq7HbfvFJw9f4imvKnrHFkWJJkBksjY3poPq_OuXvmicDOoxN8dXyVUBBDlzYs1YeKd1IeiCEdVFq-gnCuCXP4G8DNWiovOOQDO6vFtlH2pwpJgfvfAuckdwOIrQprQaVmcK2qKylOSU/s1600/IMG_1394.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikzq7HbfvFJw9f4imvKnrHFkWJJkBksjY3poPq_OuXvmicDOoxN8dXyVUBBDlzYs1YeKd1IeiCEdVFq-gnCuCXP4G8DNWiovOOQDO6vFtlH2pwpJgfvfAuckdwOIrQprQaVmcK2qKylOSU/s200/IMG_1394.JPG" width="200" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">As I walked
away waiting for the next car, I called the rental roadside assistance and was
told I could take the car back to the airport – a harrowing 45 minutes away –
for a new car. So, I just asked that my complaint be registered. Thankfully, the
ride downtown was easy and gave me a sense of the broad neighborhood, the wide
gap with a river separating the downtown and the monstrosity of road snaking
around the city. The driver was friendly and knowledgeable, offering that the
connector is not widely used. It’s easy and free, but I think Texans, like the
rest of us, prefer their cars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">The ride ended
near Union Station and I walked 2 blocks to the JFK Museum. Seemed like a
quintessential thing to do, although a bartender at the cider company, a Dallas
native, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>said he’d never been. I
waited in line to buy a ticket from a sweet cashier who called me – and
everyone else – sugar with a southern charm. I waited in line for a timed
visit, was handed headphones and a small tablet, then took the elevator to the
sixth floor, joining dozens of others to understand and relive the trauma of 55
years ago. Our bratty neighbor ran to the driveway after we had returned home
from the grocery to tell us. Even he was shaken.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyphenhyphen66H4MhuwoiGvYAG0d7W9jHUnyEvCg24upJ-syTz-cOyEo4TGeBm2mltqbM0mSngLoAF136AEN4cWcFuj5UgmdebTv7kqTZ0p3xPMpllCT4CBmZQGv_tRfn44vSpnR0cG4XFlN0z1MRg/s1600/IMG_1351.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyphenhyphen66H4MhuwoiGvYAG0d7W9jHUnyEvCg24upJ-syTz-cOyEo4TGeBm2mltqbM0mSngLoAF136AEN4cWcFuj5UgmdebTv7kqTZ0p3xPMpllCT4CBmZQGv_tRfn44vSpnR0cG4XFlN0z1MRg/s320/IMG_1351.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">The exhibit
wound through a full floor of the book repository, weaving among displays about
the culture, turbulence, politics, idealism, Cold War and nuclear scares of the
era. I wondered what we had learned, just as I had recently while visiting the
May 4<sup>th</sup> Museum at Kent State University. We seem to repeat
ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">The counter
culture and idealism of the times interested me more than a blow by blow of
that fatal day; maybe because I had lived it. The AP wire tape caught my
attention, but not more than the area from which Oswald shot. As I approached –
the corner is kept as it was, littered with boxes and encased in plexiglass,
but you can peer out the adjacent windows onto the road and grassy knoll– I
felt chilled, the sinister energy of that day present. I couldn’t shake it, so
avoided the conspiracy and forensic information areas. It was almost too much
information. I needed some way to release the grief.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyuJiUQS-eGPqbYzJl7cEX8l2pY0LLyMv2FbaKJlAQ-tt8ssrrXnO06UMtlSy4eLzja7Tb0cz9-l-P-TiC8_LVhmyn7eqTPTnxcj1aXlRMNokyJxDeoukqNfpdUCTteHXnEsBsNJIw03mN/s1600/IMG_1354.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="146" data-original-width="640" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyuJiUQS-eGPqbYzJl7cEX8l2pY0LLyMv2FbaKJlAQ-tt8ssrrXnO06UMtlSy4eLzja7Tb0cz9-l-P-TiC8_LVhmyn7eqTPTnxcj1aXlRMNokyJxDeoukqNfpdUCTteHXnEsBsNJIw03mN/s640/IMG_1354.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">I quietly
exited, walked up a flight to a higher view than Oswald’s where I could take a
photo, then visited the shop to purchase a book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dallas 1963</i>, which purports to explain the crucible of Dallas that
contributed to Kennedy’s assassination. Texas conservatives wanted to contain
the spread of liberalism, which they felt was undermining America. I asked the
cashier what he had heard about this book, the store had tens of books on
Kennedy (minute-by-minute accounts, those by everyone who was ever there,
conspiracy theory, ballistics, etc), making it difficult to choose. He said
this was not among his favorites because it was one-sided. I assumed he meant
it placed Dallas in a negative light. I went back, relooked, and felt none met
my criteria of local flavor, except for this. I have a habit of picking up a
book about the locale when I travel. I am still reading the 500-pager I bought
about the Alamo several years ago. I found the paperback version, $10 cheaper
and lighter for air travel, and a postcard of a Kennedy campaign poster.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">I left,
sobered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZXc-A34JeIdvl183bxLNliWzNzWTwlv1WqVuGKhaKOOiuXI_5zEWutzvIWVpt_jFHVUtSNrfYHOdx4LwxQbxgDwcOw5Is48wIyxpPsMP4chIf8ZKFIk962qba9U6tQiNJVF34xX3FbxA-/s1600/IMG_1368.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZXc-A34JeIdvl183bxLNliWzNzWTwlv1WqVuGKhaKOOiuXI_5zEWutzvIWVpt_jFHVUtSNrfYHOdx4LwxQbxgDwcOw5Is48wIyxpPsMP4chIf8ZKFIk962qba9U6tQiNJVF34xX3FbxA-/s400/IMG_1368.JPG" width="400" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">My
next-planned stop wasn’t so high minded. I wanted to buy some colorful Mexican
tiles for the kitchen I’d just repainted with a rustic faux finish. Google maps
said it was about a mile away, but neglected to tell me the walk included
expressway. After a mile-and-a-half of wandering, I decided to head back toward
the streetcar, visit Union Station and return to Bishop Arts and the official
tour of the home the happy couple, whose wedding I was in Dallas to attend, is
building. But, first, I paused at the Philip Johnson-designed Kennedy tribute
that asks viewers to enter this container of peace and silence. The 1970s stark
structure is in need of repair and a funding campaign is underway. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I left that bit of grief and was in need
of a pit stop. I always feel safe and innocuous in big-city hotels, so wandered
into the Hilton Garden Inn. After, I walked fast so I could whip through the
terminal, one of my favorite kind of places to visit in new cities. Public
transportation is the leveling factor and train/bus stations have so much life
and character. Not true in Dallas, where Union Terminal was redone some decades
ago in such a blah, uninviting style, it was empty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">The ride back
was uneventful, I picked up my car and drove to the new house. Parked in front
were the wedding party in a black stretch limo and a large black charter bus
filled with wedding guests. I reconnected with old friends and visited the
stunning house, again. I was met at the door by my new friend Carlos, who lives
in the neigborhood, has been helping with the construction, and gave me a sneak
peek yesterday. I told him I’d rushed back and was starving. He hadn’t eaten
either, so after the showing, we headed up the street to Tribal, an organic,
juice-and-rice-bowl sort of place with mismatched woods, steel stools and white
wash. I ordered the kale, brown rice, pesto and fermented veggie bowl. He
ordered the same as a sandwich. I also had the chai, a very gingery, not-sweet
concoction with almond milk. I am picky about my chai; I want it spicy and not
sweet. This fit the bill.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipa-cjM3sem2ORBUmcDFc6RozY93Pu8w2dhICxNxK4XCDfHaDu7ylMDXZgFknL1pVnaP96BzcloZF4N-JXwzixGi2hoSl2t-PMIl73-zmigTFznPgKOBpXRNLxAxKj8YdgqVVYy7XEiiq6/s1600/IMG_1406.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipa-cjM3sem2ORBUmcDFc6RozY93Pu8w2dhICxNxK4XCDfHaDu7ylMDXZgFknL1pVnaP96BzcloZF4N-JXwzixGi2hoSl2t-PMIl73-zmigTFznPgKOBpXRNLxAxKj8YdgqVVYy7XEiiq6/s320/IMG_1406.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">We parted ways
and I walked to the variety of local shops, encountering a mass of kids and
bicycles. The local public school had encouraged kids to ride their bikes all
week culminating in an entourage excursion with police escorts, a celebration
along two closed streets, a musician using the back of a pickup as a stage and a
local restaurant providing mini root-beer floats. There were kids, parents,
teachers, shoppers, diners … truly an eclectic community event, one I would
like to emulate at home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpwq96_EU6n7MbuTOb7rPYSS5juGLW4yd_S-gXjYtHCfHYFCtmUM2x4ILq_JZKQjG3YcJX-RFIMkoCfAO9b7aN-NJHh2u7Z7NW-Kf1JcWb-BVY-sREItoJjTCarK7VySFzYaySP6e0_YOO/s1600/IMG_1409.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpwq96_EU6n7MbuTOb7rPYSS5juGLW4yd_S-gXjYtHCfHYFCtmUM2x4ILq_JZKQjG3YcJX-RFIMkoCfAO9b7aN-NJHh2u7Z7NW-Kf1JcWb-BVY-sREItoJjTCarK7VySFzYaySP6e0_YOO/s200/IMG_1409.JPG" width="200" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">After visiting
some boutiques and buying local soap and chapstick for my daughters, I rounded
the corner and impulsively stopped at the cider company. I ordered a flight of
four: guava aged in oak, strawberry rhubarb, blood orange and cran-blackberry.
Tasty, sour (which I liked) and crisp like wine. When I asked the tender why
ciders are so popular, he replied they weren’t in Texas, but with so many
people gluten free, they’re a good alternative to beer. A young man at the bar visiting
from Albany, NY was sampling a cider based on a recommendation from a whiskey
bar in Ft. Worth, which he said felt more like the old Texas. I am missing that
dose as Dallas is modern, congested, filled with concrete, more construction
and vegetation similar to home. However, my airbandb neighborhood is comprised
of neat, small ranches, working-class Latino-Americans and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>breath of fresh air.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">My sweater
disappears as I head back to the car in 80-degree, wonderful sun, finding a
charming, colorful house that must belong to an artist, meet a very tall red,
metal man, cross through the bustling neighborhood I visited yesterday, and collect
my vehicle. I make one stop at a discount store … because, you never know,
deals here may be different than at home. Not so much, except I picked up a
sheer shawl the exact color of my dress for the wedding for $5. I’d passed on
one at home from TJ Maxx for $15.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6z_DLfWecrwseXOL3QO1s3jAhoqcQegmOiio03QLzIZT1kIBT5oYdvl_lxdg-jsU4rzAwcugUNHLlC6D8U8kXFvkxaHENZ7bGe-9ZUaXYUZ5UTysedC-rZovTaNMP44ZCVR26Jsg_ExwK/s1600/IMG_1413.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6z_DLfWecrwseXOL3QO1s3jAhoqcQegmOiio03QLzIZT1kIBT5oYdvl_lxdg-jsU4rzAwcugUNHLlC6D8U8kXFvkxaHENZ7bGe-9ZUaXYUZ5UTysedC-rZovTaNMP44ZCVR26Jsg_ExwK/s320/IMG_1413.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">After lazing
in the late-day sun and calling home, I opt to skip heading back out for dinner
(though my host graciously messaged me a couple of taco options), finish the
guac, ceviche and handmade tortillas from yesterday atop greens, down a couple
of </span><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "palatino";">Estrella Jaliscos, and try to watch a movie in Spanish.
I give up, put on the Manchurian Candidate, map tomorrow’s adventure and fall
asleep.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-16167817399259086752018-04-27T06:27:00.000-07:002018-05-02T11:33:45.735-07:00 Not alone in the Lone-Star State<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiebZIaKcuESWNLoeO0mXtXPgY5DHoPa-h9KCNZCEDHv0CvLBJ43zVv9MtjxbE_cJ4uW2ujyg-mf1iXcfwzL3M9p-aVhYYnP__TDz9oekGhFNg5O6Be192rqiUfrFuwS6N2iYwtBmt0eSWa/s400/IMG_1298.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Texas Theatre</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>
hear an owl, a rooster and traffic from my cozy, studio airbandb. I think those
may be apt symbols for Texas, a wild and wooly place new to me. The owl
represents nature; the rooster, a rural, village-like culture; and cars,
progress as well as a way to get to the spread-out places. I tried like the
dickens to do this trip without renting a car, but not meant to be. The guy at
the rental-car counter, originally from Chicago, said: “No way, can you NOT
have a car. I had a hard time when I moved here three years ago,” he said
referencing the Windy City’s EL-subway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>I
had planned to be with my 17-year-old on this trip, but she miscalculated prom
and was invited to a special awards ceremony she could not miss. So, here I am.
In Texas, Dallas to be specific, alone. It IS the lone-star state,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFFpzZuxIwB2bk82XSyIiL02gPceL1GrzMt404ZLEFtkqszkgpFLuoXOaY2rAyw3LUklyutpRhhEOgLCsN7lFDW0SGCuIv_1ERWzFmfIP6vDMGlxaeW_DLv3V3Nn0B0nK7I5c-NGaSojbz/s1600/IMG_1293.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFFpzZuxIwB2bk82XSyIiL02gPceL1GrzMt404ZLEFtkqszkgpFLuoXOaY2rAyw3LUklyutpRhhEOgLCsN7lFDW0SGCuIv_1ERWzFmfIP6vDMGlxaeW_DLv3V3Nn0B0nK7I5c-NGaSojbz/s320/IMG_1293.JPG" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>And
I don’t mind a bit. Of course, I wanted the mother-daughter trip, but I doubt I
would have tackled the hole-in-the wall taco stand [and flirted for a hot sec
with the guy who wanted to buy my tacos and take me dancing] or a beer at a
crazy bookstore called the Wild Detectives [we would have done coffee, but then
I wouldn’t have had the privilege of sharing a beer with Jose, the
bartender/barista from Peru]. And maybe not the local, Fiesta grocery catering
to an Hispanic clientele or the school-uniform shop in the midst of an
authentic and not-so spiffy enclave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>The
trip began with a 4:15 a.m. alarm and my diligent husband depositing me off at
Frontier (ok, it’s CGV, so they all pretty much share the same drop-off and terminal
these days). Took five minutes to check my bag and get through TSA pre-check,
which I see as pretty much white privilege. Rarely do I spot anyone of color in
those lines. It feels a bit segregated to me, but the cost of flying probably
eliminates the have-nots.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>After
walking past my gate hidden before the Subway, I stumbled into a friend, who
has moved back to town. It was fun sharing an early-morning yawn. No time for a
Starbucks as the place was packed and my other half had French-pressed me a decaf
and had it ready in a go-cup. Yes, I know, he’s pretty special.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It
seemed I’d have a row to myself until the legions of Bengals’ and Browns’ fans
began to board for the NFL draft (of which I know nothing, except what my seat
mate explained). I silently chuckled as the 6’7” guy stuffed himself into the
middle seat across from me. Luckily, Penny and her college-senior daughter, all
of us under 5’5”, neatly fit and slept most of the trip. Before some shut eye,
I did learn Penny is a longtime Bengals’ season ticket holder and was one of 32
NFL fans flown, wined and dined at last year’s draft. She won a similar honor
this year. This six, burley twenty-something guys in the row ahead of us drank
Bloody Marys. They weren’t obnoxious, merely entertaining. As much as our
flight attendant, who mimed the whole safety spiel (including drowning and
gagging from the oxygen)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to much
laughter and applause. I asked if she’d studied acting and she said she had
attended a school for performing arts, her life had taken a different turn and
she wanted to use her skills. The trip flew by.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTIgHmmKRJuwGg4MTfZck82gI86w5_W_YWREZn6-Ocr3Zg5BmyniiUTHWKeVOvbpG3HkmGuTNdkdptg4l2loUwsr5w-qxrUeEUAH6aOei7Iq_-upfMsKH2ME8mMe70FlRCrMagDh6w9nhn/s320/IMG_1303.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
whipped through DFW airport, was whisked aboard a shuttle to all car rentals –
apparently they ran out of room, so all agencies are located in a new terminal
just for cars about three miles away – collected my sporty Mazda and drove off
to parts unknown, listening to my navigator. Until there was no guiding voice,
so I pulled over to discover I couldn’t sync my phone with the vehicle’s
Bluetooth. When my phone charged, there was no audio. This would not do for
driving in a city foreign to me. Desperate, I simply unplugged the phone and
got my audio back, hoping to have enough charge to get to Bishop Arts, just
outside of downtown Dallas, near by accommodations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV877eASSFwVPrq-YzZUs9dbXvqE7P9AEUn9XrHAtZU9xjk2r0GaEw-zSlEr5lulDy5uvkMtGrnFqqyegrCVxmdz08xVUCTVJaBvgwxTHyyST4H9AfNqrqB8e5hW9w9MA6LnfrIr1qBDjW/s1600/IMG_1279.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></a><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I
was being charged $3 a day plus the amount of tolls on my rental, so opted for
the actual “free” way, which may have been why it was so harrowing. So many
switches, confusing construction and snaking roads. When I arrived, I parked
next to an elementary school, exhausted and grateful … until I could not get
the car to lock. I retrieved the quick-start manual, then the full manual to
read up on “advanced” keyless entry, which left me clueless to how it<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> doesn’t</i> work, even though I’ve driven a
keyless Prius for years. I called my husband, who smartly suggested looking at
a Youtube video. No help, so I called roadside assistance, suggesting either I
was missing something or the remote was malfunctioning. After a bit of stifled
silence, the operator returned and said to move farther away from the car, lock
it and leave my keys at that distance, then see if it locked. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Voila</i>. She said they get those panicked
calls all of the time. Phew. Now I could get on with my trip.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV877eASSFwVPrq-YzZUs9dbXvqE7P9AEUn9XrHAtZU9xjk2r0GaEw-zSlEr5lulDy5uvkMtGrnFqqyegrCVxmdz08xVUCTVJaBvgwxTHyyST4H9AfNqrqB8e5hW9w9MA6LnfrIr1qBDjW/s1600/IMG_1279.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="352" data-original-width="640" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV877eASSFwVPrq-YzZUs9dbXvqE7P9AEUn9XrHAtZU9xjk2r0GaEw-zSlEr5lulDy5uvkMtGrnFqqyegrCVxmdz08xVUCTVJaBvgwxTHyyST4H9AfNqrqB8e5hW9w9MA6LnfrIr1qBDjW/s640/IMG_1279.jpg" width="640" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">First order of the day, now midmorning, was to eat tacos. I walked toward a woman in front of a Mexican restaurant and asked her for a recommendation. "Don't eat here, down that way," she pointed, to a taco stand, "Taqueria El Si Hay." With that advice I ambled down the street to a tiny walk-up joint surrounded by pick-up trucks. I asked the guy ahead of me what he was ordering. He said fajitas. I let the guy behind me go while I debated, then I ordered corn tacos with fajita (steak) and bistek (steak) because they were out of al pastor (pork). The person ahead said I'd made a good choice, but I think he would have said that no matter what. He very persistently tried to 1) buy my tacos 2) have lunch with me 3) invite me to go dancing among other things. He was amusing, not menacing. Even so, when I was able to disengage, I chose to walk a ways to find a quiet place to eat ... alone. My feast was pleasing, if a bit greasy, and topped off with a Mexican Coke. It really does taste better.</span></div>
<h2 style="background: white; line-height: 13.2pt;">
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
walked the arts district, peering into a t-shirt shop, then meeting Kristen in her
lovely, artistically curated gift shop, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all
GOOD things</i>. She drafted a list of her favorite places – she lives downtown
and loves her city – around Dallas for me on beautiful embossed stationery. “My
boyfriend and I are thinking of writing a guide because we get so many
requests.” I got a sneak preview. I stopped in the electric bicycle shop to
enquire about a rental, was lured into Lydia’s eclectic shop by the smell of patchouli
and we traded stories about the helpfulness of CBD (hemp) oil. I think it was
there I saw a t-shirt that read: “I love Jesus and I like to drink.” A bit edgy
and sacrilegious, but VERY human. My daughter said it sounded very Texas, which
was my impression.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnC7JXvm2DTWKOz0ymtE4wYqZ1b9JHBZZyJx3kA1zgHi6jZE7VT5Uxowhe2rKP6_D5UaGY7pFzTH2Um6AiowBRafHKbt3UHL6Yc4FVVdm7qfV0YydMxBAefI5UCVR5vtRAENn7WlMl8fnq/s1600/IMG_1292.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="206" data-original-width="640" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnC7JXvm2DTWKOz0ymtE4wYqZ1b9JHBZZyJx3kA1zgHi6jZE7VT5Uxowhe2rKP6_D5UaGY7pFzTH2Um6AiowBRafHKbt3UHL6Yc4FVVdm7qfV0YydMxBAefI5UCVR5vtRAENn7WlMl8fnq/s640/IMG_1292.JPG" width="640" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I
eventually made my way to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wild Detectives</i>
for a restroom to wipe away the travel grime and order a coffee. Only I began
conversing with Jose, the barista/bar tender and we shared local brews (his was
half size since he was working). A transplant from Peru with a degree in
philosophy and a local teacher-girlfriend, he imparted his local tourism
knowledge, pushing the Kimball Art Museum in Ft. Worth. “You walk in and see
the Old Masters and Picasso. No on believes Texas has that kind of culture,
like New York.” Apparently, there’s an entire cultural corridor in Ft. Worth,
more of Old Texas with this exception, Jose said. Another customer, visiting
from Brazil, overheard and highly recommended not only the Kimball (designed by
Louis Kahn), but the Amon Carter Museum designed by Philip Johnson and American
Art and the Modern Art Museum of Ft. Worth, designed by <span style="background: white; color: #222222;">Japanese architect Tadao Ando. He delighted in their exteriors as well
as their collections and seemed to be an architecture geek.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>I
still had time to kill before my rental was ready, so walked to a more
authentically Hispanic, less gentrified, section of the area, as recommended by
Jose. So many glamorous dresses filled little shops, tucked beside mini
mercados stuffed with piñatas and auto-insurance and medicare/caid-assistance
businesses. I stopped in a consignment shop because I always like to see what
the local treasures are, and met a young woman from Guatamala, a preschool
teacher with a very sick seven-year-old. A bright red, wingback rocker tempted
me, except that I couldn’t imagine the hefty baggage fee Frontier would charge.
I was mesmerized by Levine’s, an old-school department store, offering rack
after rack of school and work uniforms and every sort of Levi style ever
conceived. There was a platoon of navy blazers embroidered with school names. I
asked the clerk if there were a lot of private schools. Charters, he corrected
me. I ended my visit at Fiesta, the local, large grocery, perusing the exotic
fishes, meat parts, stacks of tortillas and cactus leaves. I opted for
store-made ceviche, guacamole, Amarillo tortillas, a small wedge of queso
cotija, a six-pack of Estrella Jalisco, a handful of 10-cent limes and piece of
flan.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLMFIugvxGgk8KM_JP355cza3-CsZz1DAJwdWhtTIDjxyDyktN79oOWjabPAADfmQRcate2KR9DtZn1kJI221FzvCWdvPvRI2s2Nx-ZiY8i-lx4HMDCw1i5J2DUj3aA0dUsMdgv2zYi0Z-/s1600/IMG_1305.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLMFIugvxGgk8KM_JP355cza3-CsZz1DAJwdWhtTIDjxyDyktN79oOWjabPAADfmQRcate2KR9DtZn1kJI221FzvCWdvPvRI2s2Nx-ZiY8i-lx4HMDCw1i5J2DUj3aA0dUsMdgv2zYi0Z-/s400/IMG_1305.JPG" width="400" /></span></a><span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">With
an hour left to check-in, I drove by the home my childhood friend and her
fiancé – their wedding is the REAL reason I am in Dallas – are building in the
arts district. Workers installing the tile on the front porch motioned me
inside when I asked for the groom-to-be and general contractor. My mouth was
agape at how stunning this spacious, well-planned, heavily-detailed
contemporary-but-classic home is. I waited for Carlos to finish a phone call. A
friend of the groom, he graciously showed me the house, all of its nooks and
crannies and secret storage. Some of the storage rooms are bigger than bedrooms
in my house. Harry Potter would have a villa under these stairs. Intricate,
hand-crafted wood floors, deep crown molding and custom cabinets made me drool.
This is a to-die-for dream house. I swore Carlos to secrecy that I hadn’t been
there because the wedding includes a chartered bus ride to see the home.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>I
am so happy to learn more about my friend, Amy, a Texan for a long time, on her
turf. I only see her when she returns to Cincinnati. Our parents became friends
in college and lived in Chicago as young adults raising young families. They followed
us to Cincinnati shortly after we were transplanted. We’re more family than
friends. Because of life circumstance, I am the only one from my family
available to make this trip. Amy and Stephen recently flew home to visit my
sister and husband as he struggled with illness. That’s family and long-term
friendship.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidme4FTNxm-b0Nie_x3_AylODfrTc-xhwZJbD4lPY2lRQx-aUS2WTn3Y-glPyaC5eBweojk0LfaRvD72d-zsYct4Kncr3nryUFt4ZfxvRllVvnFn5af16yQxVhS1K4u5yo1AehBlyuHWaT/s1600/IMG_1335.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidme4FTNxm-b0Nie_x3_AylODfrTc-xhwZJbD4lPY2lRQx-aUS2WTn3Y-glPyaC5eBweojk0LfaRvD72d-zsYct4Kncr3nryUFt4ZfxvRllVvnFn5af16yQxVhS1K4u5yo1AehBlyuHWaT/s320/IMG_1335.JPG" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I
left this beautiful spot to head to my well-appointed, but much sparer studio
to revive myself from the very long, but fruitful day. I opened a beer and
lingered in the late-afternoon sun, feasted on my store-bought goodies, planned
the next day, binged a bit on Netflix and retired to the sounds of the owl,
rooster and traffic, which lulled me to sleep.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "palatino";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-64164583320886845682017-11-06T12:10:00.000-08:002017-11-06T14:38:42.926-08:00Bubbles bursting with gratitude <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">T</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">here have been rare times in my life when independent
bubbles of family and friends collide and this past weekend was one of the
best. My twin sister’s daughter was married on my husband’s sister’s and
husband’s 30 acres in Clinton County. Three days of prepping, hosting the event
and dis-assembling became a marriage of families, many families, as well as the
happy couple: Sarah and Colin.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5TMA3MRmTP1KbKvEQdwELCY0QjfigdJDh3Zulkk3BZIRfj-u0wDDUMwGKy5L2i26UPW6p3A6D3x9027NA580qLuYV11g53E1HLm0U3eXtJ2hXylJE1BBTgBgilflzYvNWB6cUkkmbbziX/s1600/IMG_7973.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5TMA3MRmTP1KbKvEQdwELCY0QjfigdJDh3Zulkk3BZIRfj-u0wDDUMwGKy5L2i26UPW6p3A6D3x9027NA580qLuYV11g53E1HLm0U3eXtJ2hXylJE1BBTgBgilflzYvNWB6cUkkmbbziX/s320/IMG_7973.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Uncovering the layers of relationships is complex. My
immediate family was together for the first time in 10 weeks as our oldest
traveled home from a busy college path and weekend job. My parents, who have
grown a little slower, attended in addition to so many of my mother’s family
from Iowa, mostly cousins, children of cousins and a beloved uncle. They drove
the 12-hours on Friday, reveled in the ceremony and reception and turned around
for home Sunday morning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My sister from the DC-area, her husband and son made the
trek. And, of course, my twin sister, Carolyn, was front and just behind center
as mother of the bride. Her husband, my brother-in-law, whom I’ve known since
we were 16, was at her side as he struggles with illness. He’s like a brother.
His mother, who just moved to my town, attended along with her daughter and
family from Michigan.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My niece Amanda, her husband, John, and one-year-old were
there to support sister/sister-in-law/aunt Sarah tie the knot.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYdT3XOpkjSd42DnkdSAtcTy6KNp5E7852EOGaRJfWqPwe6BnnZ6Mm9YiDHwX64cMzemAnq6h5SjBZxo1j_-ZEBl9bf2-kRft73nvKemJYAUfZEFStHr6iO6mDv3QqlQhcXJvmqNmhbA1Q/s1600/couplebw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYdT3XOpkjSd42DnkdSAtcTy6KNp5E7852EOGaRJfWqPwe6BnnZ6Mm9YiDHwX64cMzemAnq6h5SjBZxo1j_-ZEBl9bf2-kRft73nvKemJYAUfZEFStHr6iO6mDv3QqlQhcXJvmqNmhbA1Q/s320/couplebw.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When Sarah and Colin decided to make the leap, quickly,
Sarah called to ask about barn venues. They had recently become engaged and
wanted a ceremony in Ohio (they live in Hawaii) while Sarah’s dad, Andy, felt
well. As we talked, Sarah sheepishly asked if I thought my husband’s twin
sister would remember the pact they had made when Sarah was a pre-teen
attending the annual fall party and hay ride and asking Patti if she could get
married here. Patti didn’t flinch then.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Or now. When I phoned her and not yet explained, she belted
out: “Is Sarah getting married and does she want to do it here?” She hadn’t even
known Sarah’s relationship status, yet she intuited with an automatic yes.
That’s just who she and Tom, her husband, are. They hosted a wedding at their
place in July and have held countless class and family reunions, a graduation,
memorial service, holidays and the traditional autumn party.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidciiWl7J8mFEg_IxkixcDHDHrx560jWj1SILbl0xUvmwyvvFYivY3C4wUavoitR-JhtjKI4PiZsr_dS_dy0Hq7xCMHwPRYZWiZnAKBxDcNHM28BZ4qvUv0F7JBVmoq0LauuOXBS8J5z0E/s1600/IMG_7970.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidciiWl7J8mFEg_IxkixcDHDHrx560jWj1SILbl0xUvmwyvvFYivY3C4wUavoitR-JhtjKI4PiZsr_dS_dy0Hq7xCMHwPRYZWiZnAKBxDcNHM28BZ4qvUv0F7JBVmoq0LauuOXBS8J5z0E/s320/IMG_7970.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sarah had a tent with clear sides installed on the property
and set the most beautiful scene, straight from Pinterest, she said. She
doesn’t give herself enough credit. The geo-physicist has some creative skills.
Putting on those finishing touches was such a pleasure as the bride’s family
mingled with the groom’s. I met Colin’s mother, brothers, step mother and step
brothers, a sister-in-law and one soon to be. If the family tree isn’t exactly
straight, it was certainly filled with loving people traveling from both coasts
to celebrate this marriage. One person confided they knew Sarah was “the one
because Colin was so tender with her.” What a sweet and telling confession.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">My heart was so full this morning in yoga as I recounted the
rekindling of old relationships, the conversations, the new friendships and how
the union of two loved and loving souls brought so many together. So many lose
ends that would never have connected otherwise.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am bursting with gratitude for the fullness of life and everyone
in it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you, Sarah and Colin. #onemooreconway</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0FjkQ1OaI8UJe-TINDPfJ7y5u5zRF5urQfvaNLedFjOStPOP1KwDU_Wj3mwWZqbIUlO7_wDFMazDk1zq3VO6jX6cnUMCQ5617S1snZApKRxQDHwvNgrbai3mmvpNvIP8Tlkq9hRCLQ6y/s1600/tent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="138" data-original-width="640" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0FjkQ1OaI8UJe-TINDPfJ7y5u5zRF5urQfvaNLedFjOStPOP1KwDU_Wj3mwWZqbIUlO7_wDFMazDk1zq3VO6jX6cnUMCQ5617S1snZApKRxQDHwvNgrbai3mmvpNvIP8Tlkq9hRCLQ6y/s640/tent.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-84750292969414911792016-11-12T07:04:00.001-08:002016-11-12T07:04:32.783-08:00When all but hope feels lost<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikiB45l8cw7cPAm1Z5JuzYllHkQf4_-qGk5V4R2eeNIiDwVAAB-XzyKqYP-K7f1xewoRAeiSqtjJ0tk6hjLAePGgMNT4VSKaZGn1kVQJ-t326pyqNAHdPS9sk0uX7Jx5nzthNEeg6hlrPV/s1600/hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikiB45l8cw7cPAm1Z5JuzYllHkQf4_-qGk5V4R2eeNIiDwVAAB-XzyKqYP-K7f1xewoRAeiSqtjJ0tk6hjLAePGgMNT4VSKaZGn1kVQJ-t326pyqNAHdPS9sk0uX7Jx5nzthNEeg6hlrPV/s400/hope.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">D</span>ear Daughters (Millenniels, mothers, wives, women, Americans, men, LBTGQ friends, people of color, those who celebrate all faiths, immigrants),</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am so grateful for your beautiful young lives; you have brought me great joy. I only regret the country and mess I will leave for you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am typically a hopeful person, who was buoyed the last eight years with the first black president, a man of integrity, action, kindness and “the audacity to hope.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Perhaps it was this spirit of hope that propelled me in 2012 to launch a non-profit arts ministry aimed at my neighbors, 4-6th graders living in subsidized housing. At first, I wrestled with God: Why me? I’ve never done anything like this. I am small, struggling with fibromyalgia and raising a family. What I really need is a job.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The leading had been building for several years prior. I even tested it with my faith community of Quakers. The ministry wasn’t clear yet. When my body was pounding with this calling, I had no choice. I ached for my neighbors, who had much less than I, but most especially not white skin or invisible access to education, careers and acceptance. I wanted to give these kids possibilities for their lives. To present opportunities and a safe place for them to grow, find their voices and express themselves. And you, dear daughters and beloved husband, have been there very step of the way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">An amazing neighborhood and two churches have been there to help. We did this together. During this time, I recognized that I was not defined by my disease and flourished like these kids. Together, we grew.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the first time, three years ago, our family actually benefitted from a specific government program, the Affordable Health Care Act. The spiraling cost of our insurance, which increased 12-18 percent annually since 1991, was finally affordable and not our single, largest expense. Granted, we carried a $12,000 deductible, but it wasn’t crippling us. As artists and self-employed, very small business owners, this was huge. Since a car accident in 1998, I have not had the luxury of working full time and gaining health insurance partly at an employer’s expense. I have worked very hard to manage my pain, mostly outside of what insurance covers and at an additional expense. I have not considered disability nor eligible for unemployment. I want to and can work if I have the flexibility. Heck, I started a non-profit and learned the skill of successful grant writing, and a whole bunch more.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am blessed to be working more in my field as a contractor, still without guarantees or benefits. The flexibility leaves me time for my non-profit and my health.
Every year since the economic crash in 2008, which devastated your dad’s business, we have gained a little more. I wonder how a family of four with educated parents lived on $45,000 with $10,000 in insurance premiums just to have, not use, it. I watched our deductible balloon from $500 to $1,500, $2,500 and now $13,000.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I was hopeful. I saw all the good in the world, including in my own community. I rolled up my sleeves and pitched in. So have you. You both have big hearts and passion for others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As a family, this summer we traveled to the best wedding we have ever all attended. It was an LBGTQ event that welcomed all PERIOD. Swimming amid the diversity was astounding. It was like a lovely princess bride and her handsome groom feasting at the same table with every type of creature: some with pink hair, others with blue stripes, some with beautiful gowns and deep voices and average families like us. We all felt it was the ultimate blessing to be included. Come to think of it, the three weddings I have been to the past year were all LBGTQ. Until recently, one of my very dear spiritual friends felt she’d never be able to marry her love. Her ceremony was moving. Reminds me of the summer, now nine years ago, when I traipsed you off with me to the Quaker Gathering on a Pennsylvania college campus. One of you came straight from church camp and the sin box, which scared the shit out of me. The gathering corrected that. I was helping a friend facilitate a workshop on “night of the dark soul,” so was placed in a dorm room across from her. It was the LBGTQ dorm and, perhaps, your first exposure to those of a different sexual orientation. You both accepted it and the hospitality in stride. You, youngest, only remarked: “How cool, they have two moms.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I watch with pride as you, oldest, immerse yourself in college, ready to dive in after working hard two years doing both high school and college. You are finding your creative and career groove along with your art friends for life. It was hard to leave you four hours away, but eased with your success.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Youngest, I am grateful to still have you in the house, the only one we’ve ever lived in and paid off. Your enthusiasm and deep concern for those who struggle in the world touches me. Now, we’re working on where you attend college. We have your dream to launch.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the first time in years – and I have worked through much anxiety about living with pain and finding a new normal -- I am fearful for our dreams. Tuesday, along with the stock market, they came crashing down (yes, they did rebound, but I haven't).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We have not walked the traditional path. We are artists and writers, called to ease the pain in the world and try to make our way peacefully, with kindness and love. We have lived without the promise of an employer, benefits and retirement. Yet, we have managed to live frugally, pay off our house and cars, owe no one anything and get one to college with well-earned and appreciated scholarships. No government grants or loans. Your father and I never had those, either. I am no longer certain we can do the same for you, youngest.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think we are losing the world I introduced you do: one of color, diversity, creativity, civility, acceptance, kindness and love. One where you could dare to do anything with no regard for your gender.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">With the election of President Barak Obama, I thought racism died. Unfortunately, it was hiding just under the surface as my black friend, Curly, said so many years ago after the 2001 Cincinnati civil unrest. Youngest, when you were an infant, I answered the call to host a conversation on race to help our city heal. I learned so much in my three years with the group that was more diverse than my town. They still meet and those lessons stick with me:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">– You can only change one heart at a time;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">– Diverse friendships reward both sides;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">– White privilege is real;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">– Most of us white don’t even know we have it;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">– When we can look into the mirror and acknowledge our privilege, our compassion grows; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">– I will stand up for those treated as other.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">With a new president elected on a platform of hate, revenge and white supremacy supported by the KKK, I do wonder where God is in all of this. The only positive I can muster is that we, as Americans, are being forced to look in that mirror and face our darkness. It is not an easy task or for the feint of heart. I have been forced to look at myself many times. Each time, I shed a layer separating me from God.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am grappling to find the hope. At God’s leading and on her time, I planned to start a new spiritual-nurture group the eve after the election. When I realized, I chastised myself … until we knew the results and I understood my faith community would be hurting and in need of silence and companionship. After Sunday’s worship, one of our elder’s heeded us to go out into the world and be the best Quakers we know to be, shining our light, the path to God’s love, in the darkness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being together with God is the best balm. There in the corporate silence, I remember the hope. And my call to work with my middle-school neighbors this Saturday propels me to action and the respite of joy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is my story, my heart, my fear, my grief and, my hope. God never gives up on us, ever. She always turns our messes into something we could never imagine. I am trusting her with all my heart. Daughters, I encourage you to do the same.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Love,
Mom
</span>Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-80022702968440405372016-07-15T13:20:00.000-07:002018-05-22T09:53:07.380-07:00Humble encounters: what privilege do I really own?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin2EMxlbcltXTIwFDGVzEUjC7zF5f4Eg1ddIAmjpqFpvls-5kjEoqfHHIRX0NWkNV-BQMCOyBPTQflUCN_NZCqY7ag0ruCw3UdrbTBR_brgAUXXWBhdGwXY53AHpzZ34k6EEDvHC83T958/s1600/nojustice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin2EMxlbcltXTIwFDGVzEUjC7zF5f4Eg1ddIAmjpqFpvls-5kjEoqfHHIRX0NWkNV-BQMCOyBPTQflUCN_NZCqY7ag0ruCw3UdrbTBR_brgAUXXWBhdGwXY53AHpzZ34k6EEDvHC83T958/s400/nojustice.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">No justice.</span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">No peace.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">No racist police.</span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">T</span>hat chant, spoken en masse at a Chicago Black Lives Matter
protest and march, keeps reverberating in my head and heart. It stirred me as
lines and lines of blacks, whites, young, old, middle-aged, parents pushing
strollers, workers carrying briefcases and placards paraded past me on a Loop
street corner, bookended by police on bicycles. The whites who’d duct-taped
their mouths were powerful metaphors. Walking with my teenagers to meet my
husband for an early dinner, I’d encountered the group. I desperately wanted to
throw in with them, even for the half block to the restaurant. I didn’t.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After dinner, we strayed to Millennium Park, where the march
coincidentally led. My youngest and I worked our way closer and joined hands
with the protesters. We widened our circle and embrace to include newcomers.
This wasn’t about race, it was about justice. As a white person with privilege
I have not earned, I wanted to BE with my suffering brothers and sisters, to
share their pain and plight. To listen and understand with my heart. God had
called me to this place.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I had just spent the weekend at the most inclusive,
beautiful wedding with a rainbow of guests, learning that, if transitioning
from female to male, your maternal grandfather is you best reference for “how
furry” you’re likely to become. And that a committed couple – no matter their
sexual identity or preference – can love more profoundly than you’ve ever
witnessed at a wedding. I was inspired at the open atmosphere and the courage
of people being who they truly are. God smiled that day.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Approached on the subway by a gentleman trying to get his
life on track after prison, I handed him $10. “Mom,” one daughter said, “didn’t
you mean to give him a one?” I hadn’t. He asked for a quarter and God said to
give him more.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The morning we were leaving, we met Dash, a four-year-old
probably on the Autism spectrum, at breakfast. He’d wandered outside while his
father paid. I had waved to him in the window. He asked if we were strangers.
After exchanging names, said we weren’t and invited us to his house. He wanted
to know if he could have a turn sitting under the umbrella-ed table. I moved
over and his father joined me. While my husband and Dash’s father engaged in
shop talk, I searched my wallet for change, tossing coins on the ground to
confine Dash’s treasure quest to where his father could see him. Later, my
husband said the father expressed gratitude that his son was manageable. They were
having breakfast before Dash’s therapeutic school began. God was teaching the
value of looking deeper at people and circumstance.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We were accompanied by several sight-impaired young adults
and their aids on our last ride into the city. Later, my oldest spied them at
the French Market having coffee. They were out for an adventure many of us take
for granted. God was tossing me a pun: look at the world with your heart, not
your eyes.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The entire trip was riddled with humble encounters signaling
that, indeed, the last are first. What privilege do I really own? God’ grace
and guidance.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>• How have I been humbled?</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>• When has God spoken to me through an encounter with
another?</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>• When have I followed God’s nudge?</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>• When haven’t I?</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>• Where do I experience God’s richness in my life?</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>the ribbon</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>in my heart</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>unwound</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>reaching out</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>as if God's</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>hand</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>tapping those</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>the world views</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>as less</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>telling me</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>they are</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>more</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>so much</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>more</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<!-- Blogger automated replacement: "https://images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-ID1qVxb5rBc%2FVL6eUCr-u4I%2FAAAAAAAABeM%2FZZMFBjgFHyI%2Fs1600%2Fshirts.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" with "https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgqF0PUdm6MaergdcjWWBj5MI4-2wXA_yhiVqCJwAicNlV-N9Ho48yOsCwaol4tJpkWagtoAnawJtVzJ6mfPELhc07dzcvQ1LaxvTIKjZpMELk8Yz5KYbvFOcMw2mFuNIS1P4gBG6-iFpf/s1600/shirts.jpg" -->Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-16771678765183850822015-12-04T09:22:00.000-08:002015-12-04T09:22:35.345-08:00Life without Spirit IS crazy<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">F</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">or three months I was crazy busy, so I gave
up my blog. Temporarily, I told myself. For the following three months I’ve
been, well, crazy. Without it and the chance to process life.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Something tells me that exposing my
vulnerability has a resonance with others. Plus, six months of looking for
exterior validation has just about done me in.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I jumped this ship for a university marketing
job The first month was heaven. Then I partnered with a nice, smart guy with
little marketing background, but a Ph.d in process. We reported to an IT guy,
also congenial, but very busy, hands off and reliant on my partner. So I busied
myself writing and not shaping the marketing plan as I had been told. Along the
way, I learned that the last three marketing directors had been fired. My
perspective changed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am proud of the work I did accomplish,
especially connecting with students from a high-needs high school. In fact, one
of the young men continues to check in with me. He has so much promise and we
bonded over the drive home from the end-of-camp celebration. His parents,
immigrants from Somalia, were busy working. The fact that I knew his
neighborhood, where I used to live, surprised him. He moved here not speaking a
word of English. He’s since absorbed so much, blossoming in the STEM (science,
technology, engineering and math) curriculum at Hughes High School. He’s a year
between my daughters, so I have been coaching him on what to expect senior
year. He texted me on Thanksgiving and I wrote back that his friendship had been
a gift. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I also drafted content for a
special-education website, wrapping it with the personal story of an amazing
young woman who lives with autism. I serendipitously ran into her mother at a
family function and asked how her children were doing. Julia was at UC on a
non-degree track. I knew she must be in one of the program I had been writing
about. She agreed to tell me her story, which really personalized the web copy,
and touched my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I made a wonderful new friend, a talented
young graphic designer from China. Toward the end of my tenure, instead of
working through lunch, we found a shady bank of tables near the library and
shared our lives over food; typically a salad for me and some wonderfully spicy
Chinese leftovers for her. She has expanded my worldview, for which my life is
richer. I am still struck with one conversation about the effect of China’s
one-child rule. Fei-Fei says her generation feels abandoned because they had no
siblings. She infused her frustration over tedious immigration regulations and
snafus with candor, charm and humor. I learned what it’s like to be here as an
outsider, grateful for the opportunity and working hard. She has little
sympathy for illegal immigrants.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The gig ended with the verbal promise of
freelance work. I am still awaiting <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>
call, though I am back to some of the amazing work I was doing at the beginning
of the summer as a freelancer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This fall, applied for a graduate writing
fellowship feeling very confident in my proposal only to learn I was the
alternate. That was crushing, though the program director has promised to
provide feedback and lauded me for my passionate entry.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just before Thanksgiving, I spotted a
marketing job at a growing arts center that sounded perfect. I heard back
almost instantly, but the salary had no business being advertised as
director-level compensation. I let that one go immediately.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Out of the blue this week, I received word
that a devotional entry I had sent a year ago was being published in a global
collection. They asked us to promote it like crazy. I complied and trumpeted my
success on Facebook. Two days later, another e-mail arrived saying they had
made a mistake, I had not been included. I was livid, mostly embarrassed,
because I had tooted my own horn. Now, what do I do? I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Irritated, I trotted off to an advent evening
of reflection with a spiritual buddy. She kindly let me unload. We do that for
each other. We listened to readings of the Christmas story centered on Mary and
responded to queries. They helped me see that I took some time away for
practical things and I am on the next step of the journey whether or not it’s
obvious to me. A few spare lines in an adapted Magnificat, song of Mary,
stopped me cold as we recited them together.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You have blessed me lavishly and make me ready to respond. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">You shatter my little world and let me be
poor before you.<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You take from me all my plans and give me more than I can hope for
or ask. You give me opportunities and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the
ability to become free and to burst through my boundaries.<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">How can I serve?</span></i><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> I was forced to
offer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I took a long walk home from the gym this
morning, reconnecting with Spirit. When I returned, I found a heartening
response in my inbox about the devotional. I want to share this exchange:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 11pt;">Hi, Cathy,</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">I'm so very sorry for the social media
predicament my</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">mistake has caused you, especially after all
your</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">trouble to help publicize the book. It was a
very</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">human error and mea culpa completely for
selecting</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">the wrong group in our e-newsletter system. </span><br />
<span style="background: white;">Humbly,</span></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">Dawn<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">…<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I
am trying to look at this in a spiritual light – for myself – and the message
seems to be to look inward at God and not be so tied to external affirmation.
Not an easy lesson, but a necessary one nevertheless. So thank you for helping
me see that.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Appreciatively,<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">--
Cathy<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">…<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Hi, Cathy,</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I really
appreciate your sharing that with me. Hopefully soon it’ll be something I can
write about as a grace-lesson in my own life, but for now eating humble pie is
not so savory. Still it’s a good lesson in my frailty and need for grace!</span></i></span></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Dawn</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="ecxmsonormal" style="background: white; line-height: 15.15pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thank you, dear reader, for allowing me this
journey. I feel re-centered as a result.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>• What happens when I stop a regular
spiritual practice?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>• How do I let life get in the way of being
with God?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>• How do I let life dictate who I am?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>• How can I return to looking within and
letting Spirit tell me?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>• How can I model Mary’s quiet servitude?<o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>spinning<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>spinning<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>spinning<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>so busy and out<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>of control<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>in life<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>thinking this<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>is normal<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>buying <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>back in<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>forgetting<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>what centers<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>me, reminds<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>me<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>that life without<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Spirit<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>IS crazy</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-10633200550508239542015-05-30T05:16:00.001-07:002015-05-30T05:16:39.272-07:00Together in Spirit<div style="text-align: right;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3y0gFUnFGj_bMhVwuYt44QFSlpxEiIacqbLXh8nYql66Rvn5FQURUz1yl33eOB-Bugl5sJF00jTjafgxyhguFqCJZ6A-AVCC38vYhekHymQDkccATgcLr7bsqLf_m0k-c3Hu7qaySIWMy/s1600/clay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3y0gFUnFGj_bMhVwuYt44QFSlpxEiIacqbLXh8nYql66Rvn5FQURUz1yl33eOB-Bugl5sJF00jTjafgxyhguFqCJZ6A-AVCC38vYhekHymQDkccATgcLr7bsqLf_m0k-c3Hu7qaySIWMy/s400/clay.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The place Dan and Donne reside in my heart and how we are connected via Spirit</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">S</span>oon, I will have to release another sacred friend and Quaker minister from my life and heart. The first time, seven years ago, was traumatic. Dan had been my friend, monthly sharing a cup of tea when my kids were little, stumbling over them as they grew and even writing a message (short sermon) about the time when Autumn, just potty trained, offered to sit and hold his hand while he used the bathroom. "Everything I learned about ministering, I learned from Autumn," I think he titled it.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dan was VERY hard to let go of because he was the first person whom I could trust to talk about deep spiritual things, like the time I drove home from the Quaker Meeting and felt every red light and reflector glare at me as if evil or when I confessed I wasn't sure who Jesus was to me and he responded, "Me, either."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In the last year or so, we have gotten back in touch and it has been a joy. Over time, I learned to understand that the complete separation was necessary.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Necessary so I and my Meeting could establish rapport with a new minister, who happened to be Donne. I had been tasked with serving on a selection committee when, suddenly and separately, two people became acquainted with a recent Earlham School of Religion (Quaker) graduate serving a Unitarian congregation part-time. I met Donne on her first interview and was physically moved by Spirit to know she was the one for us. I was so convinced that, when our selection committee met in worship, I felt my heart being squeezed and knew Spirit was offering Donne as a gift. The person next to me said she had felt it as well. So clear that I stood aside, as Quakers say, and removed myself from the committee so they could continue their work. I would not change my mind. Another Friend was equally certain the search should continue. Eventually, Donne was hired.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Now, her cycle has ended. In a rare spate, I've missed three weeks of worship and touch with what is happening in my Meeting. I called Donne this afternoon, driving home from my new job. I wanted to catch her up on what was going on and suggest that, because of the new situation, I may not make all of the ministry retreat this weekend. She told me she was was tied up in a transaction and would call back.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Intuitively, I knew she was buying the RV she had mentioned months ago. She had dreamed of traveling. However, I hadn't quite made the connection that she was leaving.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We caught up earlier this evening at the retreat, which Dan was also scheduled to attend. Coincidence? Donne got a call a week ago that the simple-but-popular RV she wanted had walked onto the lot, did she want it? Yes, she'd said. If not, three others were in line behind her.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It's her time to be free. "Sounds like you've been released," I said, instantly recognizing that my ministry has been given the same message in the last week.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In her exit letter, Donne writes "... I must let go of you and ask you to let go of me. In other words, I have been your minister–a friendly one, I hope–but now someone else will be called to be your minister ... I will miss you deeply and love you always."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Can I do this again, God? This is the second person I've counted on to discuss deep things I rarely share with others. Dan and Donne have both seen the real me and have helped me see it in myself."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Yet, I know her cycle is over and it is time for her to move on from her ministry and into the unknown just as I am. Separated, but together, we will trust Spirit to guide us. That will always unite us.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I say goodbye?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• Who was the first person with whom I could have profound spiritual discussions?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I value that gift?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How have I learned to let go?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I trust Spirit in my own life and in others I love?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>she came in on</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>a whisp</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>arriving just</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>as we needed her</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>like Mary Poppins</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>as we grieved our</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>previous loss,</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>we saw she possessed</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>different gifts</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>gifts we sorely </b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>needed</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>she had this way</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>of flowing in and</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>around like water</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>wherever</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>she was needed</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>showing us the way</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>as Spirit is showing</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>her now,</b></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">only in a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">direction</span></b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>a part from us</b></span><br />
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-4865467201639663082015-05-26T09:16:00.000-07:002015-05-26T09:16:08.070-07:00Madly gifted<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">L</span>iminal space – I was introduced to that concept when I attended the School of the Spirit from 2004-6 for spiritual-nurture ministry. The term oozed attraction. I know that space, but never had a name for it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Literally, it means the sill of a doorway, a point of entering or beginning. Scientifically, it suggests the point at which stimulus is intense enough to produce an effect, such as the threshold of consciousness or the threshold of pain.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzSwckbchh0EbVd4ug1WOAuFhvbWaUXnhShXRA7FlOUINappsGcHK-lCrfxz3fmGdc5b7_k__wUQZrNHT2BwMEVemSbVcvMxZ3nDmwl25JeC0UftmQ8Z7yJ76X0MAnzDLH2u7C9r9qLpi9/s1600/liminal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzSwckbchh0EbVd4ug1WOAuFhvbWaUXnhShXRA7FlOUINappsGcHK-lCrfxz3fmGdc5b7_k__wUQZrNHT2BwMEVemSbVcvMxZ3nDmwl25JeC0UftmQ8Z7yJ76X0MAnzDLH2u7C9r9qLpi9/s400/liminal.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I discover it to be the in-between place, when one thing has ended and another has not yet begun. For me, it is usually a sacred place, the time and space in which I especially tap God's help because I don't know what is next or yet to come. A place of rest AND trust.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My best friend recently teased me that I always like the transitional times: in life, the change of seasons, between sleep and wakefulness, the plane between spiritual and material. She is right. I tend to live there more often than not.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And I am there right now ... as I finish moving my studio, hope to wind down Artsy Fartsy and, perhaps, begin a job. Some projects seem VERY done, others still have loose ends and there is much I don't know. So, I focus on what I do know and staying nearer Spirit.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Liminal times are often frought with new growth for me. I have rebirthed in this time and worked to re-pattern my brain and nervous system from being fear-based to rooted in the security of God's constant love. My shaman has a bumper sticker that says "LOVE < FEAR." I had't quite understood that until recently because I denied that I was living a fear-based life. Our world often pushes us to that brink.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In the midst, a week or 10 days ago, I just said to God "Ok, you do it. Whatever you want, help me to know it." Pieces seem to come one at a time and that is all I need.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A friend's Facebook post this morning caught my attention:</span><br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Is the seeking to live a life of integrity day by day a sign of mental illness? I've been told that so many times by people who have jettisoned their own attention to a moral center ... determined to pursue what the Bible calls "mammon."</span></i></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That is the struggle: to live faithfully in a world that is, essentially, faithless. Living there is truly a liminal space, dependent upon Spirit's movement and guidance. it's all to easy to be swayed from without. I enjoyed some of the responses:</span><br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"It depends if the person you are pissing off by choosing a life of integrity instead of money has the power to diagnose you or get you diagnosed."</span></i></blockquote>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <i>"I, by the way, identify am madly gifted."</i></span></blockquote>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Some ... believe that they must sacrifice their integrity and make ethical compromises for 'the greater good' ..." </span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Never lose yourself because someone who is lost bids you to follow."</span></i></blockquote>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"When one loses the moral compass of the minds, heart and soul we are well and truly lost. Hold fast to that piece within you that gives you peace."</span></i></blockquote>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>An</i>other Facebook friend – incredible that I am getting deep direction from what I typically think of as a superficial medium – has been posting daily about the beauty she sees each morning and God's hand in offering this day, this time to us NOW.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I believe the liminal spaces are times the veil thins, when we must wait and trust, turn inward and live with spiritual integrity day by day ... and feel free to tell others that we're madly gifted. God would certainly understand.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• When have I experiences liminality?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• What are qualities of those times?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• Did I experience God's closeness?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I experience daily integrity?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• What choices must I make?</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">cut off</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>from</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>original</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>knowing</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>we are</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>swayed</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>by the</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>norm</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>until</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>we</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>reawaken</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>and choose</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>to live</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>apart</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>from within,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>following</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>the stirrings</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>of the</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Inner Teacher</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>learning to</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>wait</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>graciously</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span>Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-8850008044587041842015-05-12T12:01:00.000-07:002015-05-12T12:01:31.389-07:00Have I been faithful?<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">T</span>he luxury of time to move and sort, pitch and remember has been a gift. A gift of solitude and gratitude.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">After a rambunctious and unusual Artsy Fartsy session Saturday, I am taking down the big stuff, shifting packed boxes into moving positions, no matter where that happens to be in the room, and very much aware that the room is disappearing. I didn't want the kids to witness this piece. I'd packed most of m personal possessions and things tucked and squirreled away, leaving the objects that have come to define my studio and to which the children have responded: the meditation tent, theater seats, art tables and Ikea stools, my desk, posters and their art on the walls, streams of colorful fabric draped from the ceiling and the full bulletin boards.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjERUKu9yfeOln2hmQUAVidBv-HSu1x9eLHkhsYdgNQAAyqxdw2tG0erDPx-LgG1Sn_plkJQeYQgfbMAsE7Gfwuv7qjd5WfCR0J20UTk5GujeFCzScWhD3GxYDcT-LhGscBL3-sQ2NJC_UV/s1600/artsy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjERUKu9yfeOln2hmQUAVidBv-HSu1x9eLHkhsYdgNQAAyqxdw2tG0erDPx-LgG1Sn_plkJQeYQgfbMAsE7Gfwuv7qjd5WfCR0J20UTk5GujeFCzScWhD3GxYDcT-LhGscBL3-sQ2NJC_UV/s400/artsy.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our memory flag created for leaving Milford Main</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today, however, the gloves are off and my mission is to smartly pack, move and store. I am relentless in pitching and recycling and may become more obsessive as I get everything into a box and see how much there truly is. I am already figuring a two-person system of getting my large garbage bags into the dumpster: having one outside on the ground below a second-story window and the other tossing down the bag, which should land only a few feet from the trash bin. The recyclable I may have to transport somewhere else.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I've been darting back and forth, packing this and that, adding to unfilled boxes with similar items. Before desiring a break to blog, I carefully folded 15 man-sized striped and plaid shirts the kids have used for paint smocks. It was almost like putting away my daughter's baby clothes. I could picture the kids in these enormous shirts and unrolled several sets of sleeves.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As I was rolling up posters, I opened what I thought to be an empty mailing tube. Tucked inside was a poster of two children holding hands and the caption: Companionship: those who bring sunshine to the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It opened some emotions as I drifted back to 14 years ago and the wonderful Neighbor-to-Neighbor group I organized. That was a three-year stint just as Artsy Fartsy has been. And the Neighbor-to-Neirghbor still meets! All of the touching and personal thank-you notes on the back became an echo of what I needed to hear about Artsy Fartsy ... the words I don't actually hear from families, but know they carry:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>"You're a jewel and an inspiration.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Thank you for all you do.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>God bless your caring spirit,</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Thank you for your energy and compassion.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Thank you for following your heart and getting us all together.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Thank you for your hard work and inspiration.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>A big heartfelt thank you for initiating and following through with Neighbor to Neighbor."</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Saturday was tough. After reminder post cards, phone calls and volunteer drivers, only three kids were out and about waiting. I knocked on many unanswered doors and was told kids had other plans. We eventually ended up with 9. We've had as many as 17 at once. I really wanted them to be here to say goodbye. That was my projection.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">One dad asked if I'd stop by and pick up a pizza for his wife. "No, David," I replied not very graciously. "After I drop your boys off at the school, I need to head up to Oakbrook for kids, run back and run the program." Little Caesar's is a five minute walk for him.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">During our session, I pretended not to hear one of the girls say she and her friend needed a ride that night. She aimed it at me.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was feeling under appreciated until I ran across the poster and those words that helped me see they are as appropriate now as then. Thank you, Spirit!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I handle times of transition?</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• Can I find reflective moments within those times?</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• Can I find Spirit in the bittersweet space?</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• When has Spirit provided something I desperately needed?</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How did I express my gratitude?</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>just because I</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>have spent time</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>transitioning,</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>I expected the</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>kids to want</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>that as well</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>to recognize that</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>this special</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>thing we've</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>been a part of</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>was changing</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>but, they're</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>just kids</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>struggling</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>in their</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>families</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>and to</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>survive</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>hardness</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>instead,</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>God sent</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>me a special</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>message,</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>whispered</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>years ago</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>yet in the</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>hearts of</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>those I serve</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>helping replace</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>my question of</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>"Have I been</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>successful" with</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>"Have I been</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>faithful?</b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-52665291371842413672015-05-05T09:34:00.001-07:002015-05-05T09:34:37.524-07:00Losing the path of shoulds<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">T</span>he last of four workshops aimed at creative entrepreneurs ended yesterday. I discovered the series serendipitously, signing up last-minute. Something spoke to me. Possibly that as I sort and move my studio, I am sorting myself. Clearly, I see this as a period of endings, beginnings and re-shaping.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">Branding expert Darla Kirchner suggested several times that we name or hone our mission, define our ideal client, look at our target audience and ways to connect. And then she dove in deep to collaborating live, virtually and via social media. She really de-mystified it for me. Much of her charm is that she has learned this the old-fashioned way: by doing it herself.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iPEsjZPE93ot94NObEd8Vf5H8XMN6tvp4M3t0cs4l4DM2v1T6Mgdqrom6h_2_j_y7xk7szRtBZvaF5_0avyuyCiULcgwam4Tjflxc9V8PJfENltwiF8kuzkSR2HDGyrenMKmSndYm2O4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2015-05-05+at+10.06.46+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iPEsjZPE93ot94NObEd8Vf5H8XMN6tvp4M3t0cs4l4DM2v1T6Mgdqrom6h_2_j_y7xk7szRtBZvaF5_0avyuyCiULcgwam4Tjflxc9V8PJfENltwiF8kuzkSR2HDGyrenMKmSndYm2O4/s400/Screen+Shot+2015-05-05+at+10.06.46+AM.png" height="265" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">©Tad Barney photograph/<a href="http://www.tadbarney.com/">www.tadbarney.com</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">While I have been exploring my business, I have also been probing myself. It has become quite apparent that before I can connect, I really to need to know who I am in this moment and where I intend to head. When I showed Darla my crazy map of all the projects I have in the works, she said "Pick one – the one that's in your heart."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">So, after the last workshop, I took my notebook, map and computer and plunked down outside with an iced coffee to do just that.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">A rather large grant, due next week, has been hanging over my head. I am discerning if I really want to<i> do</i> the project attached to the grant or am only doing it because it can draw funding. I really have been attempting to distance myself from what seems projected on me (by myself and others) and listening to my heart. That's not so easy in normal, everyday, busy life.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">In the past, when I felt this way, I scheduled a retreat in a quiet, safe place. Those have always been so productive. I don't feel the urge right now. I am supposed to do this work in the here and now, in my normal, busy, everyday life. Somehow, organizing, packing and pitching is meditative and offering a shift in perspective. As If I can take the longer view.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">A recent re-birthing with my shaman is very much a part of this. I have released the anxiety of not knowing what's next and giving myself the space to be prayerful and discern my path through Spirit. I have many pieces, but no clear picture of how they fit. The workshop has been a tool to help me piece them together; especially Darla's advice to look deep within.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">I read Richard Rohr's meditation today about the Desert Mothers and Fathers and their apart-ness that allowed them to live in solitude and silence. Rohr writes:</span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>"They recognized that they had to find inner freedom from the system before they could return to it with true love, wisdom, and helpfulness."</i></span></span></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">How true is that? Very, I believe. I am tasked with locating that inner freedom while living alongside the system, much like being in the world and not of it. I have never really understood how to do that, until now. Making peace with the word, for me, is necessary. Unwounding myself, such as in the rebirth process, is key. Through all of this, I have been painfully aware that I am confronting my real self. Rohr spoke to that today:</span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>"Solitude is a courageous encounter with our naked, most raw and real self, in the presence of pure love."</i></span></span></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Barely a handful of very precious times, Spirit has let me see myself through her eyes. I traveled there again during my re-birthing. In a flash, I experienced myself at birth, my daughters and a car accident I have let over-define who I am. I learned that I am filled with light, as are my daughters and all children of God. Also that the accident changed my path, my course in life and I should be joyful, not angry.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">I am joyful that I am privileged to live out of the mainstream, yet alongside it. I am grateful to Darla for showing me how to look into my heart in a practical way to allow me to be more of how I am and show more of that light-filled self to the world.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">I am ok living in the cloud of unknowing.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>• When have I disassembled myself?</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>• What were the results?</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>• What helpers surfaced?</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>• How can I live apart from the world?</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>• What spiritual practices support me?</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>I've been</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>following</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>the path of</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>shoulds</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>as if I</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>were</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>someone</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>else</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>living</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>by a code</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>that has</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>never</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>fit me</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>attempting</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>to measure</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>up, while</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>eroding</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>my real</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>self</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>when I let</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>the heart lead,</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>instead of the</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>brain,</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>I get back</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>on course</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>toward</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i>Spirit</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Listen to this post:</span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-32998879835167845382015-05-01T12:02:00.000-07:002015-05-01T12:02:28.694-07:00Life is a gift<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">M</span>y oldest, 17-and-a-half, finally obtained her driver's license yesterday. She wanted no fanfare because of being embarrassed about how long it had taken her. No Facebook posts and, maybe, she would be bothered by this. She passed with only two points off and a lot of beforehand grief on her part.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We had a very sweet and honest conversation on the way to the exam station. I hadn't prodded her much for information on why she delayed, I know she does things in her own time and for her own reasons. She was a 29-hour birth delivery.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And I have really been pondering what that 29 hours must have been like for her after recently confronting my violent birthing process and re-doing it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In the car on the way to the driving exam, my daughter grew very anxious, her cheeks flushed. "Mom," she confessed, "I hate when this happens. I have performance anxiety, even in band. I make myself crazy."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdajIatLtcB43MPWd-0MsKc4IKnMfh2Jij-aDqcXjGybMn3v-jal6zlCdPoUXLD2-mV4Yul8INzV24_egwQDNb1cYTIWIl1qOyukLvZ7fq5r7a88GBA84fI8tT1MEzR_6njxMEbZrtMCqP/s1600/keys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdajIatLtcB43MPWd-0MsKc4IKnMfh2Jij-aDqcXjGybMn3v-jal6zlCdPoUXLD2-mV4Yul8INzV24_egwQDNb1cYTIWIl1qOyukLvZ7fq5r7a88GBA84fI8tT1MEzR_6njxMEbZrtMCqP/s1600/keys.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She was asking me for help. We talked about deep breathing and looking at the benefit she will gain afterward. I insisted that she NOT beat herself up, but I know how the self works in moments like these. When she was little and become anxious, I soothed her with Rescue Remedy, Bach flower homeopathic drops recommended by a friend. They seemed to work. I hadn't even thought – in the busyness of my day – to tote them along this time. I had not realized that she still struggled.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It breaks my heart. And leads me to wonder how much she struggled and became anxious during her birthing process: being forced into labor by drugs when she wasn't ready. Almost 11 days late and with no amniotic fluid, the doc said we couldn't risk waiting any longer. Like me and many of us, she was forced out. Perhaps not with forceps, but with drugs.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"What happens to the mother, happens to the child," my shaman had told me last week. Just how did this baby experience the drugs. Did they make her anxious?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That state, she confided, is why she had waited so long to take her test. I had no idea and guessed it was more her perfectionist tendencies. "No. Mom. I let those go. I was avoiding getting worked up."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I centered and remained calm, working with her to breathe and reminding her how we automatically go into shallow breathing when we feel stressed. That the long, deep breath is cleansing and a signal to the brain and body to relax.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She settled some, but the delay in her appointment, I knew, stirred the anxiousness. And then, it was her turn. I laid my hand on her knee as the tester emerged from the previous nervous teen and tried to send her calming energy. And then she was gone. Off on her own, doing big, grown-up things over which I had no control. For a split second, I could have fallen apart and into her anxiety, but I chose to ask Spirit in and hold her as close as possible. "Just be with her and let her feel you."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We had talked about prayer in times of distress and she revealed that she had pursued that path. I was grateful. And I knew, right now, God was with her – no matter what. Then I could let go.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Apparently she did, too, and came in with a grin. "It was so much easier than I thought;" almost the same words she used after her temporary-driving permit book test.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As Jesus said "...with God all things are possible."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• When have I witnessed or experienced the grip of anxiety?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How do I deal with stress?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How do I help others deal with stress?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How do things change when I invite God in?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How have I learned that with God all things are possible?</span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">over ripe</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">by medical</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">standards</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">she wasn't</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">quite ready</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">to enter</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">this world</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I wasn't</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">either</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">yet have</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">learned</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>I am</i> meant</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">to be here, </span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">now</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Spirit</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">planted</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">me</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">as she</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">planted</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my daughter</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in the</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">here and</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">now</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">teaching</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">life is</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">a gift</span></b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-33738673127397364542015-04-28T10:05:00.002-07:002015-04-28T10:05:52.643-07:00A conscious birth<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">E</span>arth day was a fabulous [re]birthday that not even I had planned.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Grateful for a slower pace on Wednesday, I made my way to my monthly shamanic-counseling appointment. It wasn't until I crept in my quiet Prius down the long, leaf-cloaked lane and into the path that circles the house and spied an extra car that I realized I was two hours too early. Forgot to check my calendar.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">No worries, I'll just head to the nearby library and spend some time reflecting on what I desire from this session. I untucked my laptop, logged in and searched spiritual companionship. I have felt in desperate need of some. I landed on a page about developing a partnership of trust and I realized I already possess that relationship with my shaman.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And, then I began to think that even if I don't have <i>one</i>, constant spiritual companion, I have many. That revelation was reassuring and reminded me of the idea of looking for the helpers at given times in life. Fred Roger's learned that tip from his mother:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, m mother would say to me 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'" </span></i></blockquote>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have been looking for helpers in pointing me in the right direction, so I continued scouring the website. Reading deeper, my breath left for a moment learning about a process that will reset your body's cells on a primal and transformative level, erasing patterns of illness. YEP, that's what I was looking for ahead of my appointment.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Three times in recent months, wise people have suggested I look at childhood trauma and its connection with my fibromyalgia. I couldn't locate any until I went all the way back ... to birth.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I always knew this was me/pastel and paint on paper</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I returned to my shaman peaceful and focused on undertaking a rebirthing process. He was delighted to accommodate me and was open for whatever would transpire. We talked a bit about how our birth circumstances cast a shadow our entire life. I told him that all my mother remembers is being knocked out and that I came head first, my sister, feet first five minutes later. I was lovingly teased as a child that I was really red and had a pointed head after birth. It wasn't easy being the first out and, likely, assisted by forceps. I always told my sister she kicked me out to make sure it was safe.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My shaman helped me understand that whatever happens to the mother happens to the child and with my mother unconscious, I was as well and that's the state I return to during transitions. He confirmed this with his own birth story.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am definitely in transition, moving a studio, re-evaluating my path and living in the cloud of unknowing for the moment. I want to be clear and aware, not asleep. I want to consciously choose what's next by listening to Spirit.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">On the massage table, I rebirthed myself in a rhythmic, gentle and intentioned way guided by my spiritual companion. He asked me to hold out my arms (my eyes were closed through the process, probably a nod to my unconscious birth) and accept the baby. As I did, a flood of memories of my birth, those of my daughters and the accident that set off the fibromyalgia opened, followed by effusive light and a sense of empowerment not unlike when I feel unconscious. There's a distinct, but very thin line.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Almost a week later, I am letting that experience settle down into my core and re-arrange my cells. My awareness has been shifted and I am not anxious about my current state of unknowing because I know Spirit is with me – always. I know it in every cell now, thanks to this rebirthing.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This transition as a matter of choice is more clear. Taking contemplative time to sort it out is my path.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Saturday, my daughters and I ventured out in the wicked, torrential rain to shop at Ikea and gorge on their coffee and real cream. I almost asked my 17-year-old to drive, but decided she wasn't experienced enough in heavy rain on the highway. Traffic was moving pretty quickly when, oddly, the sun broke through in patchy places, actually decreasing visibility. As I began to exit for another highway, I noticed cars crumpling like toys one into another. I instantly knew not to head in that direction and forced the car out into traffic with no opportunity to look. I employed the brakes and came to a stop. Not one car was anywhere near us. I let out a sigh and don't really remember getting to Ikea, though it was safely. My youngest felt sick after seeing cars pile into each other, My oldest emerged with a bear hug and a "Mom, I wouldn't have known what to do."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I sent them off to shop, while I recovered with a coffee. I was steady and not unnerved. I began to wonder if others were hurt, so decided to check online. I found no notice of the accident, but a news story about a fatal shooting the night before. One block from where we had been about the same time.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">THANK YOU, God, I silently screamed ... for keeping us safe and letting me know clearly that I am still here because that's what you want. The earlier message I'd receives "not to jump into anything" had become "not to jump into anything ELSE" but God's arms.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I sit here still stunned by the string of incidents, grateful and wondering if by experiencing the pain I have tried to escape all these years simply means I am fully awake. Not unconscious.</span><br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• What's my birth story?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Can I see its impact or patterns in my life?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How could I create opportunity for rebirth?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Where do I find the comfort and understanding of spiritual companions?</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• When have I felt full awake?</span></i><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">weeks melting into</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">months, morphing</span></b><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">trying to</span></b><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">wake up</span></b><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have put</span></b><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">life is a</span></b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-32465066111901697202015-04-24T10:03:00.000-07:002015-04-24T10:17:45.899-07:00Just follow<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">T</span>hree years ago to the month, I was dreaming, slowly unpacking and savoring my new, light-filled studio in a former classroom. It had taken me six years to get here and since the first inner promptings of Spirit initiated this adventure.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That six years seemed like forever. And the three since have vanished too quickly. However, I can count the many blessing in between:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• The luxury of space and quiet to listen to God regularly.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Using that gift to create an arts exploration for then unknown children, though Jordan, Alivia and Jihad had infiltrated my heart and were the target to which I was drawing closer. I had met them as an art-room volunteer and they melted my heart and planted the seed for a program, where other kids from their complex could shine.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Having an empty classroom as a blank canvas in which to create a sacred studio.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Actually hosting Artsy Fartsy here initially with six girls and now with 21 on the roster, including boys.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Dreaming up a series of classes or single, creative workshops and having the perfect space to pull them off.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Finding a place to hold all of my ministry.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Being at the heart of the community and my neighborhood.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Sharing in the patina of wonderful things that have happened here since 1912.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Making art here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Writing blogs and books here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Sharing this section with other artists, including my husband.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Feeling community.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Always knowing my stay was tenuous, but planting roots anyway.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Inviting others here to find a way to save this building.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Knowing I have been faithful.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have come to realize that what I believed to be impatient waiting for the next step has actually been grief named by two wise ministers. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have known this place with the young-adult loss of my best friend, a miscarriage and the passing of in-laws, grandparents, beloved aunts and uncles, even family pets. I had not equated it to a space or my work. I have come and gone from many jobs over the years, but never mourned them quite like this. This wasn't a job, it was ministry and emanated from my heart.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpAl8l0jAZ2SwH1K8wH7fAX_pI9vRmYFBRIa0GXXY1F3tiVlmgtLdzX5pNUUN4H8RfLEqNQvakyyZIifpnM-Y0W__3k0yyaDAlKKB5WgYRhvVAkE4d0twxINEV9ynF-8SbNTaHMZU3FbDM/s1600/began.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpAl8l0jAZ2SwH1K8wH7fAX_pI9vRmYFBRIa0GXXY1F3tiVlmgtLdzX5pNUUN4H8RfLEqNQvakyyZIifpnM-Y0W__3k0yyaDAlKKB5WgYRhvVAkE4d0twxINEV9ynF-8SbNTaHMZU3FbDM/s1600/began.jpg" height="182" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How it began</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With this new insight, I spent yesterday relishing being in the quiet space and carefully packing what can go to storage. It wasn't a chore, but a ritual. Packing away the wonderful presence of Spirit here that has witnessed and facilitated so much transformation in me, the kids and others here to volunteer or participate in a workshop or class.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Room 102, a former math room, is totally infused with God and it will remain even if the last brick is yanked out.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygZLB48zZoaL90Wx71SW-PFlsnJP8GxEz-N-l_FVKThBHeaq2Mi-chUOwUrlU4hKnzX-tneRHTK5GzBV7fK9dLIpDPfJ3-rqXI-vBD8vUBeXXRzuEIEv8X1vApkSUpe7_TRfPhzDxKotC/s1600/end.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygZLB48zZoaL90Wx71SW-PFlsnJP8GxEz-N-l_FVKThBHeaq2Mi-chUOwUrlU4hKnzX-tneRHTK5GzBV7fK9dLIpDPfJ3-rqXI-vBD8vUBeXXRzuEIEv8X1vApkSUpe7_TRfPhzDxKotC/s1600/end.jpg" height="251" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Where it is ending</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Yesterday, I was sad and the ritual helped. That is one important lesson I learned working for a casket company. Rituals are there for the times, like grief, when we don't know what to do and we must do something. Rituals are comforting and offer meaning. Even my own, by myself.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Writing this blog seems part of the letting-go ritual. I am savoring this task more than normal, not skipping through to get it finished, edited, recorded and posted. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I sense God between the words, on the keyboard, in my heart and head. She knows this is a bittersweet time. Yet, today, I am growing more toward deep, quiet joy, calm and peace as I move from one known thing into one unknown – at the direction of Spirit.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My prayer two days ago was for spiritual companionship and I received it abundantly. I also asked for simplicity (taking the time to pack) and abundance (the richness of companionship and empathy from so many).</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I don't know where I am going. And, today, that's just fine.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">An hour ago I was speaking with one of my current spiritual companions. His church has promised me space to do Artsy Fartsy. That may be the simplicity that I am seeking. Just knowing they are there, supportive and available makes all of the difference.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So does what my pastoral counselor told me Wednesday. He looked me dead in the eye and said: "You have made a difference ... in the lives of those kids. Whether or not you continue, their live shave been changed for the better."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As has mine.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• When have I found ritual a comfort?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How have I learned to surrender to Spirit?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• What practices, companions or experience help me trust?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• When can I walk one step at a time?</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>the cool, soothing</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>air drifts in the</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>open window</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>for the first time</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>this season</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>as if a finger</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>unfurling</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>calls me</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>out into</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>the unknown</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>suggesting</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>it is time</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>to move on</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>God has</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>another plan</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>just</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>follow</b></span><br />
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<br />Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-13980740850176932992015-04-21T09:19:00.001-07:002015-05-04T15:07:07.516-07:00Losing sight of wholeness<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"I</span> have a wonderful [business] partnership, so much so that when my partner was way too busy and couldn't say no, I told her we should cancel. That we weren't in the right place. She was grateful."</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When I related that information Monday at the second in a series of workshops I am taking on collaboration in the arts, I added "You know, had this been in the corporate world, we would have had to move on no matter what. No breaks for family life or time-outs when needed," I confessed to Darla, our daring facilitator.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"That's why you are an entrepreneur," she gently tossed back at me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That's the second time in two weeks she has given me an essential truth I needed to hear and in the right moment when I could listen. Last week, she said she had to let her perfectionist tendencies go and just get things done the best she could. Of all the marvelous things she said and reminded me of, this was crucial and it just sort of slipped out. I am not sure it was in her notes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So, according to Darla wisdom, I chose to be an entrepreneur to control my schedule and I can curb my perfectionism and the world won't fall apart.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Before Monday, I hadn't considered what I am doing as either entrepreneurial or a choice. That insight is causing a shift in me. A BIG one. Perhaps from listlessness and either accepting what comes along or taking it all on to understand this is a choice, a positive one and not a sentence.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have also heard the term artpreneur. That seems very much in line with where I am these days. Whether writing and planning to publish, making art, leading creative workshops, grant writing and working with low-income kids, I AM my own boss. I tend to lose sight of that in all of the busyness and far-flung projects.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk5NK23-kM0CSjy6NFBG-LCAJMgmhdcteYR160nmnbII1u4UcqNA-gCfyTz42MPwS2499CU7PQR9hIl1cqXv_Lq-670FgCOM0g5-zT9ZptmBE0BDhQ2OyuIzGNocoMZz9eCVM8khTTo1UB/s1600/map.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk5NK23-kM0CSjy6NFBG-LCAJMgmhdcteYR160nmnbII1u4UcqNA-gCfyTz42MPwS2499CU7PQR9hIl1cqXv_Lq-670FgCOM0g5-zT9ZptmBE0BDhQ2OyuIzGNocoMZz9eCVM8khTTo1UB/s1600/map.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As a result of these workshops, I drew out all the things I am doing -- ALL five -- and trying to see similarities and places to simplify. I did this last fall, yet things have shifted majorly.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Artsy Fartsy Saturdays</u>: serves a very specific population and geographic location, has grown and successfully attracted grants. However, I need a new home by June 1, must assemble a board to help me apply for my own non-profit status and continue to seek funding. Not so simple: new home, new board, new status, more funding solicitation. I have also initiated a book I'd like to write online as a fundraiser about the experience of launching this incredible program.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Art Truck:</u> This concept popped into my head several months ago when I was meeting with a very energetic, get-things-done photography teacher with a big heart. She will be on my board if/when that happens. Didn't even hesitate when I asked. It was an after thought in a conversation about finding a new location. For a few, brief moments, a larger arts business was interested, but decided they had too many initiatives. Then I applied for a new grant for individuals. Yesterday, I heard I was not one of those selected. The week before, I heard from ArtsWave that my video request had been advanced to the next round and another large application, but for bigger money than I have ever sought. I adore this idea of taking art directly to those who don't have access, plus doing some fun gigs in-between. Adding a vehicle, new venue and drumming up support through social media is a whole, other venture. What if I am too busy? I asked my husband, then realized the ridiculousness. I am less afraid of failing than getting too busy.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Salon for the Sou</u>l: The blog I have faithfully been writing weekly, sometimes twice a week, for five years. I want to continue and create a devotional from the many entires. That means culling the 500-plus posts, re-writing and paring down and publishing in some form. And building a larger audience. In reality, the groundwork is in place. Maybe not too unsimple.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Turtlebox Stories & Studio</u>: Essentially my physical space and the playful, nurture workshops/retreats I have conducted, which all stem from my first journals and the book I created from them. It's been resting while I taught it. Now the teaching has been resting. I would REALLY love to travel with these workshops and retreats. Someday will be the right time for the book.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><u>Pain as Spiritual Teacher</u>: A chapter from the Turtlebox book that jumped out at me as something wonderful in a workshop format as did the perfect partner, my first yoga teacher, Renee, who also lives with chronic pain. We spent a year doing small, intro sessions, 4-hour workshops and, finally, a stint at the wildly popular Victory of Light Psychic Festival. We had a good, receptive crowd, but got so caught up in what we were doing, we forgot to ask people to sign our e-mail list. We planned a February workshop, but canceled after our festival faux pas and busyness in our lives. Interesting that our Facebook page continues to be active, I think we need to write an article or book together and focus on this rather, specific and hungry audience.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I always joke that I have branding issues and that was my struggle yesterday. How do these all fit under one umbrella ... interesting choice of words as I am looking for a financial umbrella for Artsy Fartsy. Of course, the common thread is me, that these are mission/heart driven and creatively address the spiritual on some level. My map showed me that Artsy Fartsy really is the kid side of Turtlebox; that Salon for the Soul is my vital attempt at community; that Pain as Spiritual teacher is the deep, helping-others-heal work I do with the perfect partner; and, maybe, just maybe, the Art Truck is too much. It can go anywhere to anyone and could be the vehicle, pun intended, for what I take on the road.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When I look at my map, I see that Darla is exactly right. I have created all of these and that makes me an entrepreneur. Then, when I apply her next keen observation about perfectionism, I wonder what can go, be put on hold or rest awhile. Of course, I want to do it all NOW. That's not been working so well. Too many balls to juggle.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What is the simple path forward? The one that is joyful, Spirit-infused and abundant?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• When have I had too much on my plate?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How did I discern or decide what stayed and what was cast aside?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I seek Spirit in these matters?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How patient am I when I am called to wait for an answer?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I make the most of and enjoy the discernment-and-waiting process?</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>I always want</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>things PERfect</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>to go off without</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>a hitch and be,</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><i>exactly</i>, the way</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>I envisioned,</b></span><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>flawless</b></span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>rarely does</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>that happen</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>and then I</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><i>crucify</i> myself</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>but then I have</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>lost sight of</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>what perfection</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>means</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>wholeness</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Visit Darla Kirchner @ <a href="http://www.cbizschool.com/">http://www.cbizschool.com</a>; attend the Creative Biz School series the next two Mondays @ <a href="http://www.the-arts-alliance.org/">www.the-arts-alliance.org</a></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Listen to this post:</span></span></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></b></span></span></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-38182017478294167122015-04-17T10:36:00.002-07:002015-04-17T10:36:49.044-07:00She was back<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Wednesday afternoon I had a date. A date with my mom to go grocery shopping. Not very glamorous.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She's been struggling with cooking as she recovers from a fall and rod inserted from her hip to knee. Generously her church, friends, neighbors and two clubs to which she belongs have been keeping my parents well stocked with food. But the meal train (yes, there is a scheduling website by that name) ends next week.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And she wants to be independent, so I suggested we create a list and shop. Her diet is complicated. I was looking forward to quality time and getting the chance to discover who she is these days after a surgery and two months away.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In recent years, we have discussed that I am her mother and she is Lily – or that we share the other's characteristics. I am quiet and sensitive much like her mother and she is feisty and independent like my youngest. This knowledge helps me understand my daughter and our relationship better and the same for my mother and our complex connection. I think there is no relationship more complicated than mother and daughter. PERIOD.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjS2OFSIlmugYYXZ3rfP3IygXpKaaISVpeICdiG3KPt2EqBXyXdo2ExQzIClls8OcMDMsrfSs4AB5vlc0d1wJQvbb2XdXzYcJKdP86bfipk20XpyYJdqWBSHNK5jnYEZsDZixLx4h8TPDm/s1600/clock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjS2OFSIlmugYYXZ3rfP3IygXpKaaISVpeICdiG3KPt2EqBXyXdo2ExQzIClls8OcMDMsrfSs4AB5vlc0d1wJQvbb2XdXzYcJKdP86bfipk20XpyYJdqWBSHNK5jnYEZsDZixLx4h8TPDm/s1600/clock.jpg" height="200" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I left my studio Wednesday afternoon in enough time to drop by the house and say hello to my daughters. Oddly, no one was home, so I texted my husband, who said the girls had walked to McDonald's for a snack and to do their homework. The proximity and free WIFI make it a convenient choice. I swung by and got roped into buying food for my youngest. She's perennially hungry. My oldest was fighting with a slow internet connection to finish a paper. I said I had to leave in 10 minutes to get Mimi (their name for my mom) and take her shopping. They were so engrossed that I felt invisible and mute. Once again, I announced that I had to leave if they wanted a ride. No response, so I waited in the parking lot, texted with no success and left to collect my mother. It was not the way I would have wanted to leave. Things unfinished. Unsaid. Teenagers.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When I arrived at mom's, she was tucked in to her back bedroom watching a movie, waiting. Took awhile to gather her jacket, walker, purse and grocery list and slowly exit from the treacherous garage step and into my Prius. Thankfully, it sits low to the ground and she had no trouble swinging her bad leg into position and getting comfortable. I had anticipated an ordeal. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My dad handed me their handicap-parking permit, which enabled us to park much closer. My mother insisted on walking, not being dropped off. It was interesting to see how people responded to her slowness. Generally, they were kind, except those in cars in a hurry.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We picked out a motorized cart with the gentle help of a store employee. Can I just say I LOVE the people at my local Kroger's? They alway go the extra mile, like the time I experienced a pain meltdown in the frozen-foods aisle when I came for one thing, skipped the basket and buckled under the weight of one-too-many items. A cheery face offered help, left, then quickly returned with a cart. I made sure to tell her manager.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Mom had a blast driving the cart and did really well, which surprised me since she can't drive anymore ... she lost her peripheral vision in a surgery, we think. I reminded her not to nip my heels like Lily always does with the cart. She didn't.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We both had lists. She penned one and I jotted down some things I thought would be easy. They were very similar. We began scanning the aisles and conferring on choices, getting that list under control. It was a very fruitful two hours and I was able to witness how much better my mom is than I had expected. When I couldn't remember that last thing on the list, she did, immediately.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I might have been prepared for this nice surprise if I had paid more attention to what a physical therapist had said in the hospital a few day earlier. A severe episode of vertigo kept here there four days. The PT marveled at her ability to maneuver given her recent surgery. She is religious in completing her strengthening exercises.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And the way she whipped around the store in that cart. Yes, Lily is HER granddaughter. Completely. And my mom is herself.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I handle those I love age?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How do I handle my own aging?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• Have I learned to ask for help?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• Can I befriend this part of life?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>• How does it draw me closer to Spirit?</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>frail, I feared</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>walker, slow steps</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>and all</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>faded memory and</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>a somber duty</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>INSTEAD</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>the moving</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>cart became like</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>a new toy to</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>be tested and tried</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>and she passed</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>with flying colors</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>the memory had</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>thrown off the</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>anesthesia hangover</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>and she was</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>BACK</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><br />
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-4024172274426617062015-04-14T13:53:00.001-07:002015-04-15T17:34:56.743-07:00Places Spirit runs deepest<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">D</span>idn't I just write about roller coasters last post? Well, here I am on one <i>again</i>. I want off.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">After my hopes for a job were dashed last week, I received an e-mail this week saying I qualified for the final round of a rather robust grant. BIG news, yet also BIG work. And, I have a BIG weekend with two major kids' arts events that I lead.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Did I mention my back is also acting up?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You know, I did get a day off, Thursday, in a strange, unplanned and not-necessarily welcomed manner. I got to catch up with old friends. Friends from my first working days as a full-fledged reporter fresh from college. Friends who knew me when and care for me no matter what.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Only easy-to-find photo of my early newspaper days [with Tad]</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ronda and I bonded easily when I arrived in the newsroom. She worked for another paper in the chain and traveled between offices. She was always easy, generous and funny. Her laugh, infectious. She showed me the ins and outs of local bars around Dayton, especially her favorite, The White Rabbit. It was just a strip-mall bar, but with Ronda there, it seemed magical.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She was nearing her first-year anniversary and making vacation plans. I told her I'd love to go to Florida, but I wasn't due for another few months. She waited.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSi5iZCH4YzSmsqHvisV2gFDhP8bbncqofu29R_KtiwufYtqsXz76_ODnHSltheyz1bybr5PdEUbBPNArzm4yWIB_SFf_0STsw903K9CEaupMA9tvPQZhQF1BgdNCt41x18QY6orfKET0d/s1600/withbo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSi5iZCH4YzSmsqHvisV2gFDhP8bbncqofu29R_KtiwufYtqsXz76_ODnHSltheyz1bybr5PdEUbBPNArzm4yWIB_SFf_0STsw903K9CEaupMA9tvPQZhQF1BgdNCt41x18QY6orfKET0d/s1600/withbo.jpg" height="177" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ronda, me, Jean and Mary at a newspaper reunion</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We took one of our grey Chevettes, though I don't remember which one. Maybe mine. Black vinyl and no AC. That's what was affordable to a moneyless, new graduate. And it got us to Daytona Beach. Our first stop was somewhere in the mountains of Virginia. I am not sure. I wasn't much of a navigator back then, but Ronda taught me all about reading maps. Before being hired as a reporter/photographer, she took baby pictures at department stores. She knew how to get around and ask for what she needed. We pulled into a small motel and, after settling in, discovered our TV didn't work. Ronda went to the manager and sweet talked him into bringing us his from his house! I learned a ton on that trip, such as:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">– Betting on a dog called flea-bite because we were so chewed, winning and taking ourselves to a posh dinner in a French restaurant owned by Hugo of Marseilles.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">– Learning to make hobo stew of hamburger and vegetables in foil cooked over a grill on the beach.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">– Throwing caution to the wind and heading to the world's fair on the way home sans a reservation and sleeping in the back of the Chevette in a camp ground. One of our air mattresses went flat in the night.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">– Lucking into buying someone's ticket stubs to get into the fair in Knoxville, TN. Still not sure why it was<i> there</i>.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We have so many memories of weekends, other trips, meeting between her home in Toronto and mine in Cincinnati with our spouses and kids.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The reason I was able to see Ronda this week is because her father died. There's no way I wouldn't go to the funeral, north of Dayton. I arrived at the visitation in enough time to use the restroom and, when I returned, another reporter friend (one I have known since college, who also happened to work with me and Ronda) had just arrived. Ronda couldn't believe we had both come to attend the service.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Because Jean only lives a half-hour away, we are in touch more frequently. When my mother was recovering in rehab after an extensive heart surgery, she visited numerous times to give her healing-touch therapy. That's just the kind of soul Jean is.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We agreed to go to the cemetery, then the reception. I was the last in the car assemblage and lost my way to the American Legion. Somehow, I thought I heard VFW and, when Siri directed me there, found an empty parking lot. Even the funeral home couldn't tell me where to go. Fortunately, I had Jean's cell in my contacts.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was grateful to find a full parking lot this time, entered and noticed a gathering around the bar. There was Ronda's husband, the lovable Canadian for whom she had left us and the States. He offered to buy me a beer, then we laughed at how cheap, $1.25, it was. "Heck this would be $5 at home." As we shared some conversation, Jean called to see where I was. "On the other side having a beer with Bub." She led me to the reception and a nice spread.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It was really good to touch based with these wonderful, longtime friends, even in their grief. I loved reconnecting with Ronda's family and her high school friends, who also felt like family. These are wonderful, good, honest people. Just like Ronda's dad. Nothing fancy, but real and full of tremendous love for his wife and three daughters. That was so apparent in their tears and grief. Ronda's mother has never lived alone, so the girls quickly drew up a plan where she lives with each of the three for several months the first year before she has to make any decisions.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For several minutes during the visitation, I held a three-month old. Good as gold though she was teething. She's the granddaughter of one of Ronda's longtime school friends. It was so healing to hold this sweet creature in the shadow of death and the open casket. I was stirred at the cemetery, before the skies opened with more tears, as the lone Marine trumpeter wailed taps through his instrument.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was out all day, living an honest, hard truth among friends and grief. My prayers and blessings are with this family as they move forward without their beloved father and husband and I am grateful to have witnessed such love, grief and grounding. These are genuine people who don't stumble over what matters most in life.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• When do I feel life is a roller coaster?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How do I get off?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• When was a time it happened serendipitously?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Who teaches me about love and being grounded?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• What lessons are there in grief?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">reeling from</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">ridiculous</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">self-made</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">complications</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was called</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">away, out</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">to real</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">living</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the stuff</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">that matters:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">life, death,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">love, grief,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">family</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and friendship</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the places</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Spirit</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">runs deepest</span><br />
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<br />Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4502117548618350329.post-15758362768407581402015-04-07T09:27:00.003-07:002015-04-07T09:48:11.069-07:00Something I never needed<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">L</span>ast session, I told my shamanic counselor that I wanted off the roller coaster. He responded that I had been on one all the time, 17 years, that he had known me. <i>That's because you didn't know me before kids or fibromyalgia</i>, I replied.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Well, I got lurched again last week by a job rejection that I cared about more than I had realized. Everything sounded so perfect and it would have tied up so many loose ends. I want a simpler, more abundant life and this seemed like the ticket.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am also smarting from a friend's offer to put in a good word for me that never materialized; it may have made a difference.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I want to know why God didn't want me to have that job. How did I miss the mark? Was I aiming too low? This was a mid-level position at the salary I started at 20 years ago. Less stress, I hoped. Would I have had the flexibility to manage my fibromyalgia? Would I have come home as exhausted as I had after three hours from the second interview? My spiritual director says to look where the energy is. There was none when I left that interview.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fortunately, two days after I received the voice mail saying they were going with "another finalist," I had planned an overnight college-visit and trip with my 17-year-old. "Maybe they just liked someone else better," she had said after the bad news. On the drive, she probed deeper, asking why I wanted that job. "Is that what you really want to do?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Well, no," I confided. "I really want to be a successful writer, do workshops and creative nurture," I continued. <i>But that's hardly possible</i> my inner critic shouted.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I had gotten that far in another round of interviews for a job I knew wasn't right, when the interviewer said: "You're a good writer. A really good writer."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I seem to need that external affirmation. I am tired of working in isolation, though writing really isn't a team sport. The response to my daughter's question is one of the few times I have verbally articulated my dream. Is this where Spirit is pushing?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Both my mother, sister-in-law, husband and close spiritual friend were more upset than I at the non job offer. It did feel like the world's rejection for awhile. I used to <i>always</i> get the job ... from newspaper ads to which hundreds responded. What's different now?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Of course all of this was transpiring during Lent and the Easter Season, the time of death and resurrection. I read a Max Lucado meditation on Silent Saturday, the day between Good Friday and Easter, when all of the action happens. Deep things happen in the silence, he'd written, between death and resurrection.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sitting in worship Sunday, I wondered what I was dying from. I had listened to a snippet of NPR's Fresh Air on the way over and an author was talking about Jewish pessimism, passed on by his parents, products of the Holocaust and Depression. Worry prepares you not to be disappointed, he'd said he learned, then unlearned. I remember reading that worry is a prayer for disaster. Can I let the negativity and worry in my life die, I wondered.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I opened the bulletin to the Centering Down section and was struck with the first passage</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">... the seed you sow does not come to life unless it has first died; and what you sow is not the body that shall be, but a bare grain, of wheat perhaps or something else; and God gives it the body of his choice, each seed its own particular body ... So it is with the resurrection of the dead: what is sown as a perishable thing is raised imperishable. Sown in humiliation, it is raised in glory, sown in weakness, it is raised in power; sown as a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body." 1 Corinthians 15:35</span></i></blockquote>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjce8jZT7cezvX-iJnuJfI98F46kniAIsls8OCTGs0bkbcdRkaDQQmkvh-YosLegHowv4s5ee0idUkhnw06Yj2LG3LcddZCAvOorphdnD1mSzuiQX6SGpBOONG1imkr38vwSiMKNy99NGBX/s1600/falling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjce8jZT7cezvX-iJnuJfI98F46kniAIsls8OCTGs0bkbcdRkaDQQmkvh-YosLegHowv4s5ee0idUkhnw06Yj2LG3LcddZCAvOorphdnD1mSzuiQX6SGpBOONG1imkr38vwSiMKNy99NGBX/s1600/falling.jpg" height="436" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Falling/pastel on paper</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sown in humiliation, sown in weakness ... that sounds like my current condition. I let all of that sink in and meandered to the place where I was about to die, where I was about to let go, when I was jolted back by the thoughts of leaving things unfinished. I do think something died there on Easter Sunday in that worship.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pretty soon, a Friend rose and talked about how the Egyptians had measured the weight of a dead person's heart to see how much remorse there had been and how, with Jesus, God taught that the physical body didn't matter in resurrection. She said a lot of other smart things, but what I really remember is her booming voice bellowing "all God want us to know is that he loves us. I love you." I heard God in her speaking to me. Broken and disappointed and struggling, God loves me. I so needed to hear that, really hear it from human lips.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Our minister ended her message quoting the Gnostic Gospel of Philip: "You must resurrect while in this life."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I do feel as if I am resurrecting, that something died and something else is birthing. That, perhaps, I can leave the worldly world and its lure of office jobs behind and move more into the spiritual world of trusting Spirit. My prayer is to trust in that process. To trust Spirit as my guide.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• When does my life seem like a roller coaster?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How do I examine its cause?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• What spiritual practices support me?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• How do I move more into the spiritual realm?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">• Can I resurrect while in this life?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">sinking in</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">is so</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">satisfying</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">letting the</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">layers melt</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and remembering</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">remembering</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">who I am</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my origin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my source</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and then I drift</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">almost as if</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">asleep</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">yet awake</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">deep</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">down inside</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I sink</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the lines blur</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and I am falling</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">into release</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">death</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">until I shudder</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and return</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">renewed and</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">missing</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">something</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I never </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">needed</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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Cathy Barneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17371655581401528831noreply@blogger.com0