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In some reflective journaling this morning, I came up with a new equation:
ENERGY = TRUST
Instantly, I sensed this also as TRUTH for me: pivotal, essential and wisdom pared to the core. Right now I'm just letting it sink in and experiencing a deep response outside of my brain. It's a cellular message. In my body, that's what I need to truly understand something, then it can trickle up to my brain. Doesn't work for me the other way around or, if it does, it takes years.
This message has been working its way into me for some time, but I suspect that a new healing-touch exercise I was taught and practiced this morning may have helped it manifest in an expression I can grasp.
One of my water buddies had just been to a healing-touch conference and she was anxious to connect with me and show me this effective technique for fibro and, well, anyone. It's simply a matter of reclining comfortably with feet rolling out and tapping your big-toe joints together and gently rocking your feet, legs and hips back and forth for up to five minutes. I couldn't even wait to get home to try it; I practiced in the empty sauna beginning with a minute. Instantly, I felt everything from my sacrum downward loosen.
Must've also loosened me for listening.
I began my journaling about this long waiting process of getting into my new writing, art and nurture studio. A process that began well over a year ago, but has been active since February. As I have written in Facebook posts, getting the grant money was the easy part. Going back and forth with the school, getting a clear timeframe and move-in date has been a three-month roller-coaster ride of stops and starts. These fits feed the fibro and rob my energy ... if I let it.
This morning I am recognizing that if I can trust God to let things unfold and prayerfully ask to know when to act and when to sit back and relax, I receive energy among other things.
But how counter-cultural is that? Waiting? Every fiber in this culture teaches us otherwise: to go out and get what we desire NOW. Instant gratification.
I have to remind myself of a time back in January at a retreat labyrinth when I was told I would not be asked to do any more than I would receive help with and, when I doubted, to prayerfully return to this place, this promise.
I have been too busy, e-mailing and phoning the school, insurance companies, developing, designing and writing a website and materials, planning and plotting. Almost as if I had forgotten to return when life gets ultra busy.
Prayer, really, is what helps me trust.
And, when I trust, energy is restored.
I reached this conclusion this morning after discerning that this waiting period has been a baptism, purifying and burning off all that is unnecessary and NOT me. That list included: insecurity, fear, anger, worry, regret and doubt. What's left are: drive, certainty, gratitude, awe, perseverance and creativity. Essentially, ENERGY=TRUST.
• What new equations are working in my life?
• How do I tend to receive messages?
• What helps me become receptive?
• What role does trust play in this process?
• What role does prayer play?
it's like I've had
the ruby slippers on the
and not known
like I could