[Ar]resting truth

Divided heart/unfired clay

Tonight I’m teaching, but today I am exploring and learning. Something for which I am granting myself more permission because I’m not going to get it in our culture. We all desperately need time for reading, reflection and self introspection. I’ve been told it’s a selfish pursuit, but my soul and its response suggest otherwise.

About ten days ago, I was combing the magazine section of Barnes & Noble and delightedly stumbled onto a spirituality section. I picked up three or four issues, took them back to the table and a warm coffee and started to peruse them. One I just could not put down. Even the $10 price tag did not dissuade me.

At night, I’ve been savoring the articles, which are “tastes” of new books published by Watkins Bookshop in London since 1893 specializing in “mind body spirit, modern teachers and magick.” http://www.watkinsbooks.com/

I can’t tell you how joyful I have become in recognizing just how many other people hold the deep concern for authentic spirituality and community that I do. It is so refreshing because, in my slice of reality, I see too much dependence on and worship of the material, money and power. Things that cause me strife because I have no real place for them except to negotiate that world. These articles illuminate for me a reality much more suited to my passion and calling. One where my heart would be comforted and more alive.

Just this morning, I’ve highlighted this jumble of excerpts from a variety of pieces:

“…’What was going on when you became ill?’ Time and again, they relate events which, in my mind, contribute greatly to the onset of the illness. Not because the individual has done something wrong but because their soul loves them so much, that it has developed the illness to attract the individual’s attention, in the hope of guiding them back towards their own sacred center.” [The Healing Power of the Sacred Woman: Health, Creativity, and Fertility for the Soul, Christine R. Page, MD]

Makes me wonder if my night-waking/anxiety, while hormonal, is reflecting the division between my brain and heart. I think my soul may be telling me it’s time to choose and become unified.

”In time, I eventually concluded that it is the emotional basis behind clinical symptomology that has been largely overlooked in conventional medicine. However, it is an ingrained habit that is not easily changed.” [When the Next Step to Take is a Life-Changing One, Dr. Peter Mack] 

What ingrained habits could I address more effectively?

“When the mind becomes too full to process all the data, this can lead to a lack of sleep. Information is processed through the subconscious mind during our REM sleep and what we don’t finish processing in sleep, wakes us up in the early hours to be processed before the working day starts.” [Making Decisions without Thinking, Becky Walsh]

What could I process before bedtime that will offer a better sleep? I have read about writing concerns on a piece of paper before sleep and releasing them. I think I’ll try that again, regularly.

”The divine feminine is re-emerging and leading the way to co-create personal and collective abundance, health, well-being and unlimited possibilities.” The Miracle Workers Handbook: 7 Levels and Power of Manifestation of the Virgin Mary, Sherrie Dillard]

I am reminded to look to the feminine side of Spirit, the Goddess I have always loved, for making my world, the entire world, abundant, healthy, happy and unlimited.

“Claiming and celebrating your voice often takes you to the edge of your life where you discover the center. 

– The old way of being seduced you into believing that your voice, actions and imagination do not matter. The new way to be says that your every contribution is of inestimable worth to the ecosystem of life. 

– The doubts that our fears reveal are grand birth-givers of new consciousness. The disillusionments we fear reveal unexpected blessings.” [A New Way to be Human – Loving Abandonment, Robert V. Taylor] 

Where to start? This is so very rich. I have de-valued my voice far too long. By claiming it in my current endeavors, I do feel very on the edge. I had not recognized it as a vehicle to the center. I am learning to value my contributions, even if they seem minimal, as very much a new way of being, personally and globally. I am holding doubts and fears, but now with new hope for transformation.

“Because the letting go mechanism reveals your own inner truth, nobody can take it away from you. You are safe from disillusionment.” [The Pathway of Surrender, David R. Hawkins, MD, PhD]

I yearn to surrender deeper and deeper and understand it will be in my own way, not someone else’s.

“The desire to be special is the shadow of an infantile relationship with the Inner Judge – the internalised representations or our parents; the values, beliefs, attitudes, standards and prejudices we have inherited and made ours.” [YOUniqueness, Avikal E. Costantino]

I know that Inner Judge much too well, to the point of not separating myself at times. Harsh as it sounds, it’s time to be adult and abandon this “infantile” frame. I had not realized I was stuck here. I much more fully embrace the concept of uniqueness.

Hard for me to believe all of that astounding truth that leads me deeper into my own came from a mere nine pages of a an 82-page publication. Well worth the $10 because these pieces can be woven into a larger message for me and all of us:

I’m in the midst of an integration of head and heart, living on that edge, which will bring me to my center, where the Sacred Feminine (God/ess) resides. Part of the process is releasing negative habits and cares to Spirit, to claim my voice, honor my wisdom and know doubt is being transformed. I will trust in this process and re-imagine it as a new beginning, not just a phase of life to numbly get through.

• Where have I sought wisdom lately?

• When has an unlikely source deeply spoken to me?

• What’s the connection between self discovery and my spiritual life?

• How do I recognize the masculine and feminine Divine?

• How do I view the Divine? As within, without or both?

Truth

Rests

Until

Spirit

Transforms

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