I feel as if I am on the precipice of change and my only job is to savor the moment, enjoy where I am. RIGHT NOW. Not yesterday or tomorrow.
That's big for me. Probably for most of us. So often, I am worrying about what already happened or darting ahead to what has yet to be with no groundedness in the present. Sure, there are periodic moments and I have even experienced phases. Quieter times of slower intention or forced spells of exhaustion.
This time, I am choosing to live here. Observing, participating with much less attachment and effort than usual and getting myself out of the way. A TALL order. I have been this way about five days and have no idea how long it will last. Doesn't matter. I am here now.
Things aren't bothering me as usual. I am not feeling so personally invested, offended, judged or hurt. Stuff that would once have appeared damaging actually feels like a blessing. I am floating here enough to have not checked out, but be disengaged from the usual drama.
I an aware that a series of events preceded this:
– A twinge of new energy creeping into my right hip and leg, penetrating an old wound and tightness after 12 years.
– A monumental fissure someone else close to me has also experienced.
– New insight into a troubling dynamic thanks to an old book with current wisdom about how some behaviors are just how people are and nothing against or about me.
– A workshop on conflict resolution that insisted that friction is normal, necessary AND creative. It helped me identify how I have reacted in the past and how I can tap my creativity to work in a healthier manner.
– A revelation that I am fighting myself they connect and are happening simultaneously.
There are possibly many more of which I am not currently cognizant. However, my response is one of gratitude to whatever has aligned to bring me here. To the now. To a peacefulness. No matter what the duration.
– How often am I aware of the moment?
– What nudges or nurtures that?
– How much do I get in the way?
– How do I move out of the way?
– What do I have to let go of to reach this place?