Finding myself in the heavens

Inner child/pastel and paint on paper

I posted on Facebook the other day how much I enjoy my archetypal astrology group and one friend commented by leaving a question mark. I wasn't sure how to respond, because the name I gave doesn't begin to describe how deeply this gathering has touched my soul, confirmed things I only sensed in myself and taught me how much my individual life is reflected in the great heavens.

Tuesday we continued to discuss Saturn's influence, which figures prominently in my natal chart, a snapshot of where and how the planets were aligned at the moment of birth.

My preconception, held by many, was of the heaviness and negativity associated with Saturn. Our wise guide decided we all needed a new look. She even quoted from Liz Green's Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil. It was astounding. Each of us gathered felt as if the lesson had been specifically and personally tailored.

Saturn's cycles, Char began, represent the defense system, our skin; it draws boundaries and protects us. It's how history, personal and collective, conditions us, but does not define our future. The middle point, she read, is the ceaseless present where our creative power resides. Saturn works in cycles as we experience transformation from pain and are able to cross the rainbow bridge of Chiron, the wounded-healer archetype, into the freedom of Uranus and wholeness.

That may sound like gibberish to some, but to me it describes where I have been, where I am and where I am capable of traveling. It speaks for all on the spiritual path. Boiled down, it means that, although our past may be troubled – and, yes, we will encounter pain if we are to grow – we are always offered the present moment and the creative possibility for positive change to shape the future and ourselves into eventual wholeness, integration and freedom.

Char couched Saturn's transformative powers in alchemy terms. The planet's chemical element is lead (Pb on the Periodic Chart, which I had, only hours before, studied with my oldest; talk about synchronicity). Not a pretty picture: dark and dense, yet the base material early alchemists desired because of its hidden property: the spark of volatility and ability to burn into gold – the blackening before white purification.

This process is so symbolic: with its boundaries, Saturn grounds us in body, mind and soul with the opportunity to delve deep to find the creative fire, burn off the imperfections by letting them go and converting to gold or wholeness.

Resurrection. Char said and I was already thinking. The word has been on my heart for  a number of weeks as I translate its personal meaning. She called Saturn the God of the mutilated people and also the creative and artistic. The alchemy of lead makes that clear. One of Saturn's lesson, she said, is when we feel depressed to go even deeper to locate that creative spark; it's waiting. Lead is the lowest of the metals, but is respected as it carries everything necessary to complete the transformation to gold. Such a metaphor for the spiritual journey.

Somewhere in my notes, Char's handouts or my reading, I came across two rules for living under Saturn that seems so personally directed:
1) Know thyself
2) Everything in moderation

Between my expanding astrological knowledge and inward work, I am uncovering some important truths and secrets, namely: 

– Understanding that Jesus' mystical experience of resurrection works in my life;

– Knowing myself and not wavering from that knowledge;

– Honoring the pace and rhythm necessary for my mind, body and spirit to connect;

– Seeing there is more light in me than dark;

– Keeping the busyness and exterior focus of the outside/secular world at bay because it    does not hold my Truth and engaging, when called, with love and confidence;

– Remembering to play.

It's fascinatingly true that the great, expansive heavens reflect my single life and in that I find great comfort and joy.

• How have I connected my life to something greater, such as the heavens?
• What sources help me in self discovery along the spiritual path?
• How can looking outside of my faith's tradition enrich my understanding of the Divine?
• What is currently opening truth in me?
• What is my prayer for the current or next part of the journey?


in a teary mood,
emotional and
vulnerable

I flipped through
the scrapbook
of my baby pictures,

lovingly compiled
by my mother,

transfixed,

gazing at the
sweet innocence,
detached and

wondering
what, dear God,
did you have
in mind for
this sweet,
tender soul?

am I anywhere
near living
into that?

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