|A room of one's own ...|
• Drop off, then pick up cat from two overnights at the clinic – CHECK
• Start new, part-time position – CHECK
• Get first colonoscopy – CHECK
I've had a full plate the past few days and am begrudgingly into the cultural current again. A flow I desperately wish to slow. That's the one really big lesson from my week alone: I need the space and time for myself in order to create, be fed and feel whole.
That spaciousness of life that I require to be fully alive is so hard to attain amid family, work and obligation. I recently had a conversation about incorporating the writing life into raising children and a friend, also a writer, said some women never get to write and others, only after the kids are gone. The creative fire burns so greatly in me that I can not wait. It is my calling.
I think I have to move the idea of a room of one's own [Virginia Woolf] from the literal (I do have a studio) to one I can mentally create when and where I need. Perhaps that will be my new spiritual, creative practice. I so loved the luxury of living that life alone 24/7, answering to no one, rolling out of bed and doing nothing, but making a pot of coffee until I needed a break from the computer five and six hours later. It was pure joy, Certainly, it was work. But it wasn't busy work.
I was graciously offered a very part-time job at our Quaker meeting house in the office and with some more creative endeavors. It sounds like such a small slice of time, but I have to be certain I'm not trading writing time for what may be work that merely occupies me. I understand the intent of those offering was to also encourage my other writing.
I am reinterpreting my role as a journalist. For so many years, I carefully collected the stories of others and tenderly strung them into narrative to share more widely. I loved that role. Now I discover I am a journalist of a very different sort: one who uses a traditional and online journal to explore myself and, in doing so, encourages others to do similarly ... or at least consider it.
But I am also an artist, who barely finds time to pick up a chalk. Somehow, it seems ok for now as I move toward finishing my collection of writing and paintings. That has been an amazing journey that continues to unfold and has continued far longer than I ever expected. However, what I am creating is far better than I ever imagined and I am evolving right along with the process.
But that process requires time and space.
• How do I find time for creative expression?
• What happens when I don't?
• What happens when I manage to step out of the cultural flow?
• How can I build some accountability into finding that creative time?
• How can I share my progress and stumblings with another?
loads of time to find the right words
no schedule to hem me in
and then back to reality
and I find I can't stand saying yes before I have my time
I don't think I am supposed to