Letting my Lily out

Tomorrow my baby turns 10. It sounds significant, maybe even awful. What, precisely, though does it mean?

That times passes quickly?
She's no longer a baby?
I'm a decade older?
I should be smarter?

Is it about her, me or both of us? If I'm honest, it's really about me. How I've witnessed her growth, been there to hold her hand, scold her and let her go at times. How she has changed me, loved me, pushed me, crowded me, molded me and increased my capacity for love.

It hasn't always been perfect, probably almost never. It has been sweet, bittersweet, maddening and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Well, catch me on an off day and I may respond differently.

You see, she's my wild child. Just tonight we had to threaten her to pick the beans she promised to pick last night. Nothing is ever easy with her. She whined our entire vacation, reminiscent of when she was a toddler. I know transitions are hard for her and if they're hard for her, they're hard for us.

Her bark is far worse than her bite and I have to remind myself of her age. She's fierce, feisty, persistent. And she's also my mirror.

She shows me what it's like to be wild and free. I model responsibility and discipline. We each desperately need each other, although it's hard for either of us to admit publicly.

When I'm having a bad pain day, she has always been my medicine -- a private tonic only she and I share. She also knows pain is my Achilles' heel and can manipulate that. I haven't yet figured out what that means for me. That I should always rise above the pain? That I don't need the pain?

I really am going to write a book someday soon titled Letting my Lily Out. I have to. To understand why each of us is in the other's life.

But tomorrow, the anniversary of the ten years since she first arrived as a beautiful bouncy hairless infant, I will focus on the celebration of having her in my life ... warts and all.

Happy birthday dear Lily!

• Is there someone in my life who acts as a mirror for me?
• What do each of us mirror for the other?
• How can I navigate a somewhat rocky relationship to know my lessons and give the other what he/she needs from me?
• What makes a mother-daughter relationship one of the most complicated? The most precious?
• How can I be more present in the celebration of that relationship?


You were
always
quick 

to be
born

to
walk
explore
talk
talk back
love
rebel 

I
attributed
it
to doing
yoga
throughout
your
pregnancy
and
labor


but
you're
really
here
to
teach
me about
myself


and
how to
love
all
the
parts
of
me
...


even
the difficult
and
feisty
ones

just
as
I love
those
parts
of
you