Naked walk

So summer is always a challenge kidwise. Also a blessing, but in the messiness of dealing with transitions, strong personalities, bright minds that like to create drama when they are bored and sibling rivalry intensified with more togetherness, I lose the joy part. I am improving and trying to take this on as a spiritual practice.

One step we took was more family meeting time and resolving issues together. The latest was centered on identifying (mis)behaviors and appropriate consequences. Somewhere I read the punishment should fit the crime and we're a creative bunch. so I figured it could work. I think my favorite is the naked walk. It's the payback for stealing another person's privacy. What could be less private than that. So far, no one has suffered that consequence and I think no one will. It may sound screwy, but we all agreed and laughed about it. Maybe that was the point.

The concept of the naked walk was been dancing around in my head. What's it like, really, to walk around naked; I mean really stripped. Showing your True Self to not only God but the rest of the world. How would they react? How would I be freed? Or feel guilty?

I have periods where I wear little in front of others and I know as I age, my identity is less wrapped in those external perceptions and more in my calling. Becoming more of who I am, I like to muse.

What, exactly, does that look like?

For starters, not saying an automatic yes because it will somehow ingratiate me with others and feed my identity as the constant helper, the one for which everybody holds a high opinion. In a convoluted way, that IS ego speaking and calling the shots. But that's how I constructed an early persona: being the good girl, earning brownie points [in whatever book I'm not certain], not causing waves.

That has been freeing. I do say no, often with an extended explanation. But it's a step. As someone recently reminded me, I can just so no and not feel obligated to explain.

I think this yes-person mentality is very wrapped up in my fibromyalgia. Like I am living at more than one level. The real me that suppresses my deep needs and desires for the superficial me that wants the acknowledgment, approval and pat on the head. So I have exhausted myself trying to meet external standards. Our culture seduces us – particularly as women – to this place of busying our bodies and minds, while neglecting the soul.

The naked walk is letting the soul shine without encumbrances. What a concept, huh?

• How well or often do I bare myself?
• How has that freed me?
• What has that freed me for?
• Is there a deep desire or longing I have not fulfilled?
• Can I name that?


The
accumulation
of
accolades,
gratitude
and
high
opnions


is steep


and
oh so very
heavy

crushing
my spirit

burying
my
real
calling

the deep
desire
locked
so
heavily
into
my body

that
I almost
forgot
it  was
there


until
I began
excavating
the layers


sifitng
the wheat
from the
shaft


re-examining
my motives


and claiming
my
Real Self


the one
God
desires
me
to be


and not
ego