Thursday, January 21, 2010

Silencing the critics

I often wonder about the void where this blog travels and if it is mostly self serving. Somehow, I don’t think so. It’s really an online journal, a thinking out loud that, I hope, may inspire others to share.

I spent years as a journalist carefully, dutifully and accurately collecting the stories of others and have begun to realize it is time to share my own. That has not been so easy as I was trained to be the invisible observer, the one asking the questions, recording the answers, behind the camera and not center stage. That’s a more comfortable place for an introvert.

Yet I also connect well with people and some are amused and shocked to think I consider myself introverted. I think there may be seasons to introversion and extroversion (boy, those sound like new drugs ... in another life I named caskets and always thought I could create personas for new pharmaceuticals) ... for me, anyway. On Myers-Briggs, I register only slightly introverted.

I came to understand the difference better when my best friend, also a wonderful teacher, remarked that it’s really more about where you draw your energy. When I need to unwind, I have to do so alone. There are times I like the electricity of crowds and groups, but I often leave drained and in need of solace.

This blog is such a departure from my public writing, where everything is outlined and carefully constructed. It’s a hybrid of my journaling (free, loose with not much concern – yes, I am still a perfectionist – for grammar and spelling) and my professional writing. I do write here as if for an audience, unlike in my private journal, where I am brutally honest. That’s meant for no one’s eyes but my own and if someone else were to read it and be offended, “OH WELL,” as my youngest always says. It’d be their own fault.

Hopefully, I’m not offensive here ... just blogging away into the void.

• How often do I do something without being motivated by others?
• Is there a place I am totally honest with myself?
• Can I ever silence those critics sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear? How?
• How freeing is it to do something “just because?”

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