Partner forever and always

This is part two of the talk I recently gave about Artsy Fatsy Saturdays as ministry during Quaker Quest at Cincinnati Friends Meeting. I shared part one last post.

...

In a different world, one in which I used to live, I would have the next five years of Artsy Fartsy planned. I don’t live in that world anymore. Ministry, this ministry, doesn’t work like that. I often wish that it did. However, when I look back and see where I have come, I understand that if Spirit had showed me where I’d be now, I never would have undertaken the journey. It would have been terrifying and overwhelming. I can only handle one step a time; Spirit’s wisdom.

I have funding and space through the end of this year and a boatload of kids clamoring to keep making art. When I knew I’d likely be losing my school space, a wise Quaker friend asked which came first, the school or the program. The program, I responded without hesitation. That gave me a clearer picture of my mission.

This has been a continuing journey of doing it my way, then standing back and letting God lead. For example, I assumed we’d fill all 16 slots the first year when we held an art day and registration. Eight signed up and six showed up the first session, all girls. And it was wonderful. We expanded more organically, adding kids as our reputation grew, parents began to trust and kids engaged more deeply. It’ still evolving and I spend a lot of time talking to new parents about the program. Funny, I have had a lot of kids and parents not so in need ask me about joining, and it just doesn’t have the same appeal for me. I want to work with the kids who need it most and have the least. That’s where my heart is.

I find that the Thursday afternoon before each session has become sacred as I make reminder calls to parents. I reserve a few hours because this is a time I get to really connect with parents, mention how their children have excelled, been creative or well behaved. I find they are starved to hear these things about their kids. And, I only tell them the truth. I also write each child a personal note every month, affirming them in some way, my way of seeing that of God in them, borrowing the phrase from Quaker founder George Fox, and helping them see it in themselves.

I seem to be constantly tested about whether I can surrender this program, which keeps my ego in check. My care committee also challenges me, asking if the program should change in any way. I try to be open to where I am being led.

Of course, there are days that I want to chuck it all. Like the one a few months ago when I learned a major funder had upped their grant three months and I’d had not way of knowing. I had a good cry and God moved me to ask Cincinnati Friends for more help, which they gladly offered. Some days I wish all I had to worry about was gathering the kids and making art. Those are often the days I run up to visit for some reason and become surrounded by all ages asking things like “Miss Cathy, when will I be old enough? Will Artsy Fartsy still be here next year when I get into fourth grade? Can my sister come? “ And I know there is energy to continue.

I have a vision for deepening this ministry to include: all of the mothers who could learn to relax and care for themselves through yoga; plant a community garden and teach families how to grow their own food, eat healthy and economically; get funding to build a community room laced with wifi and computers, etc.

And, if, for some reason, everything came to a crashing halt I would know I had followed my heart and could strip down to just being a good neighbor, perhaps just showing up, up there to make group art. Simply. No matter where this leads, I have been transformed. Just when I thought I was full, God stretched my heart a little bit more.

The words of John Woolman, an American Quaker born in 1720 who followed leadings at great danger and risk to travel among and befriend Native Americans and abolish slavery, have echoed in my heart during this ministry:

“Love was the first motion, and thence a concern arose to … understand their life and the spirit they live in.” [The Journal of John Woolman. Vol. I, Part 2]

• When I live by listening to Spirit, how does my world change?

• If God showed me everything at the beginning, convincing me to tag along, how would I react?

• When has God's way proven infinitely better than the one to which I affixed myself?          

• What's it like to live one day at a time, in the present?                                                              

• How do I know when I have followed my heart?

neither my work                                                                                                                           nor my life is orderly

life, especially in                                                                                                                                 the spirit, seems so                                                                                                                  messy, random and                                                                                                      challenging

I often don't                                                                                                                                    feel up to                                                                                                                                               it; too many                                                                                                                      roadblocks                                                                                                                                     and obstacles                                                                                                                                    in the path

I use so much                                                                                                                              energy                                                                                                                                              trying to clear                                                                                                                                  them all

when that's                                                                                                                                       NOT my job

I forget I                                                                                                                                             have a partner                                                                                                                            forever and                                                                                                                               always

Listen to this post:

Spirit at play ... all along

Judy, one of my cheerleaders and my daughters' unofficial Quaker Godparent, brought me to tears Sunday. I was lingering on the message concerning Quaker Bible study and a passage from John about love:

15 "If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever-- 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."  – John 14:15-21

As I often worship with my eyes closed, I hadn't noticed Judy readying to speak. She may have been standing. She may have been sitting. She has a beautifully lyrical and commanding voice. She could say just about anything and I would intently listen. She doesn't waste this gift on the trivial.

How I remember the Rev. Al Tomer at the Church of the Saviour

Somehow, magically, she wove the passage about John into a testament about a man largely responsible for me being where I was, at this Quaker Meeting. I won't even pretend to emulate her pure words, but she was speaking about a memorial service the day before for a retired and much-loved Methodist minister, who happened to take on Cincinnati Friends Meeting as an interim pastor for a year-and-a-half in 1998 and 1999. She, her husband and another Friend were surrounded in a sea of Methodists at the service and surprised by this humble person's renown in Methodist circles. Al Tomer emulated love and embodied God's love in human form, according to Judy's vocal ministry.

The tears began to roll. I came to Cincinnati Friends at the tail end of Al's tenure, lured by an 18-month-old who woke up one morning saying "Mommy, I know Jesus" and my mother recommending this Quaker Meeting because it was simple and, well, Al was there. The Rev. Al Tomer had been my minister during junior high and high school – and I actually listened to his sermons! Judy's words helped me recognize what a grounded fixture he was in my life and spirituality.

I was unprepared for what she said next, that Al was responsible for one of the Meeting's blessings: Cathy Barney and her family. I blushed and gushed with tears, reaching for the Kleenex box and being met with a hand on my shoulder. Two important personal revelations collided: that I had publicly been called a blessing (I struggle with confidence) and that God's hand has so obviously been at work in my life even since junior high when Al Tomer came to pastor Church of the Saviour, my family church.

I instantly understood that the work I am called to today, nurturing kids through Artsy Fartsy Saturdays, would never have happened had Al not been serving Cincinnati Friends as interim pastor. He made the transition to choosing my own, adult church and Quakerism smooth. Had he not been there, I believe I would have been too intimidated to go. He welcomed me and eased me in, shepherding my re-emerging faith and spirituality, re-awakened by motherhood and the desire to heal from an accident. And when he moved on three months later and we hired a Quaker minister, I stayed put, happy and content. Judy's husband, Paul, the first person with whom I spoke at Cincinnati Friends, asked me if they'd lose me when Al left. "Heck no," I assured him.

How Al came to Cincinnati Friends is an interesting story, one recounted Sunday in worship by Lola, who was secretary at the time. She and Mary, another longtime Friend, approached Earlham School of Religion about an interim. They suggested a retired Methodist Minister and the pair got to work gathering a list of candidates. When Lola called Al, his wife Margaret said he was already pastoring and not available. Lola was stumped and thought she'd have to come up with more names. The next morning, however, Al phoned her and said when he'd gone to bed the night before, he felt called to pastor Cincinnati Friends.

Sadly, I was unable to attend the memorial because it was an Artsy Fartsy day, which pretty much exhausts my energy. I was gearing up to transport the kids to the Milford Spiritual Center for walking the labyrinth, meditating and sketching by the river, a field trip for which they have patiently been begging and waiting. I felt moved to also stand in worship and suggest it was Al's fault, really, for my absence at his memorial. If he had not been faithful to Spirit directing him to Cincinnati Friends, I would never have come, been nurtured for 15 years, entrusted mine and my daughters' spiritual care, learned to listen to God and followed a leading to serve these needy kids.

Wow, I can see God directly at work in my life even back to junior high. I am filled with much gratitude and wonder where all else She has been at play.

• Who have been your models of love?
• How has a spiritual teacher touched your life?
• When have you become aware of God at work, the Spirit of Truth, in your life?
• What does that awareness spark?
• When/how have you understood "you are in me, and I am in you?"


Saturday was SO busy,
packing the car
arranging rides
talking at length to
one of the parents on
my front porch
praying for it
NOT to rain

and I had awoken
in some pain and
tired

I knew I could
not manage the
morning's
memorial service

I didn't have the
energy or the time
to say goodbye

I'm not certain
I knew that I
needed to

until
worship, when
Judy spoke directly
into my heart, opening
it to grieve for an early
and profound spiritual
teacher and also feel
joy at the way Spirit
has been at play
all along

Listen to this post: