Bound in love

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It hit me between the eyes this week: the family pattern that rears it’s ugly head less frequently, but with no less intensity, than it did 10 years ago. My husband’s off in another room; the girls and I, together for whatever reason. It’s just how it happens. The older one and I are typically engaged in something, singularly or coupled.

Lillith energy/pastel on paper

That’s when it hits. My youngest can’t help herself; she has to do something, anything, typically to garner negative attention. Often, she reels me in and I over react, yelling, exhausting myself and giving her my power.

This time, however, I didn’t and that is BIG news for me. I simply had had enough and firmly told my children to leave. Of course, it didn’t happen automatically or easily. The younger one bounced out as if she’d behaved the entire time and my eldest dawdled, which is her nature. They were pushing my buttons and boundaries.

As a result, I told them they could forget the family lunch because it required behaving. The oldest one stormed out and ran away. Before she left, she said it’s always unfair that her sister’s behavior ruins plans. I wasn’t in the mood to hear this. The youngest began to show a bit of remorse, but only after blaming her sister and because we thought she was lost.

Fortunately the oldest is not rash and just took a walk to blow off steam. While we awaited her return, I spoke to the youngest about her behavior and she confessed that she doesn’t know why she acts this way.

The next evening was my monthly archetypal-astrology class and I shared this incident when we each checked in. It was still with me. I want to understand my child and help her. I always have. Techniques work, then everything is fine and we tend to forget. And this generously compassionate and wise group understands the Lillith archetype far better than I though they know I live with it (her).

More Lillith energy/watercolor

Our group was wrapping up the topic of astrological aspects, the relationships between the planets on one’s birth chart. Gratefully, we began with the more challenging aspects like oppositions and squares, moving to trines, sextiles and, that night, conjunctions. When we began to look at Pluto and what aspects we each had in our charts, I noticed something quite odd; that I have a trine between Pluto and Lillith. A trine. That’s the one that comes so naturally and easily that we often don’t know it’s not that way with others. But dark, underworld Pluto and Lillith, the dark moon for goodness sake? Ohhhhhh, but it began to explain so many things on so many levels. “Another reason why you’re Lily’s mother,” my dear friend and group leader Charlotte pointed out. “You understand.”

I couldn’t wait to go home and Google Lillith. Of course, I had known in mythology and ancient Judaic tradition that she was Adam’s first wife. But she expected equality and, not getting it, left. She’s a passionate energy focused on fairness. She’s also anger. Hummmmmmmmmmm.

My Lily’s real issue is that she feels she is always slighted … in so many contexts. “It’s not fair,” she’s constantly whining about home, school, friends. Lest you get the idea she’s a complete pain, she is also the most empathetic, creative, caring child I have ever met. But this feeling cheated drives her.

Over the years, my shaman has mentioned that, in his experience of working with fibromyalgia, the source is often repressed anger. I never connected that to me. Til now. Lillith’s anger at not being equal. Lily’s same issue and, to a lesser degree, mine. I do expect things to be fair and get angry when they are not. Always have.

So many dots are connecting and more questions are forming, but it is comforting to see there may be an archetypal energy at work here that explains the seemingly unexplainable. It feels as if it is key to some opening for me and Lily.

Funny, in the astrology group, they asked me how I named Lily. “Shortly after Autumn was born, I met a beautiful newborn named Lily and knew if I had another girl, that would be her name.”

“So you chose her,” they collectively sighed. Yes, I did and it’s even clearer we are on this journey together.

• How do I handle it when someone I love gets under my skin?

• Can I look more broadly to see if there is a lesson?

• To see what role I have to play in this relationship?

• What’s my experience of archetypal energy been?

• How has that opened meaning for me?

she makes her

presence known

noisily, often

without regard

for needs other

than her own

she’s my wild child,

one I am to tame,

but also one from

whom I must learn

to unleash my

wildness

you see,

we have an

agreement

bound in

love